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Original poster

New BF lying about his age!

90 replies

FreshFigs · 29/05/2017 10:20

I met someone on OLD about three months ago. On his profile it gave his age as 48. I've always thought that he looks slightly older. He looks after himself though, eats well, excercises etc. But a few conversations have made me suspicious.

Anyway... I looked him up on 192 and it gives his age as 55 - 59 !!!!

Obviously it's just a number, 192 isn't always accurate. But it's the lie that bothers me. I'm wondering when / if he's going to amit to it.

OP posts:
AdalindSchade · 29/05/2017 12:52

Maybe he just didn't want to miss the search range for women who set their range to 40s

Ignoring women's boundaries before they have even met? Awesome. Why should he decide he knows what women want more than they do? I don't want to date a man over 50 and that's my choice. I don't expect 50+ men to decide they need me to see them on tinder so put themselves 10 years younger

Brogadoccio · 29/05/2017 12:52

Bant I think that means you look wrecked for 39

NancyWake · 29/05/2017 12:53

How old are you OP? What would be the actual age gap.

Emmageddon · 29/05/2017 12:56

A friend of mine tried OLD and her date was truthful about his age (43) but lied about his occupation - he wasn't a self-employed landscape gardener, but was employed by the council to mow grass in public areas. God knows why he thought that was such a shameful occupation.

PushingThru · 29/05/2017 12:58

'I don't lie about anything. I'm weird like that...'

This is normal. This is how people should be.

Brogadoccio · 29/05/2017 13:00

I totally agree AdalindSchade .

It's over riding women's right to have a cut off. And women are the ones who usually end up dating older partners anyway and men stretch that to the limit by lying.

I did a little bit of pre-date research once and discovered that a man was ten years older than he said he was I cancelled the date and he was pretty awful in his reply. Such entitlement to be allowed to lie, and dupe!

So glad I didn't pay a babysitter to end up sitting opposite a man 15 years older than I am. What do the liars think!? That you won't notice? won't mind? that you deserve to be duped!? Such entitlement to a younger partner is a turn off imo

PushingThru · 29/05/2017 13:01

'He freezes up at date-specific questions, says he can't remember and looks slightly rabbit in headlights'

This is horrible. I would hate this and would've dumped him long ago.

ImperialBlether · 29/05/2017 13:07

Me too. Awful. How could you have a conversation with him, knowing he was lying?

If he'd lied, he should have told you that before you met.

TheStoic · 29/05/2017 13:10

I wouldn't lie about my age, but I can't see a huge problem with it tbh.

You meet them and you're either attracted to them or you're not.

As long as photos are current, I don't see the big deal with the age thing. The truth will come out eventually.

EweAreHere · 29/05/2017 13:11

It all sounds very depressing. Men think they're entitled to vastly younger women; women pretending they're younger but outraged when men are older than they claim...

Bant · 29/05/2017 13:15

Possibly Brog but my photos were recent, they look like me, and I'd rather be an honest but old looking 39 year old than a deceitful 44 year old.

If a relationship starts with not only a lie, but the cynicism that it's okay to lie because everyone does so, I think that's a bad start

ohtheholidays · 29/05/2017 13:17

Not every one lies on OLD sites!

I didn't and neither did my DH and that's how we met,he's 7 years younger than me.

I went out with someone who lied about his age,I only found out the truth when I was pregnant with his child,even his Mum bloody lied for him.That was the first of many shit things him and his Mum pulled and it was because of his problem with the truth that I ended the relationship.

I'd be cautious of dating someone that's let the lie lay for 3 months.

virgospirit · 29/05/2017 13:41

Lying to appear more attractive is a sign of insecurity and also used as a form of entrapment. Of course the truth is going to be found out in the end but the liar is hoping that by then you've fallen for them and it won't really matter - whereas they feel if you know the truth before that happens it might put you off. Think about it...

TheStoic · 29/05/2017 13:48

Lying is never good.

But if their age is the only difference between falling for someone, and not falling for someone, perhaps you are just really shallow.

Maybe someone needs to start a dating site where no ages are listed. I really don't see why age is so important. As long as they're over 18, of course...

Brogadoccio · 29/05/2017 13:50

I'd hardly call her deceitful if it came up on your first date.

The fact is though, women lie to avoid being ''matched'' with men decades older. Men lie to improve their chances of persuading women decades younger to give them a chance. It's different. One lie is to redress an injustice and the other is based on pure entitlement. Very different.

I don't lie on my profile and atm I'm sort of seeing somebody who did not lie either and I know that because he sent me a scan of his passport. I didn't ask for that. He did it as a joke to warn me how big his ears were but also I think in case I was worried about meeting him (not sure). But I didn't ask. He hasn't asked for proof of my age but as I'm four and a half years younger it'd be a bit much if he asked me to prove how much younger I am.

splendide · 29/05/2017 13:53

192 has me 12 years younger than I am. Where do they get their info? I am on the electoral roll.

Bluntness100 · 29/05/2017 13:57

I think Lying on your profile is one thing , it's keeping the lie going I'd take issue with, pretending it would be his 49th shortly. When really it could be his 60th. After three months he should have come clean.

Men lie about their age as they wish to date a younger women, women lie about their age because they know this but would prefer someone closer to their own age. That's fine. It's the keeping it going that's not ok.

Bant · 29/05/2017 13:58

I wasn't calling her deceitful, brog - I was saying I don't want to be deceitful.

Women lie to appear younger. Men lie to appear younger. Some men, apparently, also lie to appear older (or so I've heard)

It really doesn't matter why someone lied, the fact is that they lied. It can be mitigated by bringing it up on a first date, fine. But I have a thing for honesty, and the assumption of lying on both parts is a bit of a toxic start. What else are they lying about? Are they actually single? Are they actually a non smoker? Are they wearing platform shoes?

It just sets things off to a bad start. I'd rather not date someone who thinks that lying is the norm.

HildaOg · 29/05/2017 14:44

A lot of people lie on their profiles, if they own up to it immediately then it's no big deal, if they keep it up then you have to be wary. It could just be that he told the lie to get the date and now doesn't know how to tell you. Be straight and ask him, his response should let you know whether or not you should stay with him. If he admits it immediately, apologises and explains then give him a chance. If he tries to lie some more then dump him.

Original poster
FreshFigs · 29/05/2017 14:55

I think he's no idea how to tell me.

I'm inclined to teach him a lesson and have some fun with it at the same time...

OP posts:
Original poster
FreshFigs · 29/05/2017 14:57

I might say I have a big confession to make... That I'm in fact 32 and have aged very badly 😂. (I'm 46 and have aged very well).

OP posts:
Brogadoccio · 29/05/2017 15:06

You could tell him what my (male) cousin heard from his young fiancée after he thought all of his christmases had come at once, it turned out she had a child in temporary foster care and was literally thousands in debt from ringing psychic helplines.

He was pretty shocked. You could use that one!!

Original poster
FreshFigs · 29/05/2017 15:12

Haaaaa Brog!

Or how about I'm in fact 55 but have had shitloads of surgery?!

OP posts:
Brogadoccio · 29/05/2017 15:12

Bant, I disagree with that summary. I think there is a difference. Women are lying to have a hope of getting dates with men not toooooo much older than they are. That's not entitled behaviour. Men lie to get dates with much younger women. That is entitled behaviour.

I tell the truth and it does reduce the number of messages but if I send anybody a message and they look at my profile they'll see that I'm truthful. But there are 65 year old men pretending to be 55 so that they can ask out women in their 40s. You have no idea what women are up against! It's different for men. They get to have a high bar and that's allowed on line.

Brogadoccio · 29/05/2017 15:14

Freshfigs, it would be good if you could find out his real age and then confess to being that age yourself Wink HIs face would be a picture!

I'd say ''do you need a drink?'' calmly?! what with the shock of my being 58?? :-|