Am i wrong to be upset if SO goes on holiday without inviting me?

[dayandnight123]

I am in a lovely new relationship of 7 months and completely in love with SO. I booked a summer holiday for us to go together and he seems happy and excited about it. However, yesterday he said that next year he is going for a holiday with his friends (one male and one female). I was taken aback because my first thought had been to go on holiday together not separately, which is why I booked the summer break for us. We have been together on beautiful weekends away and see each other 3-4 times per week. I know everyone is different but am wondering why I am feeling hurt that he would not even ask if I would like to go on holiday with him, at least out of courtesy. He has gone on holiday before with the same (best) friends just a month after we met but this had been booked long before we met so of course I did not think anything of it and wished him a great holiday. We messages and skyped regularly when he was away because we both missed each other. Recently he has told me that 'people' come and go but friends and family are forever. This statement, coupled with a string of several 1-year relationships he has had makes me think that he may be afraid of commitment and is simply going round the same circles with each new relationship, afraid to commit from fear of being hurt and not really giving the new relationship a chance. I would be so grateful if anyone offers their opinion because I know I have probably been over thinking about this- everything else seems absolutely fine, he calls or messages every day, he has asked me to bring some clothes to his place and has introduced me to some of his friends and family (but not the ones he is travelling with). What should I make of this, if anything?

To be fair, OP says he splits all costs fairly and said he'd pay for everything on the hols.

Why don't you ask him "Can i join you, guys?" it could be he is just doing it out of habit and doesn't think you will enjoy it with people you don't know.

Yes possibly we are being over dramatic, I would still urge the OP to tread cautiously, for me I'd be disappointed in any man that was happy for me to pay for a holiday and then return that favour by informing me the following year he's off with not just a male pal, but also a female.

His comment about family and friends being around but others come and go would also be another red flat in my mind but we are all different but the OP has imo grounds to feel hurt, 7 months in and he should be making her feel the most important woman on the planet.

Have you ever noticed how many couples split up after they've been on their first holiday together? It's a very intense time and couples often find out the relationship and their partners bad habits arent quite what they want. I certainly wouldn't be booking next year's holiday without having tested the water with this year's. A weekend away is so very different to a fortnight stuck with the same person.

I don't think I'd be bothered about my boyfriend going away with a male and female friend or even sharing a room with them but bed sharing is a no go for me. If by this time
Next year he's insisting on sharing a bed with another woman dump him. You'll be 18months into a relationship and it would show a distinct lack of respect. Even at this stage bed sharing shows lack of respect but I took from your post that this wasn't relevant right now. Apologies if I read that wrongS

Well I've been with DH for nearly 20 years and we still go on separate holidays every year. We also go away together as a couple and a family but both love our ski weekend (dh) & sun weekend (me). I'm really struggling to see why he should invite you on a mates holiday anyway but especially if you're already going away together .

Im seeing an awful lot of assumptions (bed sharing, commitment phobe etc) that make you just sound needy & waaaaay more over-invested than your 'SO'

knowing that their SO is on a holiday with a friend of the opposite sex drinking shots and sleeping in the same room and same bed

If this is true OP then I'm afraid he's taking the complete piss.

Where is the other guy sleeping? Has he told you he's sharing the bed with her or are you just assuming? In any case, I think you've only been together 7 months so it's too early to start thinking of next year's holiday. Who knows what can happen?

Why did you pay for his holiday with you OP ?

Why did he accept ?

Did you ask him if he wanted to go on holiday with you before you booked and paid for it? As your op makes it sound like you didn't

thank you all for the feedback and thoughts - so useful! It seems the 'sleeping in the same bed' issue has provoked a lot of thoughts - I really have not been bothered by that since it was the beginning of our relationship and the trip had been booked before I met him. Also, when I asked him about it at the time (after seeing on a photo he sent me that the female friend was very beautiful) he did say that it was some kind of a mix up with the twin beds booking. Thank you to all of you who have pointed out that I need to take it easy and not be so invested so soon and not to come across as too needy but I still decided to talk to him about my feelings about his announcement to go on holiday with friends after our holiday together. I had been planning to go on a summer holiday for a while and before I met him because it would be my first seaside holiday in 3 years and since I have been feeling so happy and in love I asked him if he would like to join me. He said he would absolutely love to so I booked the holiday. Well, in fact he asked me if I was OK yesterday and I told him that I had been wondering if he ever thinks of me in his future plans given that he is arranging this holiday with friends. I told him that my first instinct has been to go on holiday with him so I had been wondering about his instincts. He said that he is too scared to make plans and have expectations that far in the future from fear of letting go and ending up being hurt; that for him expectations would lead him into worries and anxieties about the future so he prefers to live day to day and live every day with me as if it is the first one. He also said that he presumed I would be busy (my life is indeed very busy) and that he will always plan to go away with friends. I told him that of course that is absolutely fine but that what bothered me is that he never asked if I am busy or if I would like to ever come on a holiday. This made him pause and think and in the end he said that I have a fair point. This seemed genuine but he did not say anything more after that. I feel better both because of this conversation and also because of all your responses. Thank you all!

P.S. just to answer some of the questions I missed out earlier: he pays most of the time when we go out and at least half of the weekend getaways we have had. Couple of days ago he asked for my bank details and to my surprise he transferred money into it for the summer break expenses - so I have absolutely no issues about that. For the upcoming holiday with his friends, he will be going with a male and the female friend, in the same room but a separate bed for the female friend so again I have no worries about it apart from wanting to meet the female friend sometime ( I have already met the male friend).