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Original poster

Buying wife clothes

73 replies

user1487166445 · 18/05/2017 09:32

I recently bought my wife some new clothes - lingerie, a dress and a top. I used to buy clothes occasionally for partners in previous relationships and I've bought clothes for my wife before now. Some were well received, others not so. Anyway, this time she freaked out, got upset and wouldn't speak to me for days. Can anyone tell me why she might have had such a reaction? Thanks.

OP posts:

HarmlessChap · 19/05/2017 13:58

IME men and women have very different views on this.

Once our relationship became serious it was quite common for DW (or GF as she was then) to buy me clothes she thought I would look good in, she would expect me to wear them and would be hurt if I didn't like them.

If I did the same she would always say it wasn't her kind of thing and return them, whether it was a dress, blouse or lingerie made no difference and I would typically try to buy things which were similar to what she already had.

I soon realised that she didn't like me buying her clothes so I stopped. After we were married she continued buying lots of my cloths, not only that she would chuck out stuff I had bought if she she didn't like them, including an expensive leather jacket, so I just let her choose what she wanted me to wear, I was quite relaxed about it even if she said I have dreadful taste.

After the kids were born and she had PND, she started resenting that she did my clothes shopping so I started buying my own again which, I do prefer. Recently she has started suggesting she should choose my boxers as apparently I buy "cheap and nasty ones which look awful."

The whole dynamic confuses the hell out of me.

Demesne · 19/05/2017 16:30

Chap, honestly that all sounds creepy and controlling too. She threw out your own clothes you chose? That's absolutely awful. People would be up in arms if a man was telling a woman her dress sense 'was terrible' and throwing out her things, then demanding/coercing, by 'being upset', she wear only his choices. That's awful. That's made me rather sad, reading it.

Seriously, tell her to back off. You'll buy your own clothes and you don't appreciate her criticism. You're an independent man who don't need no woman to teach him style :)

AnyFucker · 19/05/2017 16:40

HC, the more I read about your wife, the more I don't like the sound of her

Want2bSupermum · 19/05/2017 16:47

DH buys me clothes but never underwear. When he buys clothes it's a 'I saw this and thought you would like it. The receipt is there so I can return it if I got it wrong.'

He never expects me to wear what he bought that day. As for underwear he told me it's better off than on.

yetmorecrap · 19/05/2017 17:12

I like my H very occasionallybuying me clothes, although in all fairness it tends to be stuff like M&S and Joe Browns at Xmas and birthdays-- we arent talking sexy stuff, more practical but nice, same with underwear , at xmas he always buys me some, usually M&S and tasteful (he hates the Ann Summers type stuff anyway )

thekeyboard · 19/05/2017 17:26

I'm fine with DH buying me lingerie as long as it's beautiful and luxurious things that I probably wouldn't buy for myself! Neither of us are into tat, so no need to go there. Tbh he probably buys me lingerie, bags or jewellery more than clothes, but I buy him clothes if I'm out and about and see something as he's not that fussy and hates shopping.

Butteredparsnip1ps · 19/05/2017 17:42

I buy DH clothes from time-to-time. Because he has no interest in clothes whatsoever, and is quite happy for me to interfere. His lack of vanity is one of the many things I love about him.

I choose to buy my own clothes, because the way I dress is an expression of who I am and I wouldn't want DH to attempt to second guess who I'm trying to be.

I imagine that your wife doesn't want you deciding who she is either.

AufderAutobahn · 19/05/2017 18:29

Harmless Chap - that sounds absolutely horrible. Seriously, how dare she?!

I'm glad this thread was created as I always felt like an ungrateful tool whenever my DH bought me something I didn't like. He's bought me some lovely dresses, as they're the sort of thing o wear, and i've really liked them. I just don't like being bought lingerie that makes me look and feel shit, but I know he likes - eg fishnet dresses, bodies (I think that's what they're called?) with thongs. He then asks me to try them on for him. I find this yuck but I thought I was just being a cow.

UndersecretaryofWhimsy · 19/05/2017 19:08

I buy DH clothes occasionally. I have a pretty good idea of his taste and men's clothing is far less fraught in general. I bought him a cashmere jumper and nice shirt at Christmas and he loved them but I'm always 100% prepared for clothing gifts to be returned. He buys me clothing very occasionally, but generally within guidelines provided by me. Buying clothes for another woman is a verrrrrry tricky business unless you know her VERY well. I'd hesitate to buy stuff for my own sisters unless it was very similar to something I knew she loved or I specifically knew she wanted one of [whatever].

HarmlessChap your wife does not sound very nice.

Jollypirates3 · 19/05/2017 19:22

Im thinking troll. You have 2 other posts. One stating you never have sex. Then another saying you 2 have discussed her sleeping with another man for you to view. And then instead of asking your wife what was wrong about the clothes sitiation you post on a parenting forum. Either you are making it up or she isnt intetested any more. Wants to sleep with someone else and using the clothes to cause a problem

StatelessPrincess · 19/05/2017 20:46

I'm not sure if OP is real either but if you are then I think your marriage is in big trouble. You're so focused on your lack of sex and thinking of how you might get some more but the real problem is your lack of communication. You're asking us why your DW might be annoyed..why haven't you asked her? Why hasn't she told you? Has it not occurred to you that your lack of emotional closeness might be causing the lack of physical closeness? Buying lingerie is not going to fix that.

Sunshineandeggshells · 19/05/2017 21:03

Dh bought me me 20 dresses for xmas! I have been breastfeeding small children for over 5 years, so clothes have been bought due to feeding ease. Due to work schedules and Childcare issues I rarely have chance to shop. He bought 20 so I could try them on in my own time, at home and keep the ones I liked (2 in the end). It was very thoughtful of him and meant a lot to me. No preassure. No agenda. Was about me and not him.

AnyFucker · 20/05/2017 11:01

I don't understand why folk come on these threads and recount their own perfectly acceptable scenarios when it is clear the op is a steaming pile of wankery

HarmlessChap · 20/05/2017 11:03

My wife is lovely, sometimes odd and confusing but lovely none the less. Her mother and maternal grandmother were both domineering women who treated their husbands like this so as far as she was concerned how she is, is normal.

Our marriage reached a crisis point but we're both making a lot of changes to better meet each other's needs and we both seem a lot happier now. I don't think she intends being controlling but her behaviour is quite ingrained, I've probably been too easy going in the past.

Lucked · 20/05/2017 11:10

Lingerie and a dress for her to look nice for you? I can see how this could've problematic if your relationship has issues at the moment.

AnyFucker · 20/05/2017 11:15

HC...by "easy going" do you mean completely docile ?

BirdBandit · 20/05/2017 11:21

OP, do you really need to have strangers in the internet explain to you why your wife might not be receptive to a gift of clothes, from a man she married, who then turned out to view her as an object and wanted her to indulge his cuckolding fetishise?

Really? Because why she might be pissed off seems pretty simple to me. If you are that oblivious to her feelings, do her a favour and leave her alone.

HarmlessChap · 20/05/2017 11:46

AF, not "completely". I didn't speak up often enough I just let things ride to avoid conflict.

DreamingofItaly · 20/05/2017 11:52

I buy DP clothes because otherwise he wouldn't have any. He doesn't shop (unless it's from Amazon). He doesn't mind..might raise his eyebrows at a few colours but if he doesn't like something it goes back. I'm not bothered. I also throw out his clothes that are old/full of holes and occasionally charity shop stuff that doesn't fit him. Same way I do with my stuff.

He used to buy me sexy undies in the early days of our relationship (10 years in now) which was fun. Think we're kinda over it now though.

I don't think it's controlling, I think it's kind, but if she's not keen then stop. In truth, sounds like you need to have a chat about it and see if there's a bigger problem.

Good luck!

Original poster

user1487166445 · 21/05/2017 19:23

Most of you lot are weird!

OP posts:

Willow2017 · 21/05/2017 20:19

Usual then?

Op: an I wrong to do this?
Everyone: yes because of x, y & x.
Op: you lot are weird, wrong Tec.

Everyone is weird cos they want to chose their own clothes, ok. Bet we are weird if we think your idea of getting your sex life back on track by asking your wife to shag some random man is ridiculous too.

anon1987 · 21/05/2017 21:31

Well I'm really not sure why she'd react like that to be honest??

I'd love it if my partner bought me clothes, i'd think it was a nice gesture.
But then again everybody is different.

Perhaps it's more then just the clothes, maybe she's upset about something else, or maybe she feels you're being controlling?

If it's the case that you just bought her the clothes, then I think she's being a little dramatic and childish if you ask me.

ConfidentlyUnhinged · 21/05/2017 22:07

I occasionally buy my husband underwear for me to wear - it's a present for him and the direction of the gift makes sense that way.

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