Inappropriate content on device used by DC - advice please

[SaturdaySituation]

Ex has a tablet that both the DC (8 and 2) use on a regular basis. It moves between the houses and I check it regularly to make sure it's being used for only what is allowed.

Checked it this morning and was greeted with a short video of Ex pleasuring himself. To make it worse, toddler DS was visible in the bed next to him, albeit asleep.

The stupid gobshite has the photos backed up to his personal email so all the photos/videos taken with his phone were going to the tablet as well.

I've turned the sync off so it won't happen in the future.

Do I leave it now or do I need to speak to him? DD plays apps/games that access photos on the tablet so it's quite possible that she would happen upon this video.

He's not usually an idiot or a shit parent so I'm a bit disappointed and also grossed out.

Advice please Have name changed obvs but am a long time poster.

Checked it this morning and was greeted with a short video of Ex pleasuring himself. To make it worse, toddler DS was visible in the bed next to him, albeit asleep

That is really, really fucking disturbing. With your child there?

I agree Saor .

I have a history of overreacting and thought MN would tell me to leave it tbh.

To be honest I think your biggest problem is that he thinks it's in any way appropriate to "pleasure himself" while he has a small child in the bed with him who might wake at any moment.

The stuff on the tablet can be erased and you can ask him to sort out the syncing problem but the attitude and assumption that this behaviour is ok might be harder to deal with.

It's okay you making sure it doesn't happen again but your ex has filmed himself masturbating in front of your sleeping child with the child in view. I would call the NSPCC or the duty desk in children's social care for guidance. And don't delete it.

Thanks White.

I deleted it and went back through the rest of the photos/vids and deleted the other naked pics I found (4-5) before turning off the sync.

Am going to speak to him.

Yes the stuff being synced etc is a problem, but it's not the main problem, why on earth would he be doing that with a toddler in his bed?!

Can you get them back?? Appreciating you don't want to look at it but it might be important...

As PP's have said the fact that your kids have access to that kind of content is an issue,but not the main issue.
Him having a wank next to your toddler and filming it is. Also is he sending these videos to anyone?

He will definitely be sending them to someone, or putting them online, it may even have been 'live'. And that's a problem.

I think I'd want to take advice about this one, maybe from childline or social services, or even the police.

This just made my stomach churn. He's masturbating next to a sleeping infant and recording it.

This isn't ok.

Fucking hell
Yes, he's not making them for his own entertainment - they're being sent to someone. This is very, very serious.
You need professional advice ASAP.
Once online, your child's images could end up somewhere very sinister with that association next to him
what an absolute twat.

This is absolutely not the norm!

What person would be happy receiving that video with a child lying asleep?!!!

Eurghhhhhhhhh

What person would be happy receiving that video with a child lying asleep?

Think about it.

Sorry to be blunt but as far as I'm concerned that's child abuse. No more contact with your children, police need to be called. It's utterly disgusting and I'm sorry you're going through this. x

Anyone working with children would have a legal duty to report that.

Is there any way it can be retrieved?

Ring NSPCC, please.

I recently read an article with someone that works in preventing child abuse pornography on the internet and they talk about seeing an image very like this one which has stayed with them. You are definitely not overreacting. And frankly, where your children's safety is concerned, much better to overreact and deal with any fall out knowing they are safe.

Why did you delete the video and images?

Op check your recently deleted folder in the photos and see if you can retrieve. This is very serious and I agree with Juni - better to overreact than put your children at rick.

Risk*

Please be careful about posting about how to delete/not delete deleted items!

Is your husband Anthony wiener?!

Agree with what others have said. This is very serious. I don't think your options are leave it or talk to him. I think your options are NSPCC or police. I'm so sorry

Surely you know it's social services time, right? Show them the video ffs. You can't allow this abuse to continue.

I am really sorry but yes that's a police matter, for all the reasons already listed.

Try and get the video back and if you can't, take the device to the police- they will probably be able to.

There's also every chance that your 8yo has seen the video of their dad masturbating, since it's what greeted you as you turned it on.

You need to talk to your kid.