OK, how do I compromise on this?

[PollyGasson24]

Have read a thread in which (male) OP has been advised to either leave, have an affair or see an escort because his wife only has sex every 5-6 weeks. The general consensus seems to be a compromise is not possible and the OP is getting gender biased double standards. Anyhow, got me thinking what compromise ppl could suggest for my situation, which is wearing me down atm.
DH often works away, I'm living as a lone parent while he socialises and looks at porn 'when lonely'. He knows I don't agree with that. Historically, he wanted more sex than me, when I was on the pill (no libido), had young children and was working. Bearing in mind I was by myself with two kids a lot of the time, so that also affected my desire - it was not my choice to work away and therefore abstain for months, feel a bit shit I now know he was out drinking and looking at other women during these times. Usually did about once a week when he was home, possibly once a fortnight when kids were up every night and I was knackered.
Found out a few things about his socialising and past behaviour about a year ago, asking him to stop looking at porn and arguing (I think) led to him getting ED, which is still evident to some extent. Honestly wouldn't be surprised if it was guilt induced, as I'm sure I don't know all his exploits.
Now, kids are older, I'm a sahm because I can't get a job to fit in with school. I've been interested in spicing things up and would be happy with 3-4 times a week. He's not interested in toys or things I would like to try, says he's only interested in sex once a week, but when we do, it's always the same, and boring. I'm losing any interest I had myself now, and am less and less inclined to bother at all, as he thinks anything apart from a quick shag is too much bother.
So, if I don't want to leave, where's the compromise? Any advice?

I hope yelling at me and calling me uppity (?) feels better but I'm guessing I'm closer to where your husband sits than the people agreeing with you. If you want to compromise without trying to understand his point of view at all, then that is your right.

Btw - he likely closes his eyes because he feels very little emotional and sensual connection to you because of the relationship breakdown you've described and so he feels embarrassed. My guess is that the acts you are suggesting require a higher level of vulnerability and openness (and that's why you're so angry he's turning them down) but he's also unable to open himself up.

Neither of you seem willing to be truly open to each other (you're parked in anger and him in passive aggressiveness) but good luck to you anyway!

user I thought yelling was meant to be in caps?
You do sound somewhat emotionally invested, from the dh side of things. I don't mind ppl not agreeing with me, put tbh, you don't know us as well as I do, so you are assuming a lot. Not giving every little detail in the OP is not drip feeding. Some things are not relevant until someone asks something. You have been sarcastic and aggressive from your first post, and still without offering any advice on the question at hand.

FYI, I have tried to understand his point of view, however, he has said little, so I have little to go on. He has shown little remorse for his cheating and lying behaviour over the years, even repeating and breaking promises he made regarding this. It is only now in this last year that he has seemed to take some of his actions on board, seeing how hurtful they have been and this coincides with the ED. Make of that what you will - I am sure you will find some way to blame me for that too. I am actually very open in telling him how I feel, he isn't. I give him plenty of opportunity to discuss things, he doesn't do this.
Anyway, I'm not going to try and explain any more as it's obviously going nowhere. Thanks to the pp who suggested things, or showed some compassion and understanding.

The relationship is broken. The only choice is to leave.

In that case I agree with Offred. Any suggestion I make that isn't 100% demonization of your DH = blaming you. Whether I'm wrong or right, that's a good sign that the relationship is unsalvageable.

I agree that you should leave him.