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Original poster

Can you ever be just great mates with a man?

73 replies

DailySplodge · 01/06/2017 20:44

Is it possible to be just great mates with a man or is there always a sexual undercurrent? Is it possible to play around & do fun silly things like best mates, ie go-karting or paddling along the beach, cinema, day trips out etc whatever, without sexual chemistry getting in the way?

OP posts:
Barbaro · 01/06/2017 22:32

Totally can. I have a lot of male friends because I work in a predominantly male working environment. Nothing sexual between us although a few do jokey flirting, but its always just joking it's nothing more. HR would have a heart attack if they heard some of the things we all say to each other but its taken in jest. I know a few other guys from other places and we are all just friends too. One referred to me and him as like brother and sister really which is what we are. Known each other only a year but its just how we interact. Got lots of male friends from uni too, nothing between us either.

WeeMcBeastie · 01/06/2017 22:56

I'm not sure... I would like to think so but this hasn't been my experience. I like having male friends and have had a quite a few throughout my life so far but most of them have 'tested the water' at some point. I'm reasonably attractive but a bit chubby and certainly no supermodel so it's not as if I'm anything special. Sadly, it also hasn't made any difference whether I or they have been single at the time either. I'm sure my experiences aren't unique. My EXH is now marrying a woman he was apparently friends with Hmm I know for a fact that he had an affair with her when we were still married but I'm sure it did start off as a friendship. I would always be wary of a partner meeting a new female friend now as a result.

CormorantDevouringTime · 01/06/2017 22:59

I'm best mates with a man. We go out together to the theatre and for meals and drinks all the time. His boyfriend is also really nice...

OohAahBird · 02/06/2017 08:19

Yes they can, but you do both have to be honest that that is all you want, over the years have had 2 male friends confess feelings towards me, and it did make me doubt, unfortunately a lot of people think if you get on with someone of the opposite sex there must be something else there

ButtonMushroomEx · 02/06/2017 09:02

I have lots of male friends but they are gay, which makes life a lot easier.

My longest friend in life was male but we started with a Uni fling. Then decided we were better as friends and that lasted to late 30's, but when he met his now wife she refused to believe it was an innocent friendship. Rather than anything come up about our beginnings we just became distant until the friendship tailed off.

Strangely I told my STBEXH about how we became friends and he was totally fine with it, and even became good friends with him as well. But his wife was not going to be accepting so I think for his relationship it was the best thing to do.

I miss him a lot though.

TFPsa · 02/06/2017 09:41

It's not the most common or straightforward thing ever but, yes, it's certainly possible and certainly happens.

witchofzog · 02/06/2017 09:53

My best friend is a guy I used to work with and whom I had a year long relationship with. In hindsight we confused friendship for love and should not have got together. But now he is my tell anything friend. I have a long-term dp. He is early days with a new partner. I could not imagine being sexual with him again as to me he is like a brother and I am pretty sure he feels the same about me

WhatALoadOfOldBollocks · 02/06/2017 10:18

I think only if the possibility of sex is totally off the cards, either because one or both is homosexual, or because both shudder in disgust at the thought of shagging each other.

WhatALoadOfOldBollocks · 02/06/2017 10:20

Meant to add, in my experience it has never worked because the men have had alterior motives and eventually tried it on with me. When I turned them down, funny enough, they were no longer keen to be "friends" Hmm

IfNot · 02/06/2017 10:24

Sure but only if you've already slept with them at some point. ..I have ex boyfriends I'm very good friends with now. Been there done that, no mystery.
Other men? Hmm. Probably not. There's always a bit of tension on one side or another.

virgospirit · 02/06/2017 10:30

of course it's possible I'm friends with quite a few women. I house shared with one female friend for 12yrs and have been flat mates with another for last 12months. I've got female friends I've known since school, so we've been friends for over 30yrs. I don't want to sex with them, I don't think about it and I'm sure they don't want to have sex with me!

wibblywobblyfish · 02/06/2017 14:26

I have a close male friend. He's one of my best friends brothers and we have always just been good friends. I'm close friends with his wife to be and I'm their daughters godmother. I don't fancy him and he doesn't fancy me. Never been any question of it and makes me feel a bit odd now I've thought of it. We have always just done normal boring things together, like car shopping and nights down the pub.

LottieandMia · 02/06/2017 14:30

No. I genuinely thought I had a man who was a great (I thought) friend but even though the friendship spanned 10 years it turned out he had always secretly wanted more. And when it did develop into more he became crazy jealous and nasty. We are now not friends any more.

heron98 · 02/06/2017 14:31

of course! I have lots of male friends, never been a smidge of it being anything more.

LottieandMia · 02/06/2017 14:31

I think that it can maybe work if the person is like a family member (ie your best friends brother as previous poster said)

ThreeForAPound · 02/06/2017 14:34

Yes, absolutely you can.

I have two great male friends. We started off as colleagues and then became friends. 15 /20years down the line respectivelywe are still great mates. All married with kids, so we don't see much of each other these days - probably meet for dinner or coffee twice a year, but whatsapp each other every few weeks to check in. They're like my brothers, really.

If I'm totally honest, I think with each of them right at the very start, they both fancied me a bit. Just because they were randy young men and I was a pretty young thing. But that wore off once they got to know me Grin.

Notagainmun · 02/06/2017 14:35

I think it is possible but rare. I wouldn't like DH to have a female best friend and I think he would be the same. We both have friends of the opposite sex but our closest friends are of the same sex. I may be shallow but I like to think I am the only special woman in his life.

hellokittymania · 02/06/2017 14:40

Yes, I have a very close male friend.

MiddleClassProblem · 02/06/2017 14:43

Yes. Both DH and I have friends of the opposite gender that we have been friends with since college or uni. Definitely covering periods where all were single and not a peep of sexual undercurrent.

RestlessTravellerTheSequel · 02/06/2017 14:59

My three best friends are male. We've managed to be mates for over 20 years without any of us shagging each other!

stevie69 · 02/06/2017 15:01

Yes. Absolutely Smile

yetmorecrap · 02/06/2017 15:01

I really think it depends on the individuals concerned and where they are "at". If there is any kind of attraction at all on either side , spoken or unspoken, then it tends to go wrong.

ceecee32 · 02/06/2017 15:07

I have a great male friend that I have known for over 20 years. Had a conversation when we were drunk that we would never sleep together as we just didn't fancy each other - never come close to anything - not even a kiss.
We give each other a friendly hug when we see each other, have been on holiday together twice, spent Christmas together and he came to look after me when I was discharged from hospital. When his wife left him he came to my house in tears (gave him alcohol and sent him home the next day)
We don't live in each others pockets, only contact each other when there is a reason but I think we both know that we are there if needed. I certainly count him as a good friend.

We met when we served together in the Army, and I have loads of male friends from that time. And I honestly haven't slept with them (or even wanted to)

Yellowaardvark · 02/06/2017 15:09

I don't know. I think it depends on the intensity of the friendship?

relaxitllbeok · 02/06/2017 15:45

Works fine, until one of you gets into a relationship with someone who thinks (as someone upthread did) that the answer is no and that anyone who thinks otherwise is kidding themselves! So if you are single and might want to form a relationship while keeping this friendship, make sure you mention the friendship early in the relationship, and pay attention to the reaction. Otherwise you may not only lose that friendship, but find that the cost of your relationship is that your pool of potential friends halves in size.