Is this worrying? (TMI warning)

[Namechange0987]

Ok, have name changed here for obvious reasons.
This is even quite difficult for me to discuss anonymously - probably because I'm scared about what people's comments will tell me.
I've been with my OH for 6 years. We're very much in love, I am treated wonderfully by him, he's very attentive, tactful, kind etc and we have a good sex life.
Last year we got engaged and OH wanted to tell me something to get "everything out in the open" I was curious and willing to hear whatever was said.
He then told me that when he was younger he had engaged in oral sex with another man.
Obviously I was quite taken aback and surprised - he has always been very into my body and our sex life. I also don't know WHY he told me this. I don't feel like I needed to know it. He said he's never told anyone in his life and wanted me to know before we got married (again, not sure exactly why).
Since he told me he has told me that it's 'unearthed' what happened and he feels like he has been thinking about it more and more. He has also suggested that we have a 3-some and has admitted watching male to male porn of blow jobs!!
Now I'm very open minded and know several of my female friends who have also experimented when they were younger. But this just bothers me. Not the fact that he might be bi (which he obviously is as much as he isn't willing to accept it), but that I am never going to be able to give him THAT!
He has said that he could never imagine kissing another man, anal sex and is not aroused by the thought of cuddling or having a relationship with a man or looking at a man's body as a whole. But he says he feels aroused by an erect penis.
I do believe him.
Am I being stupidly naive??
Is it possible he really could have a "penis fetish" or is this just the first step to me being left for a man in the future?!??

Sharing fantasies is one thing, asking for a threesome is another. That is bringing another person into the relationship.

as someone said above this will not go back in a box now.

He is letting you know about his sexuality and he feels it important enough to try to open you up to the idea of him being able to have homosexual activity because he's trying to work out how he can satisfy that need and still go ahead with marriage.

You 2 really need to talk a lot about this.

Look, you posted (were unsure enough to post) and we responded according to our own instincts about this.

You can choose who you listen to. No-one is setting out to hurt you. Of course you know him best, and it must be hurtful when people suggest he might cheat

Hmm, well it is quite common for hetero men to have the odd blow job or fumble when they are young and hormones are raging, without remotely being attracted to men or bisexual. The more worrying thing is that he is talking so much about it now, and having fantasies. That to me suggests that it is something he might like to repeat, and may decide to try again. He does sound as though he is drip-feeding you info to see what you will tolerate. Youthful fumble? Wouldn't bother me. Fantasising wistfully about men? Would bother me. A lot. I think he needs to be really truthful with you about this. Will he seek out sexual contact with men? If he feels he is bisexual, why does that mean he can't be faithful to one person?
Oh and I would never consider a threesome, it isn't something I have any interest in at all, but ime of friends in this situation, the one who suggests a threesome is often doing it because they want to try same-sex sex, or voyeurism, but with a gloss of not-being-unfaithful on it, to justify or play down their desires.

is this just the first step to me being left for a man in the future

You might as well say "My DP has told me that he finds women attractive, particularly blonde ones. I am brunette. Is this the first step to me being left for a blonde woman in the future?"

If you want your relationship to be totally monogamous then lay it on the line now and tell him you're not prepared to have any threesomes even though you don't know what you're missing cos MMFs are hot as fuck in my experience! and you won't accept him being monogamish. If he can't give you a hearty hurrah, or at least the reasonable pretence at it that most people give, then bin him off.

I think to be honest this guy is bi sexual, has held back the "male" side of things but now finds he wants that side of him again and to legitimise it is asking you if you will join in. Now this is up to you of course whether you would mind him being bi sexual but there are 2 ways to play that, you either say, not interested or dont be suprised if he starts seeing "guys" on the side unless you make it clear that this would bother you too (if it does) ---being honest I have found very very few straight men that Ive known are interested in gay (male on male ) porn (maybe it does happen but not amongst the guys I know and its been discussed too) but know quite a few women who like female on female porn (as do many men)

Well said, Ford!

Right, so we had 'the chat' last night. To be honest he was surprised I'd even been worrying about it.
Like what Ford said - he has told me that although he has had those thoughts he would never act on them because he would never cheat. I asked him if it was something he'd want to try and when I reminded him about the threesome comment he explained he'd just said that IF he were to do it it would be with me but he has no desire to actively seek out a guy for that purpose. People can say he's bi or gay or whatever but I believe him fully when he says the thought of kissing or bottom stuff with a guy makes him feel sick.
He seems very laid back about it as not as evasive as I thought he was once being - I think maybe I'd projected my uncomfortable feelings onto him. He assured me that our relationship and future is the most important thing to him and he would never jeopardise it.
As I'd said yesterday - if this was a male friend saying the same, or a female friend who had these thoughts about vaginas I wouldn't be in the slightest bit concerned, so I just had to remind myself that.
He said that he gets aroused by other people being aroused, and that an erect penis is just an example of that.
After our chat I actually feel a bit silly that I'd been so worked up about it in the first place. I think we as a society can be quite prudish can't we?
I even suggested the strap on idea (🙈) or maybe watching some porn together with that theme and he wasn't in the slightest bit interested it.
I'm sure I'll still get some replies telling me I'm naive or stupid etc, but thanks to everyone who was a bit more open minded with their comments :)

That's good news

Just a note of caution. My bisexual XH said similar things to me. 'Don't worry, not a fetish, it's you and only you I want, not THAT keen on men...' Then the 7 year itch struck, he got bored 'wanted more', and decided that maybe he had been gay all along and just pretended 'so as not to hurt me'. Bloody hurt when he left to 'explore his sexuality' though.

But love is always a risk, nothing ventured, etc. Good luck, OP.

He's told you what you wanted to hear - so good news!

yet - I'm guessing you know the OP's DH personally?

Ha! Thanks Missb - obviously I am a stupid little wallflower with the inability to look my DP in the eyes and have a real conversation and judge that correctly. Naive little lady! 😉

I think his summary of being turned on by another persons arousal and seeing a hard on as a symbol of this is actually quite a fair explanation. It sounds like you have a great relationship and it's lovely he can be so open with you.
However I also have a gay friend (and this is just an example, not generalising) who regularly meets married men for oral sex and says they tell him it's just not something they can get from their wives.
Only you can know if you trust him enough to move on from this...listen to your instinct, it will tell you if you truly have anything to worry about.

Be careful OP,

I've been in a similar position and was told I don't want to be with a man and like women etc but I trusted my instincts which proved to be right. I ended it and years down the line I saw he had come out as gay.

I realise that some men still cannot admit this to themselves and will gout of their way to hide from themselves and society. This may not be the case with your chap but I am curious as to why now! I would have accepted it more if he had mentioned to you earlier in the relationship. I just got then sense that as the wedding may be coming closer he is reflecting on who he is and what he really wants.

Just talk to him as others have advised and pay close attention to what he says.

It's insulting to assume that just because he has this particular kink that he's going to run around being unfaithful with dozens of men. Someone is either unfaithful or they're not, bisexuality doesn't make them compulsive cheats 🙄

Op, you know him well, go with your instincts.

He's not bisexual just because he fooled around with a guy once. Heteroflexible at most. Bisexuality involves relationships with both sexes, not just the odd fumble, and he seems very clear he wouldn't want to date a man.

I've fooled around with women in the past, does this mean my boyfriend shouldn't trust me? Of course not!

I think you're overthinking it and should just hear what he's saying and relax.

Jealous that my boyfriend wouldn't consider an MMF threesome!