Would you go on this date?

[MrTumblesbitch]

I know by the other thread going that some people have super high boundaries, I've been single so long I don't know if I have any, so please wise ladies tell me if this needs side stepping!

Online date, have been chatting a week. He seems lovely and very promising. He originally said he was too busy to meet till after half term as he's away, which was fair enough. Then changed his mind and asked me out tomorrow afternoon as he was at a gig toorrow night.

I texted him earlier and just said "are you still up for tomorrow" and he's replied saying he can still meet for an hour if he's not too hungover, or it might be better to meet another time, and that he hasn't planned this very well.

My gut says walk away, but am I being too harsh? He seems really lovely, and we haven't met yet so he doesn't owe me anything. I just expected more than that I think.

For full disclosure, I've had many a fucked up relationship in the past so had a years psychotherapy when ds was born to try and deal with it all. Ds is 5 now and I've been single / not dating all this time. I'm incredibly inexperienced and not sure my instincts are correct ever.

So, should I reply? Go on date? Sack him off?!

Thank you all so much for reading this war & peace post!

All I know is that when I met my husband (not through online dating but we were both busy and lived far apart so had to text a lot), it just flowed easily and simply and without all this angst. I didn't spend hours composing witty texts and analysing his motivations and wondering if we should or shouldn't meet.

It just happened.

If he's right for you, the same thing will happen to you.

But what you did need up saying was fine - 'not watching the clock' is much better than 'I want you for a whole evening'!

Different perspectives I guess! If I bother leaving the house at all, leaving the kids, putting on some make-up, doing it for a measly hour is a bit of an anti-climax.

I have set off to meet 23 (?) characters 'blind' in the last two years and I generally have a good sense beforehand whether it'll be easy or not. Sometimes the pre-date chat is v brief and that's ok, you still find it easy and sometimes it's easy beforehand and then grinds to a halt in real life but on the whole, if I did a pie chart :-p a very good online rapport is a good indicator that you can kill more than an hour quite easily. You do seem nervous though. NO more self-deprecating humour about your lack of social skills though ok? that's an order ;-)

ps, I agree ''not clock-watching'' is better than ''want your company for a whole evening''. That could be a long evening that you felt contractually obliged to sit through!

I think what you texted was fine. You're overthinking things. Try not to tie yourself in knots about what to say and what not to say. Just be yourself! Have a date, for an hour, 2 hours, 4 hours....my first date with DP lasted 3 days! If you definitely want a second date then great, if you don't then that's fine too. You'll know if it's right.

Oh no. No no no. In the kindest possible way, you are attaching WAY too much importance to this one stranger.
I get it. I've been there, but he is already taking up too much space in your head.
Here's what you do : go back online and chat to some other men. Arrange a date with someone else. If you meet this guy - fine, but it may never even happen. Don't put all your eggs in one basket. The worst mistake you can make in online dating is to focus too intently on one man too early.
Your time is precious.

And, I agree that if it's right it should be easy. Plus he should be working around your availability not the other way round.

He sounds fine to me. Meet him when you both have more time. My thoughts are he was initially sensible in saying let's wait until after half term, but then got overenthusiastic and wanted to meet sooner so suggested a quick meet (which is actually a good idea with OLD). But then realised that was a rubbish idea, as he might be hungover and not at his best, so at least he recognised that.

I agree with ifnot........you are taking up way too much head space with a stranger. Go back online when you get a chance and start chatting with a few people. Good luck!

IfNot has it right. Setting up a date with a stranger should not come with all this angst and back and forth. Get yourself back online.

I think too much chat before you meet is a waste of time.

No matter how well you get on it's all irrelevant if you take one look at them in the flesh and realise their photos were exceedingly complimentary and 10 years old.

unapaloma especially with the 'I want you fighting fit when we meet' comment!

However, I agree with PPs - everything said on OLD before two people have met in person is usually utterly meaningless (whilst often enjoyable) once they've met anyway, so it doesn't really matter!