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Relationships

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Original poster

Can you ever be just great mates with a man?

73 replies

DailySplodge · 01/06/2017 20:44

Is it possible to be just great mates with a man or is there always a sexual undercurrent? Is it possible to play around & do fun silly things like best mates, ie go-karting or paddling along the beach, cinema, day trips out etc whatever, without sexual chemistry getting in the way?

OP posts:

redexpat · 02/06/2017 17:54

I have 2 male friends whose company I enjoy but rarely see. Im also very very fond of dhs best friend. But I feel that they are exceptions to the general rule.

Have you not seen when harry met sally?

SkyBluePinkToday · 02/06/2017 17:57

I have had several good friendships with men over the years. But now my DH has stolen them from me and they're more his friends now.

SherlockStones · 02/06/2017 18:27

Truly? No.

Given half a chance, most men would jump at the opportunity of having sex with their female friends.

user1488408666 · 02/06/2017 18:49

Hi.
Am a guy. Married. Two kids. I have a few really really close female friends who I really support and encourage in what they do.
It's purely platonic. Although they are all really nice and some are very attractive I have no wish to be anything other than mates.
I love my wife more than anything.

Just my male perspective.

EastMidsGPs · 02/06/2017 21:21

Yes, I have a couple of make friends who go way back. Never anything that has overstepped friendship boundaries.
Think it helps that I grew up with brothers, male cousins and all their various mates.

EastMidsGPs · 02/06/2017 21:22

Male not make

Lanaorana2 · 02/06/2017 22:00

Maybe, but it hasn't happened to me.

I was very, very close to three men friends; the first one's fiancee got moody (for no reason, as it happens it was me who coaxed him to pop the question) and the other 2 lapped the attention up but declined romance.

By the time they knocked me back, both of them had called me their best friend in the world, soulmate, and so on - this made the rejection much worse.

iffikitty · 02/06/2017 22:35

I know lots of people who have good friends of the opposite sex.

In every case it's the woman who keeps it platonic.

hareinthemoon · 02/06/2017 22:50

I've had some very very dear male friends for over 20 years; one for 35 years. Never ever a whiff of anything else. I love them dearly and I know they love me. I'm really grateful for them.

Yellowaardvark · 03/06/2017 01:11

I think you can, but it depends on how intense the friendship is and what the boundaries are. One of my closest friends right now is a man and while there is no "thing" there I feel like we have had to draw more conscious boundaries around our friendship than I have ever had to do with a woman.

I feel like I have also had to decide more consciously to not care what other people think (we are workmates also) and we even talked once about who knows about "us" (ie our friendship) which never would have happened with a woman. There is often that moment when you are out for lunch or meeting up or some such when we see another workmate who will sometimes give a look as if to say "what are THEY doing together?" and you have to just ignore it, which again would not have happened with a woman.

Strokethefurrywall · 03/06/2017 01:58

In my experience yes, some of my best friends growing up were male, even my ex-boyfriend is now just a mate, in fact I get on better with his wife now!

I have a friend here on island who I met the week after I arrived when he moved into my shared accommodation (we were with the same agency). He is honestly like my brother and I love him like a brother too. In fact, he was there for me so much when my actual brother died. He, to me, is family and I'm very grateful for him.

There is nothing sexual between us at all but he is dear to me. As is his wife whom I love.

I genuinely believe that men and women can absolutely be "just friends", probably harder in years before kids etc as there's always the "should we just shag" undertone, but in later years, most certainly.

Chloe84 · 03/06/2017 08:19

Truly? No.

Given half a chance, most men would jump at the opportunity of having sex with their female friends.

I agree with this. I've tried but eventually... you can just see it in their eyes.

Oldgranny · 03/06/2017 09:20

The fact you're asking 'what if' says it all !

LittleBooInABox · 03/06/2017 09:32

My best friend of 14 years is a guy. We speak most days, text lots and generally have a great old time. People still think we're secretly having a relationship. The mind boggles, as to why people of the opposite gender can not be just friends.

I wonder if gay people have this issue too.

wickedfairy · 03/06/2017 15:44

Opposite sexes can definitely be friends! I work in a very male dominated industry and have many friends, who I met through work - most of my friends are from work actually. We are all very similar. I have more male friends than female actually!

Yes, you can find the odd one attractive occasionally, but that passes. My DH is the bees knees anyway, so nothing would ever happen with anyone else. He works with us all anyway, so knows all my friends anyway

hopefulclam · 03/06/2017 15:48

Of course?? Can bisexual people have no friends?

HappyAxolotl · 03/06/2017 15:53

I've had quite a few close friendships with men over the years. I've never fancied any of them and if they've ever had feelings for me they've kept it completely to themselves.

What happens if you are gay - can you not have same sex friends?
And poor bi folk, are they allowed any friends at all?

HappyAxolotl · 03/06/2017 15:54

Jinx, hopefulclam!

TheNaze73 · 03/06/2017 16:12

I think they can. Never ceases to amaze me, when you read about people who are jealous of their DP's friendships with the opposite sex. They'd of got together if they'd wanted too.

WeeMcBeastie · 03/06/2017 16:25

Not necessarily TheNaze73, my EXH got together with someone he had been friends with for 3 years. He then had an on/off affair with her before I finally kicked him out. They started seeing each other officially as soon as he moved out and they are now getting married. He had previously had an affair with another friend. It may not be fair to any future partners but I doubt I would be welcoming of new female friends after that experience.

earlymorningtea · 03/06/2017 16:32

One of my oldest friends is male. I have known him for 36 years and there has never been a hint of romance. I am also very friendly with his wife.

Queenofthedrivensnow · 03/06/2017 16:34

A few years ago I would have said yes but now not in my experience. I wish I could say yes

WhatALoadOfOldBollocks · 04/06/2017 21:27

...Although they are all really nice and some are very attractive I have no wish to be anything other than mates. I love my wife more than anything.

user1488408666, you make it sound as though the reason you don't want anything to happen is because you love your wife so wouldn't cheat. How would you feel about these female friends if you were all single though?

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