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Original poster

Does this count as rape? Need some perspective please

75 replies

BeauxReves · 14/05/2017 08:55

I've name changed for this. Brand new relationship, you've made it very clear you don't want to have sex yet. Things start getting intimate. He confirms there will be no sex. Without any warning, without shifting his body weight or changing position in any way he suddenly swaps his fingers for his un condomed penis and starts having sex with you. Takes you a second or two to process what's happening because you have agreed no sex. You are horrified and start trying to get away from him and push him off you. He carties on for few seconds then stops. Is that rape? Is there any salvaging this relationship? Don't want to over react. Thank you

OP posts:
Smeaton · 14/05/2017 09:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PoorYorick · 14/05/2017 09:28

Of course it's rape. Get out of there.

BigGrannyPants · 14/05/2017 09:28

Yes this is rape. You made it clear you didn't want sex and he did it anyway, carries on even after you tried to push him off. Report it to the police. Even if the allegation doesn't go anywhere, it will hopefully make him think twice about ever doing this again. So so sorry OP I hope you are ok Flowers

DeleteOrDecay · 14/05/2017 09:28

He stopped when you made it clear you didn't want to.

He didn't stop though did he, he carried on. Yes only for a few seconds but he still carried on. He shouldn't have even gone there in the first place.

It was rape, I'm so sorry op. I would run a mile if I were youFlowers

Penfold007 · 14/05/2017 09:29

Yes that was rape. Are you safe and okay?

MrsMcMoo · 14/05/2017 09:34

Yes it's rape. Leave him and don't look back. He sounds dangerous.

MadameJosephine · 14/05/2017 09:34

He stopped when you made it clear you didn't want to

She had already made it clear she didn't want to! If somebody punched you in the face once but then stopped when they realised it was wrong would that be ok?

I'm so sorry OP that this has happened to you. I'd like to think that in your place I'd have the strength to go to the police but in the end you have to do what is best for you. Stay safe Flowers

Original poster
BeauxReves · 14/05/2017 09:35

Thank you for all the replies. Yes I am safe now thank you. Still trying to make sense of it.

If he had immediately stopped as soon as I first tried pushing him away would it still be rape? I'm sure I remember pushing him and trying to wriggle away from him for a couple of seconds at least before he stopped. But I was in total shock and disbelief.

OP posts:
Edsheeranalbumparty · 14/05/2017 09:37

He might have thought that in the throes of passion you were prepared to go further. He stopped when you made it clear you didn't want to. I would not say it was rape. You need to talk to him about it and assess whether you can trust him again.

What the actual fucking FUCK?

This post has made me so angry. It's 2017 and even when a woman has made it crystal clear that she doesn't want someone's penis inside her, he does it anyway and then some absolute fuckwit will come along and say 'i would not say it was rape'.

'Throes of Passion' my arse. What that guy thought is 'Im not getting anything out of this' and despite the fact that the last time they had talked about it, the OP had made it clear that his dick wasn't welcome in there yet, he put it in anyway.

Edsheeranalbumparty · 14/05/2017 09:38

I'm sorry this happened to you OP xxx

MrsDustyBusty · 14/05/2017 09:42

If he had immediately stopped as soon as I first tried pushing him away would it still be rape?

Yes. Other than an emergency, you do not put as much as a finger on another persons body without their consent to the manner and duration of that touching. Ever. You had made your limits clear. He has no business crossing your boundaries in that way.

Welk · 14/05/2017 09:42

Yes it is still rape, OP. He knew you did not want to have sex, he penetrated you with a penis without consent. That is rape.

Fireandflames666 · 14/05/2017 09:47

My ex partner did this, as well as having sex with me when he knew i wasn't even asleep. Part of why he is the ex.

BigGrannyPants · 14/05/2017 09:48

Please stay away from this man OP, tell someone you trust what has happened, don't do this on your own. Report him, please. He knew you didn't want to have sex and did it anyway and then carried on when you tried to push him off. I know this must be really hard to get to grips with Flowers

5gen · 14/05/2017 09:48

Look at the facts OP

● You made it absolutely clear NO sex
● He decided to go against that and have sex with you anyway
● He didn't immediately stop after you said no
● If you didn't think there was anything wrong you wouldn't have posted on MN for advice.

Dump this creep. Get out while you can.

PacificDogwod · 14/05/2017 09:48

You had agreed to sexual activity, but not to penetrative intercourse with a penis.

It is rape.
No dubiety about it, I'm afraid.

Original poster
BeauxReves · 14/05/2017 09:53

I think there is part of me that just wants to make it go away, make it into something else because that would be so much easier

OP posts:
MrsDustyBusty · 14/05/2017 09:55

Yeah, but will it be easier knowing that you can't ever feel safe? You haven't been seeing him long, you'll find someone decent.

BigGrannyPants · 14/05/2017 10:05

I get exactly why you would want to just forget it, dealing with it will be hard, but healthier and better for you in the long run Flowers

Lweji · 14/05/2017 10:19

Definitely, even if he had immediately stopped. He didn't ask you first and there was no doubt, even, that you didn't want it because you had told him.

Would you consider talking to Rape crisis? They could help you figure out what to do. rapecrisis.org.uk/
Freephone 0808 802 9999
12 noon - 2.30pm and 7 - 9.30pm every day of the year

Besides ending the "relationship". Regardless of whether you report him or not, there's no way this can ever be a relationship. He abused you.

Lweji · 14/05/2017 10:20

TrishanFlips

You need to stop accepting rape/raping people/spout such bullshit.

Anniegetyourgun · 14/05/2017 10:26

Is there any salvaging this relationship?
As you say it's a brand new relationship, there is nothing to salvage. You don't even know the guy yet, hence presumably why you didn't feel ready to have sex yet. Well, now you have Hmm, and you know rather more about him, i.e. his attitude to consent. This suggests that not only is there nothing to salvage, but why would you even want to?

WellThisIsShit · 14/05/2017 10:28

Yes it's rape. How horrible for you. It's such a selfish, selfish act. He leaves you trying to work out what happened and how to deal with all the emotional fall out of someone treating you this way... all because he wanted a few seconds in a vagina. Ugh. What a revolting sick specimen of humanity he turned out to be.

I'm so sorry, you sound quite shaken up. Brew

Orlandointhewilderness · 14/05/2017 10:31

Rape I'm afraid.

Original poster
BeauxReves · 14/05/2017 10:33

Yes I am very shaken up, but I think it's starting to sink in

OP posts:
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