Buying wife clothes

[user1487166445]

I recently bought my wife some new clothes - lingerie, a dress and a top. I used to buy clothes occasionally for partners in previous relationships and I've bought clothes for my wife before now. Some were well received, others not so. Anyway, this time she freaked out, got upset and wouldn't speak to me for days. Can anyone tell me why she might have had such a reaction? Thanks.

*BeepBeepmove.
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I looked at it one way and then saw what you said.

OP. I'd also like to say that the ignoring for days isn't good either. Get upset, but not for days. Talk about things.

AgathaF, read his February thread. In that he states that his wife has zero interest in any form of intimacy.

Buying any sort of lingerie in this situation is going to have a poor reception, would you not agree?

This innocent "oh but I buy my wife clothes to be nice" is a heap of bollocks and he's fooling nobody.

Not the advice you wanted OP?

FuckYouLinda I did look at his two previous threads, which is why I said they indicated all was not well in the relationship.

Hm, reverse-searching posters is creepy but, in this case, enlightening. Because now we see that 'user' likes to visit 'cuckold' websites and is aroused by the thought of his wife with other men (did you tell your wife this? Did it go down well?), and bafflingly, there's a lack of intimacy.

Look, dude, she's just not that into you. Maybe you fucked up, maybe she did, maybe you've just grown apart. It's over. Buying lingerie isn't going to help.

'Lingerie' I mean, who even uses that word?? It's underwear.... you know, good old fashioned bra and pants! Not slivers of lace and nylon in bright colours! Yuk!

Lingerie lol! No no no

*Me, personally, if a guy bought me clothes I'd think he was a fucking weirdo. I'm not a doll he can dress as he pleases, and unless you literally work in the fashion industry or have amazing style yourself, I wouldn't take a man's advice on style anyway. It's pretty well known men haven't a clue what women want in underwear (tip: comfort, not lace) or clothing (tip: flattering, not revealing.)

OK, so you've bought her clothes before and sometimes it's not been well-received. Take the hint! It's creepy. Maybe you come from a culture where men buy the women's clothes so they can always be dressed to your 'standards'. Whatever the reason, stop it. It's weird. She's an independent human being, not a baby that needs its outfits bought on its behalf.

Being given clothes by someone else is them basically saying "I want you to look like this." So you've given her things that have made her feel bad about herself, because a) they're tight and revealing, and that isn't who she is and she is upset you think she should wear such stuff, b) they're massive and baggy, and that isn't who she is either, so she's upset you think she has to wear such stuff, c) the items are too young or too old, and she's upset because you apparently don't know how old she is, d) they're completely wrong, stylistically, and she's upset you don't seem to know her style, e) they're over-the-top 'sexy' and you've basically slapped down some stuff and demanded 'be sexier', which is upsetting.

Frankly, it's controlling. It's saying "these are the things I think you should wear" and that the things she buys herself and likes are 'wrong' somehow.

And yes. Your relationship is clearly in a bad place and you just made it worse. She doesn't have 'a perception' that you're controlling her, you just chucked down a bunch of bloody lingerie and PROVED it. Icky.

But that's pretty par for the course. If any relationship is in a bad place - one person's feelings are hurt, one person feels alone or scared or bullied - then buying shit isn't going to help.

Another tip. If she says you're controlling, why not, OOOH, stop telling her how to dress?*

^^ THIS.
Quoting this in its entirety just in case the OP couldn't bear to read it or in any way at all thought it didn't apply to him..

I dont see the big deal here. He bought his wife clothes, so what? Women buy their partners clothes all the times, often clothes the man does not want to wear. Why cant men buy women clothes?

Personally, I think she sounds childish. Dunno the history of this man, others do apparently, but based on this she sounds petty. Having a sulk for 4 days because she got given a present? Eh what? If you dont like the clothes, say so? You could easily go back out with your partner to shop again, exchange it, and make a date out of it, go out for dinner etc. Or if the size is wrong, exchange it? Pretty sure women have gotten the clothes size wrong for their husbands before, doubt the husband goes and sulks for 4 days about it. Why cant she act like a grown up about it?

Really, if this situation was reversed, and a woman came on here and said her husband had sulked for 4 days because she bought him clothes, people would tell her to leave him and be a strong woman and find a better man. Well mate, leave her, she's petty, she's childish, why bother with her?

Ask her why, if you'd bought your size 10 wife size 18 that might be why, or they might be shocking, or you'd bought her size 8 and she's a 16...

DH is better at clothes shopping than I am, to put it bluntly he's not going to pick an outfit that doesn't make him want to hop into bed with me (and no, I'm not talking mini-skirts and slutty knickers, I mean nicely fitted clothes in a style that show off my assets). By assets, I mean my bottom, that's all I have :D

I think it's slightly different. Women buy men clothes because some some are so lazy and don't care about stuff that if their partner buys them a white tshirt it like 'Thanks I couldn't be arsed to to that myself even though all my white tshirts are now brown'

*Not actually show it off, not like buttockless trousers or fanny grazing mini skirts!

A dress? It wasn't a pink one from M&S was it?

Some great posts here. I agree it's controlling. And no I wouldn't choose clothes for OH either.

Women buy clothes for men all the time

I think that's weird and I have to agrre with Demesne. I'd never dream of buying a partner clothes and I'd hate a partner to buy clothes for me. It's such an individual thing that invariably it's wrong, either in style, colour, fit, size, material or pattern. And I loathe men buying me lingerie because deep down it's not really for me is it, it's for me to model for them. I like dressing up from time to time but on my terms and in clothes I've chosen myself.

I do buy clothes for DH, but not as a present or favour. It's more like he needs some undies, jammies or a new shirt for work, so I might order a few things when I'm doing an online shop, or email him a link to something I've seen that he might like and he'll yay or nay it. He needed a new shirt for a wedding, last summer, so I ordered a few. He tried them on, we critiqued them together (I can see how the back hangs better than him - he has wide shoulders which are difficult to fit to on an otherwise slight frame) and we sent most of them back again because they were no good.

I didn't need praise and there was no need for any drama.

No point in a proper answer due to the OP's misleading omission of backstory, but briefly:
Buying with thought and to please partner: ok.
Ignoring relationship issues to buy something wholly unlike partner's usual style to titillate yourself: not ok.

My ExH used to do this regularly. There were the lingerie gifts which one might reasonably tolerate and smile at on birthdays (stupidly expensive and ill-fitting unless you were looking for the 'nipples bursting out of their covers' look). Nice stuff too, dresses, shoes.

This was when I was a sahm mum to 1, 2, 3, and finally 4 kids.

It sucked the pleasure out of ME browsing, deciding, trying on,choosing what to where when. A dress and heels brought home on a Friday were expected to be put on as soon as the kids were in bed. It was unwanted, a waste, and dismaying. I remember once going up to take a shower after a busy Saturday on football sidelines, at the park, and making homemade chicken goujons to see a dress and underwear draped on the bed for me to wear. I actually cried at the whole 'Mad Men' sexy 1950s wife look he wanted me to wear. It took a deep breath and courage for me to stick on clean jeans and a hoodie, face the disappointed look, the huffy manner, the cold disapproval, because it was Saturday and I WANTED TO WATCH STRICTLY AFTER MY TEA.

Honestly, it made me feel gilded and disrespected. It took a long time to fight it.

After he left me for someone he now also dresses I turfed all the unwanted undies in the bin and gave away the dresses bought that I had never chosen.

suite what a knob! Thank goodness you got rid of him.

And I loathe men buying me lingerie because deep down it's not really for me is it, it's for me to model for them.
Absolutely.

And now I know about your cuckolding sites OP, maybe your wife feels you are now grooming her for this. (really need a puke face)

You should get rid of her OP, you're clearly mismatched.
I wouldn't bother anymore. She's not interested. I totally get why she would not be that happy, whatever you're intentions.
Do the right thing for both of you & move on.

Maybe she doesn't like wearing clothes you buy. She would be offended if you were undermining her ability to dress up. If my DH bought me clothes I would appreciate this kind thought but if he did regularly and his taste wouldn't match mine then I would be cross with him. I hope you don't instill your taste in fashion on your DW. It's can undermine her.

I don't get it - you bought a present for her...if I buy a jumper or jeans or something for my husband I would expect thanks. I am not trying to dress him in a certain way just thought it would be nice. If husband bought for me I would think it is kind that he spent the time choosing something. Depending on how much I didn't like it (if I didn't) would depend if I would even say that I didn't like it - but I love an easy life and want a super easy marriage. Husband has only bought me lingerie and scarves/hats/gloves before or things I have pointed out to him though so perhaps if it was something like a PVC dress with nipple holes I would feel differently (but would prob just laugh at him anyways)

It could be a host of reasons but you should have asked her why - otherwise how will you know?

I like my bf shopping with me - he has good taste - and he's very patient/encouraging but I wouldn't like him buying me clothes routinely.

Weirdo alert

I like dh buying me clothes.

He quite often misses the mark and it gets returned but he sometimes gets something that I wouldn't have looked at twice and it'll look really nice on. I tend to always shop for the same things so it's a nice way to get in to something new.

He enjoys picking stuff out and I think the thought he's put in is sweet.

And I do the same for him.

Nothing about control with us.

Controlling? Would you say the same for food they bought without your input? I have no problem with my partner buying me clothes; they're a gift and if they don't fit or I don't like them, they get returned or exchanged. The same goes for clothing I might buy him. Clearly there are instances of abusive relationships where control with clothing may happen but in a happy relationship I see nothing wrong with it.

A woman buying underwear or lingerie can be either functional or a treat for her.
A man buying lingerie is buying himself a treat. It's saying "I'd like to have sex with you while you are wearing this please"
A man buying lingerie for his wife who doesn't want to have sex with him is creepy.
A man with a cuckhold fetish buying lingerie for his wife who doesn't want to have sex with him is definitely straying into weirdo territory.