Hello. I'm new here. Need to talk ;-(

[user1490529346]

Well. I'm in relationship for nearly 12 years now. It never was easy...
He is 2 years younger than me and we have most precious daughter.
I don't really know where to start.
My soul is aching. Because I put so much into this relationship and I've been treated like a piece of crap.
I'm not an angel and I have a fair share in arguments. But I feel financially and emotionally abused. Here is why...
Financially - well he haven't been working for 6 years and been spending money on weed. A lot of money. To the point that we couldn't pay rent and have been evicted. I had words. Plenty of them. I cried, I shouted and I gave ultimatums. Nothing seem to work.
He has a bit of a past - have been homeless as a teenager, he also self harmed. But he also lies. Especially about money.

Emotionally - he blames me for everything. In every argument. I'm always the bad one. He calls me names. All sorts. He tells me he hates my guts.

He also hit me on two occasions, but I forgave.

Our sex life is non existent as he doesn't sleep in bed since 2011.

Am I a mug for being in relationship with him?

Hello User.
Hope you are ok?
This is an awful situation for you to be in.
Do you have any family/friends for support X

Not a mug but I am wondering why you're in a relationship with him. Abusive, doesn't bring money, happiness, sex or stability into your life... And he's hit you Why do you stay with him?

He sounds abusive and unstable.

Perhaps you've stayed because you imagined it might get better or because you put all that effort in and hate the thought it was all for nothing.

When you are in a relationship like that you can't imagine how your life would be out if it. I can guarantee you'd feel better out of it because while it might be hard, you can't put a price on your freedom or on being safe from being threatened with violence and financial abuse.

You deserve more than this OP. Listen to what you are trying to tell yourself here. Why have you posted here? You know.

Sending

Hello op, this guy sounds awful, what keeps you with him? Have you any friends or family for support?

I though it will get better. But my patience is wearing off. I had friends but lost them because of him. He seem to scare them away. My sister lives miles away and the rest of family lives in Poland.
If I end it he has nowhere to go and no money coming. He will become homeless again, which I would not forgive myself...

If he got a job he would have money. He chooses not to. That isn't your fault.

That's very true. He keeps saying that he couldn't get a job because of childcare. I told him we were entitled to some help but his response was " I'm not working just to pay someone else's wage."

Sorry but someone else out their is working to make sure he has money to live off.

I'm also concerned about him self-harming again...

namechange122 fair point...

You know what pisses me off the most? He is "sick and tired of being stuck at home, doing school runs and tidying" I had an operation back in march and I was bed bound. I'm recovering and can do more now, but still not 100%. The house is in such a state that I just want to cry...

He sounds like waste of space. His problems are not your problems. You deserve better.

It's not really a relationship, is it? If he becomes homeless, it's not your problem - presumably he's an able-bodied young man. Plenty of options for him.

You should be able to get some help as a lone mother, and give your lovely daughter the example of not staying with the useless drug-using woman batterer.

I'm just scared. Scared of his reaction. Scared how I will manage with DD school runs, etc etc...
I know I want stability and I know he can't give it to me. He wants to start the business and had an idea not to pay a rent this month. I think that was the icing on the cake. I'm so angry I cannot sleep

Intergalacticbrexitdisco that the one! I mentioned it to him before when he was calling me all the names under the sun if he would like DD to think that's normal. I hurt his feelings apparently

You should definitely not have to be scared. Have you heard of Women's Aid? You can call them and talk things through. Also, there is this, in Polish: www.nowezyciebezprzemocy.co.uk/polish-domestic-violence-helpline.php. They are open tomorrow.

Too bad - he's hurting more than your feelings with his nonsense.

Thank you so much. You don't even know how much it means to me. It will be so good to speak to someone in my own language. Once again - thank you .
And he won't be able to understand either.

I hope you get some support. You deserve better.

We split up. He is helping with taking DD to school while I'm of my feet. He is looking for somewhere to live. We are trying to stay from our ways and be civil.

Op I guarantee you that as time goes on you will become more confident in your new life and you will gain clarity on your past relationship. You will see him for exactly who he is.

It took me about 5 years to walk away from my marriage as I was so scared about going it alone.

The thing that did it for me was when he slapped my then 6 year old across the face full force. You could clearly see a hand print. These men never change. Don't make the mistake of thinking yours is any different.

Wishing you all the very best for your future. Just keep on going op and remind yourself of the awful things he has done. I used to ask permission to go out! I still get so angry with myself for allowing that!

You can do it!

We both know it is over. There is no intimacy, lack of communication, constant arguments. He is angry with me that I'm not begging him to try to sort things out. I'm 38 next week and I know that there is more to life than this mess.

I just need to stay firm and strong

Good luck OP and stay strong. Please don't let him talk you round or make you feel guilty. You are not his mother and are not responsible for him. You are responsible for your child though, who has the right to grow up in a stable and healthy environment. Please put her first.