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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Husband working unpaid on day off

94 replies

Strugglingtofunction · 28/05/2017 12:36

I found out yesterday that for the last six weeks or so when my husband has been going into work on his day off he has not been getting paid. He only has one day off at the weekend and instead of spending it with his family he has chosen to go into work. This also coincides with me seriously struggling and again instead of being here to help and support he has been working unpaid. He works in retail and not in any managerial position. So he has basically been volunteering instead of being there for his family. He is refusing to understand why I might be unhappy with this set up. What do others think???

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 28/05/2017 13:46

Op, before everyone has uou in the divorce courts, could there be a reason he is doing this? Could his employer be pressuring him to and others are doing the same? That he is worried he will lose his job if he doesn't and worried to burden you with it?

Original poster
Strugglingtofunction · 28/05/2017 13:48

I just can't understand- my children are everything to me. He changed his days of not long ago -against my wishes - which meant he has a day off during the week and one day off at the weekend. This is literally the only full day that he has to spend with his children and he is choosing to go into work. I find that unforgivable.

OP posts:
Reow · 28/05/2017 13:51

Oh dear OP. I would be pissed off too.

Is there a lady there that could be of interest? If you're not being paid I cannot think of another good reason to go in for free.

Do you 100% know he's not being paid? No chance he couldn't be pocketing the extra?

Original poster
Strugglingtofunction · 28/05/2017 13:53

Still no sign of him and it is nearly 2 o clock. I cannot believe that there are all these people in retail working unpaid. I can understand it might be hard to get away on time but going in on your day off?? Surely no managers would have the gall to think that they were reasonable to expect that??

OP posts:
Greenkit · 28/05/2017 13:55

I think you need to sit down later and have a serious grown up talk about how each other is feeling about the relationship. If you are both not happy then cut your losses and leave eachother

Zaphodsotherhead · 28/05/2017 13:56

In my retail job we might occasionally be 'called in' on a day off if someone was ill, for example, but we'd always be paid for it, plus a call-in fee. The staff rota is quite carefully worked out so the right number of staff are in on a given day, it would be very unusual for anyone who wasn't management to be hanging around on a day off. They wouldn't really have a role, because the paid staff would be doing everything!

Original poster
Strugglingtofunction · 28/05/2017 13:56

He may well have had his head turned. He is obviously get some payoff for being there even if it isn't monetary. Unless he was being paid cash in hand - which he wouldn't be - I would know because money is paid into joint account.

OP posts:
GardenGeek · 28/05/2017 13:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Zoflorabore · 28/05/2017 14:00

Unfortunately my first thought after reading the thread is that he is either wanting to be in work rather than home for no other reason or that he is happy to go in for free as there is someone he likes at work?

If neither of the above it could seem he is being taken advantage of

Bluntness100 · 28/05/2017 14:03

Surely no managers would have the gall to think that they were reasonable to expect that??

Sadly it does happen yes.

alltoomuchrightnow · 28/05/2017 14:05

Struggling, sadly they do. And it might not be them but THEIR bosses putting pressure on them (the line managers, area managers...) Retail can be pretty corrupt.
Please don't jump to conclusions re what some are saying here.
My bet is he really feels obliged and probably hates every second being there. There is a massive bullying culture in retail. I know he's not in charity retail (assuming he's not) but that's the worst.. I left last year and swore I will never do that sector again.

alltoomuchrightnow · 28/05/2017 14:06

Bluntness.. I could name.. erm.. several hundred I've known?!!

Highalert · 28/05/2017 14:06

The only people I know who do unpaid overtime in retail are management. If the store needs cover for sick employees then they would pay the overtime.

Most people who work in retail are on short hour contracts and make their hours up by doing paid additional hours.

It's not normal to do unpaid overtime in retail.

rwalker · 28/05/2017 14:06

don,t want to offend but if things are that bad a home perhaps he prefers to go to work to get out of the situation

paxillin · 28/05/2017 14:17

Can you tell him that 2.5 hours plus a full day means more than 20 hours for free every week? Even at minimum wage he would earn almost £140 for that. If he is so keen to work that many hours, take on a second job for 20 hours and be paid.

TimeIhadaNameChange · 28/05/2017 14:20

Not the best solution, maybe, but I would arrange something with a friend for next Sunday, tell him in plenty of time and then leave him to it. Better still, go out on the Saturday night and stay over then.

I know want time with him, but try getting some time for yourself first.

Chloe84 · 28/05/2017 15:23

don,t want to offend but if things are that bad a home perhaps he prefers to go to work to get out of the situation

Leaving OP to struggle on her own with the kids while he escapes Hmm

Things are probably bad at home because of his selfishness.

Keepithidden · 28/05/2017 15:34

I'm guilty of this, although I don't do it unless the kids are at school. Spending time alone with DW isn't much fun. I don't enjoy my job much, but it beats being at home.

I'm not in retail, there is no one I have my eye on, just an unhappy marriage. It does happen.

Original poster
Strugglingtofunction · 28/05/2017 17:13

Okay. Husband claims that he has no choice and is really sorry that his behaviour has upset me. He has told me that he is given a list of things that he needs to do each week and that he is going in unpaid in order to get everything on the list done. He claims that he is worried about losing his job if he doesn't do it. Seriously I don't know what to think. Surely while he continues to do this things will just get worse and more and more will be expected of him. As some of you have pointed out the number of unpaid hours that he is doing is ridiculous.

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 28/05/2017 17:31

Did you call him on his cell or call the shop's phone?

LadyLoveYourWhat · 28/05/2017 17:32

Time to look for another job. Is there a union he can join?

alltoomuchrightnow · 28/05/2017 17:34

Personally I'd believe him but that's because I come from the same shitty retail background. If you don't do the extra it makes things far harder. and it def IS expected. Because jobs are so hard to come by.
Best thing for him to do is look around for non retail job but I know how hard it is. I said I wouldn't go back to it yet just had a retail interview and that's my only interview in months . Does he have other skills?
I can see both sides. It's crap for you and the kids and it's really crap for him.

alltoomuchrightnow · 28/05/2017 17:37

but, he is the one stuck in a hot shop all weekend while you can get out and about. I do understand your resentment but I honestly think it's the pressure he's getting to do this and no other reason..he will feel very torn in commitment. My ex fiance used to give me an awful time about this. I had no choice, i had to work, and he wasn't earning. I don't have kids. But we had his stepson most weekends. And my partner said I should be home at weekends. Yet he knew when we met what my line of work was and when I moved to be with him, he encouraged me to look for more retail. Then moaned i was 'disrespectful to family time' when I got the job. Yet spent most of my money. I know that's not your scenario but I'm just saying I know it's tough all round. I hope he can find another job

noova61 · 28/05/2017 17:41

Time to look for another job asap...also look into the Union Rep, if there is one about the legality of his hours and what he has to do each week. By rights he should have a contract stating his hours and days off...he needs to stick to it.

caffeinestream · 28/05/2017 18:12

as i said, the norm in retail

Absolutely not the norm in any shop I've ever worked in! I've always clocked in/out and been paid for the hours I've worked. Yes, I've done overtime/gone in my days off, but I've NEVER not been paid for it.

OP, tell him to speak to his manager. Either he's being given too much work, or he's not managing his time efficiently. Either way, he needs to ask for help.