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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Sick and tired of his attitude

29 replies

Whatagirltodo123 · 14/05/2017 20:28

Ive been with my partner 4 years engaged for 2 and I'm getting tired of his behaviour. He moans the house is a mess so I tidy it up for him to make it a mess again by leaving his clothes all over the place, leaving his dirty plates and cups around and not putting rubbish in the bin when the bin was right underneath. I tell him I dont clean for him to make a mess and he went once I work 40 hours a week (I only work 22.5 hours as I look after our son) then he'll actually be tidy. I'm at the end of my tether with him. I'm trying not to talk to him at the moment as I will snap.

Hes even saying now I'm not giving him no love (i.e massaging him cuddling him) but he was the one who came home from work, ignored me and his son went straight on his phone and put a film on. I got zero attention yet he wants all mine.

OP posts:
TurnipCake · 14/05/2017 20:31

I wouldn't be giving the lazy arsehole a massage either

ohfourfoxache · 14/05/2017 20:31

Why the fuck are you with this utter man child?

ChickenBhuna · 14/05/2017 20:37

His behaviour is disrespectful.

Justmadeperfectflapjacks · 14/05/2017 20:39

Remember marrying him won't change him. . .

AnyFucker · 14/05/2017 20:39

Don't be a mug. What are you...the maid ?

Fuck him off.

ZilphasHatpin · 14/05/2017 20:41

If you always do what you've always done, you'll always get what you've always gotten.

You need to change what you're doing if you expect anything to change.

Jtaylor143 · 14/05/2017 20:43

I'm in the same position, they think they can speak to you like a piece of shit and then moan they don't get any affection. How long has this been going on for?

AnyFucker · 14/05/2017 20:45

Well, they can can't they ?

expatinscotland · 14/05/2017 20:50

Stop being such a mug. Fuck him off. Can't imagine treating someone like this.

Jtaylor143 · 14/05/2017 20:50

Yes they can, and any fucker can just easily say 'fuck him off' Grin

Reachingout1 · 14/05/2017 20:51

Totally feel for you!
I'm in a similar position! Walking on egg shells!
It's no way to live. You know the right thing to do, and that's not always the easiest or what you want but that's life!
Hope you get this sorted. And take no shit! X

Original poster
Whatagirltodo123 · 14/05/2017 21:08

I tell him enough times that I wont do it. I leave his mess (clean up mine and my son's) and he then shouts at me that much my son cries and he threatens to leave me with our son if I dont clean it. He tells me I'll have no chance in court for full custody or even 50:50 as I have money problems

OP posts:
DirtyChaiLatte · 14/05/2017 21:09

He moans the house is a mess so I tidy it up

Why the hell would you go and do that??

If my DH said that to me, I'd point out that he knows where the hoover is, where the sink is, where the bleach is etc.....

ohfourfoxache · 14/05/2017 21:10

He's abusive and is talking shit.

Don't clean up after him and get him to pack his bags.

expatinscotland · 14/05/2017 21:12

Oh, and I'd go back to work FT. It's never a good idea to jack in FT work to look after kids when you're not married unless you're independently wealthy. SO many women do this and then wind up with a dickhead like this.

expatinscotland · 14/05/2017 21:15

'he then shouts at me that much my son cries and he threatens to leave me with our son if I dont clean it. He tells me I'll have no chance in court for full custody or even 50:50 as I have money problems'

He's full of shit! 'Shout all you like! I'm not doing it.' 'I'll leave.' 'There's the door'.

If he paid a housekeeper and nanny they wouldn't be expected to massage him or shag him, either, the fucking wanker.

Wolfiefan · 14/05/2017 21:15

So he's abusive.
FFS don't marry a man who shouts at you and threatens you.

AyeAmarok · 14/05/2017 21:15

He tells me I'll have no chance in court for full custody or even 50:50 as I have money problems

He's probably wrong. Most very likely wrong. Can't think of any money problems that would affect custody of your DC.

Are you going to stay and let yourself be treated like shit? Are you going to let your son grow up with this as his role model of how to treat women generally, and you specifically?

Because you won't change him. So if you're going to stay, I don't think we can help you.

ohfourfoxache · 14/05/2017 21:16

Be careful. It sounds like he's the type who could become violent.

Original poster
Whatagirltodo123 · 14/05/2017 21:24

Before maternity I was earning more than him and worked more hours and he still didn't chip in (we moved in together when I was 30 weeks pregnant)

I really don't think I can stay with him much longer. Just because he was spoilt by his mum I'm not going to do the same. He's a grown man and apparently a dad when he acts like it.

OP posts:
anxiousandpregnant · 14/05/2017 21:31

If he thinks he would get custody of your son just because you don't earn enough than him then he's actually delusional!

This relationship doesn't sound like a happy one, he sounds more interested in his phone than you and his son.

Make a plan to leave/get him to leave. Get your family round as back up for when you ask him to go make sure you get his keys from him.

Want2beme · 14/05/2017 21:34

You work fulltime as well & more. Just call his bluff and tell him to go. Being with someone who has no respect for you is no way to live. Really, you don't have to live with a person who treats you so badly & ignores your DS.

Original poster
Whatagirltodo123 · 14/05/2017 21:37

I told him I look after him and our son and that's more than a full time job. I get u0 before him, even on my days off so his stuff is ready for when he goes to work yet I'm the nasty one.

OP posts:
scootinFun · 14/05/2017 21:37

Holy moly - absolutely call his bluff and leave. If you stay it's only going to get worse!

scootinFun · 14/05/2017 21:38

You get his stuff ready? Confused My young children get themselves ready. He really is living the good life!