I was a regular poster a few years ago but only re-joined today under a new name as I would really like some advice.
I am 39 and have been with my husband for nearly 12 years. We've had our ups and downs like many people but generally happy together and i love him very much.
Backstory: we dont have children and no plans too. Personally I would not want to start a family in my 40s anyway, though i appreciate many people do.
Years ago I desperately wanted children and this caused lots of problems as he was completely against it. But we resolved things best we could and moved on. We have a lovely life now and i am perfectly happy with the situation.
I have tried various hormonal contraceptives which havent agreed with me and my husband absolutely hates using condoms and this makes things quite awkward. Therefore we have discussed the possibility of having a vasectomy and this seems to be the most practical solution.
However, he has now booked an appointment to discuss the procedure with a private consultant. Now faced with the reality of the situation, part of me feels devastated and hurt. I cant really explain why but it just feels so final and part of me feels almost in shock. I know im being ridiculous because years ago i made a conscious decision to have no kids when I decided to stay in my marriage. I respect his choice and it is his body and he is 100% certain about it. But a part of me feels like he is making my choice too, even though that is silly.
So how do i get over this irrational feeling and hurt. I think this is a good sensible and practical solution to our problem so i really need tips to get over the feeling of grief im currently experiencing. Please be kind as i really want to offer my husband my full support and move on. Thank you