AIBU husband never talks

[speakyourmindkindagirl]

So, every time I seem to sit down, casually bring up a conversation about a recent topic, concern, thought on anything whether a it's something on the news, maybe my feelings, something to do with the kids, plans for the future, things to get excited about etc my husband always seems to shut me up.
He will briefly listen, but not offer a lot back, or get into a proper in depth chat with me and show enthusiasm or anything, but instead he will say something like, "let's not talk about this now", or "it's not the right time to talk about this" or "I don't really want to have a conversation about that at the moment". He will also, if I have an opinion or concern about something he will tell me I'm being silly, stop worrying, etc just never offers anything with any substance back. I feel like I'm in a box, the lid opens and I talk then he shuts the lid down again! It drives me nuts and I feel I've gone a little introvert and quieter in the house than I normally am as I just feel doesn't value or appreciate anything I have to say, so what's the point in me talking? He shows great interest in his own affairs and has enthusiasm when talking to friends about topics but when it's me it's different, like he can't be bothered. I crave for a good, adult conversation, share opinions and ideas, his thoughts on certain things, be passionate about things going on in the world, what our kids have been up to etc. If I react and tell him how he makes me feel he always turns it around and makes the issue about me reacting so to steer it away from him, so it turns into an argument as I get frustrated and then he just sits there and sulks, plays the victim and makes me out to be the perpetrator. He does this a lot! He is very driven and successful with work and it seems that's where all his energy goes. What do you think?

I'm a bit like this. Some days my dh wants to talk and I really just don't. I'm a sahm to two kids with Sen and it's very hard work and at the time of the day I don't have the energy to talk to him. Some days he doesn't seem like he's listening when I'm rabbiting on.

I think you either need to have it out with him or stop engaging in what he wants to talk about and stop trying to engage him and see if anything changes. Not listening to you is really shit and putting you back in your place is highly insulting.

Speakyourmind I just wanted to offer my perspective on your marriage. My parents were just like you; mum talkative, dad very quiet. I don't think my dad constantly shut my mum down as your dh does you, but eventually it led to big rows because she was so frustrated. Big rows all my life, with what looked like my mum goading my dad until she got a response. They eventually split up when I was an adult and were much happier: but my relationship with my mum was already damaged because child me always thought she was the aggressor. She's still very bitter now, and is a compulsive communicator - all those years of talking to a brick wall have ruined her sense of how a normal conversation exchange should work.

I really wish my parents had found a way to separate earlier and find someone more compatible. You shouldn't have to beg your husband to talk to you - whether it's about you, the kids or something on the news. You need adult companionship and shouldn't feel guilty for wanting that from your dh. You may have a nice, stable life but you're missing out on a huge part of being an adult in an adult relationship, which you deserve to have. If that's how his parents are, it doesn't sound like dh will change (my dad never did) though maybe with counselling he might be able to meet you halfway.

I really hope you change something - my mum could have written your OP. It's sad to hear you doubting yourself and whether you're interesting or not. If you can't change your current relationship, there'll be someone out there who thinks you're fascinating.

My DH is the same OP and the only way i have found to carry on and 'save the marriage' is not expect him to talk at all.

Please note that my DH doesnt talk at all (so no long talks about about his work vs nothing about my own worries). He is really not a good communicator.

Its very hard as I love nothing more than talking.
So, I have found a way to get my 'talking time' with other people (friends, my mum and dad, his mum!). He has learned to 'listen' to me (even though often he is drifting off) but i know that some of the stuff sinks in somehow so we can move on some issues we might have (dcs, family etc).

Because this 'talking issue' is the same everywhere and with everyone, its something i have been able to 'accept'.
I have to say, i would struggle more if I knew that he was able to communicate with other people but me.

I agree with lemon with the issue of resentment.
There is nothing worse and it brings out the worst in anyone. Its not a situation you want to stay in, nor for yourself, nor for your dcs. Its too toxic.

My ex was like this - and now I do see it that he was just not interested in me.

My new DP is nothing like this we spend evenings just chin wagging and before we know it's 1 am! (After 2 years)

Next time he starts talking enthusiastically about his subjects use exactly the same words as he does so "now is not the time". Do it a lot till he gets the message.

Alternatively think about leaving him because he's not going to change and you have intellectual and emotional needs that are not going to be fulfilled.

My husband is exactly the same, and after 23 years married, I'm just an empty shell and stay quiet, but really think you should leave or consider it. Why should you put up with that treatment.