Abusive ex want to meet new partner for a pint

[Littlefrogletx]

Wtf do i do.
Been with dp a year, he met dc earlier than we ever wanted but one of exs stupid threats was i introduced him as a bf or he would tell dc that i was a lying slag ( his words)
Ex has a harrassment notice we have no contact as he can not stop being abusive.
Last month i told him he was not to contact me again, to contact dp or write letters.
I have ptsd because of 2 years of abusive shit.
He has since we split called my parents, my neighbours etc calling me a slut etc.
Now hes decided he wants to meet new partner.
He scares the shit out of me.
He has made 6/7 malucious reports to ss.
The last time he emailed me he was calling me a shit mum etc.
I think hes going to try and badmouth me to dp.
My dc really get on with him. Ex said to.dp that kids dont say a bad word about him.
He knows he is worthy of being in their lives.
My dd9 has said her dad wants to meet the man who spends more time with her.
To add, ex is a fucking coward who has.passed dp on the garden path and couldnt look him in the eye, but has no issues sending me nasty emails.
Any thoughts?
What do i do
Ex has introduced 3 gfs to kids in a year, ive kept out of it.

Just ignore the thick bastard

Why are you giving this any headspace ?

Thanks all.
Anyfucker cos i care about whats best for my kids, the SS reports shit me up but it was seen by them as what it was
But someone pointed out it has zero benefit to them.
We arent going on any happy days out!
I just needed to hear it.
Its just ex trying another cunts trick, and i though he was actually trying to be nice.
I have no contact with him or intend to, but certain issues do need discussing, but dp is happy to deal with him by text.
He thought as dc had expressed they wanted him to meet ex, it would help
But Im putting my foot down.
My dc, my choice
Just had it drummed into me im a shit mum.

And yeah, he is a thick bastard
But now hes got a dictionary and uses big words in his texts!!

for god's sake ignore him. He is a waste of space. Why engage?

If you ignore his texts you won't have to fret about his "big words".

I agree with the poster that says he may set your partner up. There's absolutely no good reason why he should meet him. You also have to set an example to your kids. They're not stupid and will already be aware that he's able to push you around. Do you want them to think that it is normal for women to be bullied by men?

Can i just add, mumsnet gets a slating sometimes, but the advice and kicks up the arse ive had here has helped so much.

This website gave me the confidence to not live in fear everyday and kick my ex out once and for all, to see what i accepted as normal was the total opposite.

I ended a carcrash of a relationship and bumped into my dp and am happier than i thought i could be, i had really somehow thought i was destined to accept a shitty relationship forever.

Anyone who thinks that they cant do any better and deserve to be treat like shit.
Dont... Dont do it.

There is so much support out there.
I was convinced my parents would be disappointed, im the only one in my family with a broken home

They werent, they Were shocked and sad to find out the truth.
Do not waste another minute living in fear.
Life is too short
Thank you for giving my head a shake, to anyone who has ever given me advice on mn.
It means more than you would know.
Vipers lol!

Poverty.
No way, thats why i left.
I was devstated i ever let my dc see it
Its the balance now with him being a bitter ex.
Ive tried to be reasonable for dc, but ex cant do it
Just needed reassurment i wasnt an evil shit mum.

Your new DP is probably too good a man to ever listen to shit ex and all the crap he has to say about you. But why even make DP listen to it? It'll only bring more shit to your doorstep. Absolutely avoid them meeting

Ex doesn't have a right to meet DP. So he can fuck off. Have the email come from you and DP both: "Our DC's welfare is our priority. We do not see the benefit of you meeting DP." If he asks why, then both of you can say "You haven't shown a reliable track record of cordiality. The drawbacks far outweigh the benefits for our DC". Any more shit from him and notify police and SS, not that he's necesarily committed a crime now but that he has ongoing aggression towards you and you want a record of it with them. So now get together any evidence of that - texts and emails, FB messages etc ready to send to them

OP you've got some bloody stamina going through this shit!! Well done to get through what sounds like a really shitty awful toxic relationship, you've got strength I could never muster

And you don't have a broken home!! You've lifted your DC out of a really awful situation, you've bettered their lives. Ex obviously tried to break you but your lives aren't broken, you don't have a broken home - you've done a bloody stellar job and should be so so proud

i though he was actually trying to be nice

Why would you ever think this? He's not your overprotective and occasionally dickish dad. He's your ex. He is an irrelevance. He's someone you know through your children at this point. Not a friend. Not someone who should be in your thoughts at any point during the day. Not someone you should listen to, except to extract practical information regarding contact with the kids.

God no. Don't give the bastard headspace. Why the fuck should you or your DP give that shit a minute's more thought than you need to? You know that all will come of this is that he'll meet your DP. He'll bitch about you for a few hours, and then he'll go away and start telling everyone what a bastard your DP is and how he can't trust his children with him. Your relationship is none of his business. Do not respond - and stop letting him manipulate you like this.

Thankyou, ive dealt with anxiety depression a new diagnosis of ptsd and a huge mulitple sclerosis relapse when i went blind in one eye, fell off a chair cos my maxi dress was too long as id lost too much weight through stress lol.
Pain killers gave me a stomach ulcer and dealt with SS reports and constent benefit fraud threats reports from ex.
I knew what i needed to do. But having him try and ruin me, as he threatened made it hard, i got through it.
But its just these wobbles, i doubt myself its been drummed into me
But my dc are happier, im happier,
I met someone who just wants to love me.
I am never taking shit again
But this twatty twat just wont piss off.

But this twatty twat just wont piss off

He will get bored if you ignore the shit. Or at least if you fake it (till you make it). Respond only to the things that he should be talking to you about. Pretend anything else didn't even get said. He might try something new on periodically when bored, but overall he should hopefully get the message.

My dp is a good man, he sees things from a dads pov.
He will say when im just being a bitch but is very clear with his advice opinions on when ex is being a deluded twat.
Its just very hard to believe in your own thoughts when theyve been contrilled for more than half your life. And im not young as I was

The problem is mummy issues.
I was with ex for 14 years.
His mum abandonded him at age 10ish, she was a heroin addict
His dad is a waste of space. He was kicked out at 17 by his.dad and stepmum
I was his female influence, mum, gf, etc for 14 years, longer than he had ever had state love in his life
He never dealt with his shit childhood, didnt want to upset his dad and ask questions.
His mum died of heroin addict issues 12 years ago.
He didnt greive, didnt cry he was shut off.
I have taken all the anger. I feel like i was a female who cared and gave him more love than he had ever had from family.
And he is going to take that anger out on me

I'm sorry to say but you relationship with your ex sounds like it was insanely dysfunctional and your current relationship doesn't sound ideal either. You've been with your DP all of one year and he 'sees things from a dad's POV' (?!), will 'say when you're being a bitch' and is clear with advice and opinions on your communications/relationship with your ex? He needs to take a quick twenty steps backwards.

Be careful you've not swapped being your ex's mum for being your new partner's child.

Understand no circumstances, agree to this

My dp sees things from a separated dads view because he has a dd 12 from a prev relationship that he went through the court order process at his cost
I dont think thats disfunctional???

Who the fuck cares what your abusive X wants or thinks?

Seriously OP, you need to shrug this off immediately. What he wants or thinks is not your concern at all. He's continuing attempts at power plays and you seem all too willing to play.

You don't have to!! You don't need to. Ignore ignore ignore.

You're being harassed and you need to contact the Police.

Unfortunately, you're still in an abusive relationship with your Ex and you must stop rewarding him by allowing him to manipulate you. This man can never be reasonable, there's never going to be something that you do or don't do or say or don't say, that will make him reasonable. You tried that, by being his Mum, best friend etc and look where that got you.

It's time implement some strong boundaries and be prepared to police them when he invariably oversteps them.

CALL THE POLICE!

What's concerning is, what did you learn about yourself between leaving your Ex and meeting your current DP? We have to first acknowledge our contributions to relationship dynamics before we can address them. The failure to do this, is why so many women go from one abusive relationship to another. I'm not saying your current DP is abusive but your continued dynamic with your Ex, suggests that you didn't learn the lesson as well as you needed to, to better establish healthier relationship dynamics.

Your dp doesn't understand what's going on here.

You do.

Fuck your ex, he has no rights to meet your dp, and if I were you I'd be doing everything in my power to prevent that poisonous gas cloud coming anywhere near me, my family or those I love.

He's manipulated your kids. Take this as a warning.

Try to encourage a distance between him and your kids. He literally will bring no good whatsoever to their lives.

Just ignore him. No reply. Nothing

This is giant trap. Don't do it.

You are both utter fools for giving in to his demands in the past. Don't make the mistake of doing it again.

You're letting him do this to you. He has no power over you.

What do i do

Ignore it. Let him go on and on about it and then eventually just say 'Oh that, not interested thanks'.

What are the details of the harassment notice?

I'd be keeping a log of all contact from your ex - both direct and indirect (through kids, reporting to SS everything - including any arrangements about kids which go through your partner and email did you say?). I think it would help to have a clear picture of the level of harassment/contact that is ongoing as you may need to involve the police (again?). - It sounds to me like your ex is escalating by trying to meet your DP.