Is this a crazy idea?

[Stuck16]

I've posted a couple of times about my exh.
This weeks development is that he has no intention of moving out of the houseshare he lives in at the moment into his own place as that wouldn't leave him with enough money to maintain his new lifestyle- holidays, nights out etc with the OW

This means he will never be able to have the kids overnight ever- it's in his tenancy that no one under 16 can be on the premises.
He's also told me that I don't get to rely on him for anything anymore.

I think his expectation that I just sit here on my own night after night, getting up early with the DC every day, never going anywhere or doing anything is more than unreasonable. So I've been thinking and have come up with the idea that he comes and stays at mine every other weekend and I can stay at his.

That way he gets to be a hands on dad something he keeps saying he wants to be, the kids get more time with him and I get a bit of a break and can do things without needing his help.
We have no family near by- nearest lives over an hour away so whenever I want to go out he's the only person I can ask to babysit.

Is it so crazy to think a house swap might work? I know it's far from ideal but at least it's better than the deal I have now I think

Everything I suggest he says no to so I don't know how to work around him unless I just stop trying to get him to want to be around the kids but then I feel like I'd be letting them down.

I know I shouldn't be trying to understand him but I really don't get how he can turn his back on the kids so easily. I don't even care he left me anymore it's the kids I'm heartbroken for because they adore him

Stuck, I feel for you. I'm in a similar situation. My car broke down the other week, and I was 20 mins late back on agreed time my ex looks after kids in my house. He went mental, it was then I realised he would never change and did not have their best interests at heart.

You're in a shit situation. I feel so much calmer with him out of the picture (but I did did that because 1. In my house he stole stuff, and 2. He had 3 situations in 2 days he put their safety at risk.) I've blocked contact now. It affects my work, but it's manageable with help. I want him to realise and step up. I doubt he will given all the chances he's had.

If you can, build a life that does not rely on him.

So sorry you're going through this X

Oh and stuck,for the kids... Tell them a very gentle version of the truth.

I've just booked to take the kids to Disneyland Paris in a couple of months time- have something to look forward to now.
Exh first response was hope you're not expecting me to take you to the airport- I said nope all sorted thanks.
Felt great to be able to do something without needing to ask him- only told him so he knows we're going, not for permission

I can't see how you can protect your children from his twattishness forever without killing yourself.
Your fear of him is clearly keeping you trapped, all he has to do is threaten you with leaving the kids alone, he knows exactly how to push your buttons.
I would perhaps test him on this. the only way I think it might work is if you say that you won't be back till 8 and then sit outside and watch to see if he leaves the house on his own, then you can obviously get back in straight away and also inform the police. And then you'll also truly know how much he cares for them. Or you might find he's perfectly fine with staying longer he just deliberately wants to fuck with your head.

I know this sounds extreme, but I really cannot see a way of you breaking the cycle unless you just bear the pain of moving back to your parents which would probably be easier but I understand you don't want to do that for the children

Just realised it's going to seem odd me being able to pay for Disney when I don't have bus fare home- my wonderful parents have given me the money specifically to take the kids away- they don't know the full extent of my financial situation. I know it would've been more sensible to use the money to live on but to be honest I thought we could all do with a bit of fun!

I'd look for FT work, let him pick the children up daily and then you will have extra money for babysitters and the do things with them.

He's an ex for a reason, little point in trying to change him now.