Manchild or is it me?

[Frustrationstations]

Warning : long and petty....
Hope somebody is awake, I have just walked home alone in the early hours crying from my supposed boyfriend's house. He doesn't live far away and no , I haven't been drinking.
I have had a hectic few months for various reasons. After spending much of the day with him (my day off, he's on leave).
I went home to do some chores and agreed to be at his for 8. We'd originally agreed to eat together, he was going to cook, v rare occurrence in our relationship and was a last minute arrangement.
He was annoyed that I couldn't get there before 8 as he was hungry. I have bad tummy due to meds side effects so said he should just sort out his own food and I'd come at 8 as planned. He went off in a huff.
A friend dropped by mine 7ish and I didn't get all my jobs done, plus my wifi went down so spent a lot of time trying to sort that too. One chore was a basic admin task and I spoke to him prior to me going and asked if I could complete it at his otherwise would be even later. He was amenable to this and said we could watch a film.
I got to his and he was decidedly offish with me and sat down on the other side of the room doing his hobby while I got on with my jobs.
He was not near the telly nor able to see it and left me with some crap channel 5 benefits show so I switched over to watch a thriller I've been enjoying. Tried to engage him in convo, no joy, struggled with my task so it took longer than planned, asked for help/advice, his advice was not good so I didn't take up his suggestion, he muttered about it having wasted the evening. Anyway, sorry, this is looooong...
I finished said chore, he disappeared for ages then came back said he needed bread and did I want to come, by now was about 10pm/1030 so I declined. While he was out I started getting ready for bed but waited up for him in pjs despite being knackered (long term health issues)
He returned, got his laptop out and sat away from me again, I moved in for a cuddle and he got irritated saying I choose my moments: he was now occupied and as I'd been 'effectively working all night' I can't just demand attention now that I'm free while he's now busy.
He said let's watch a show we both like then proceeded to work on his laptop , I ended up falling asleep on sofa so woke up and went to bed.
Woke up about 130 went in lounge to see him and he looked furious but of course denied it and said he was coming to bed. By 230 he still hadn't appeared, of course I was wide awake by now as knowing he was coming to bed couldn't get back to sleep. I have insomnia so by this time I was fully awake.
I sent him SMS as cba to get up again, just saying I missed him in bed.
He then arrived, did the huffing and puffing , got into bed and when I asked if he's ok just stared having a go at me for ruining his night.
Similar thing happened at the weekend but in reverse: I woke up early, he wasn't ready to wake up so I went downstairs to do chores (single mum, two kids, house a tip)
He then followed me downstairs so I said how about we watch a film while I do this one main job then I'll do the rest later. He agreed. I picked a film we both wanted for ages and then he complained he didn't want to waste his Saturday watching me do chores. We ended up having a huge row and he stormed off.
This is not the first or second time he's stripped like this when I've had stuff to do.
I took the day off on Monday to spend with him on his birthday which he said had been an amazing day and thanked me. I saw him tues night and he said yesterday he feels like he's hardly seen me.
God this is waffle I don't it?
Anyway the upshot being, I told him he was being self absorbed and childish and left his house crying .
Perhaps I should have stayed from a safety point of view but didn't want a huge row and didn't want his flat mate to hear it and I felt he was being unreasonable and illogical.
I'm fucking fuming that he didn't show any concern for my safety. I know I'm a grown woman and it's my responsibility not his but still...
I just don't know how to deal with his fragile ego, we have awesome sex, shared sense of humour etc a very loving relationship until I do anything that slights him or challenges his opinion.
I don't know how long I can put up with this, should I just ignore it and carry on doing my thing?
I don't know how to be. I have disabilities, huge house which I can't manage, long story but am financially trapped here, two small kids plus two jobs and he can be so empathic, kind and thoughtful but other times he's a mean cunt.
I'm not expert in relationships so I might be the one in the wrong.
I feel like I'm always managing his expectations as well as juggling everything else , I really don't know how to deal with this.
Help!!!

Thank you nabooyique I'm so confused, partly because he keeps telling me how brilliant he is and that he's never ever had these problems in previous relationships.

I've gone from thinking you have different priorities to just thinking he's a knob from your last post. He is trying to make it your "fault". Don't let him.

So I've told him it's ended he contacted me as has lost some stuff and thought I had it, I haven't. I tried to be cool but we ended up by having a huge row about his feeling sidelined all the time and by my 'embellishing, lying and distorting all the facts' plus me 'forgetting All the good and kind things I've done for you' like I have never done anything fucking kind for him. Let him into mine and my children's lives, let him take priority over everything. He's said it's all my perception and I'm welcome to paint him in a bad light but he knows he's right and I'm wrong.
He literally rewrites history everytime we argue and then calls me a liar.
When my little children lie he always says' I wonder who they get that from' or jokes they are little 'embellishers just like their mum'
Seriously he can go screw himself. I'm so angry at both him and myself for letting him push and push. Now he's off for a night out as tho nothing ever happened while I'm sat at home stinking as been too tired and sedated to wash all day and now have to work as couldn't manage it this morning in my medicated state with intermittent wifi.
Sorry I'm waffling, I mean really I don't know what to do, I can't confuse in friends as they think I'm a twat for having had him back so many times. I'm completely alone, no family and I hate myself for putting all my eggs in his basket when his basket is too flimsy for his own eggs let alone mine

If you confide in your friends that you have got rid of him for good, as long as you have and you mean it this time, then they will be happy and relieved.

You trusted and loved a man who didnt deserve either of those things, thats a mistake that many of us have made.

Thanks pyong I'm really sad and don't know how to explain to my kids. I know I can't go back there again we've argued nearly every other day since getting back together a few weeks ago and I have sobbed so much at the complete disparity between our views on situations.
It has left me drained and empty. My kids really like him, my little boy even said he loves him, how do I make the break ok for them? I just remember my dad leaving and me wondering for years why he'd left me. Not knowing my mum had vanished him and refused him access I thought I'd done something wrong for him to not want to be in my life, I really don't want to hurt my babies 😪

*banished not vanished, she wasn't a magician !

Oh my days you poor thing, you must be shattered. Sounds like he's draining you physically and emotionally. My DP has children and I don't. I understand that means he is busy and they come first. The last thing you need is stress from him. He needs to give you some time off from him without being moody about it. If his moodiness means you spend every spare minute with him, and then he sulks when you bring jobs to do while with him that's just impossible. His sulking is childish and unreasonable and, by the sounds of it, the very last thing you need on top of your busy life.

Thanks JK I am completely shattered. I feel completely shredded. I also hate myself for giving in to him when I knew all along he was being controlling. I worked really hard to maintain boundaries and would keep coming up against these issues then he would do or say something to make me think he'd 'got it' and I'd get straight back into bed with him and the whole cycle started again.
I feel so sad and he's now messaging saying he's heartbroken that I don't like him etc etc and I'm just sitting eating crap which will make me feel even worse. My whole body aches like I have flu and I am tearful and surrounded by food packets 🙁

Feeling so low today and in so much pain physically. I don't know what to do for the best. My meds are so sedating but I have this day child free today. I have no strength or energy to do anything but also don't want to wallow in relationship sadness all day .

Hi lovely. Please call a friend to come over. You need some emotional support and it doesn't matter if they've heard it before. Ive spent years telling the same old woes to my friend and vice versa and we're still there for each other. Don't worry about your kids, you know that ultimately it's better for them not to have this type of person in their lives. Truthfully he wasn't really looking out for them because he was stopping you and making you feel guilty about doing the tasks that are necessary for their well being.

Reading the beginning of this post, I couldn't help but wonder if you're my daughter (you're not, are you?!).

So I will tell you, the exact same thing that I have told her - and will keep on telling her - "You are worth more, and you are worth better than this. Stop wasting your time on someone who doesn't appreciate you for you."

And I'll add into that what I told her yesterday, when her "boyfriend" kicked her out of his place several hours early, so that he could "go out", on their one year anniversary... " when someone tells you who they are, listen to them... and when someone behaves so badly because they don't want to end a relationship, so do shitty stuff like this in the hope that you'll do it for them, then they're not only a coward, but someone who deserves being dumped from a great height. Develop some dignity and self-respect, dump him, move on to better things and a bloke who will appreciate you!"

And if you are my daughter... just on the off chance... then listen to your mother!

Cricrichan I don't have anybody to ask really. My closest friend is moving house this weekend and is dealing with her ex just about to marry the ow and is stressed to the max. My other close friend doesn't do relationships and is so pragmatic it's hard to talk to her about any emotional stuff as I end up feeling hurt by her lack of warmth and then another friend who's becoming a close friend has also been dumped for an ow. She's been up since the early hours due to kids sleepover and is in prep for her first big night out tonight as a single woman. She's been urging me to get rid all along and also lacks any warmth so would just make me feel vulnerable at the mo. I'm in the garden with a book and some food.

contrary13 pretty sure I'm not your daughter! Wish I was though, never had supportive parental role models which I'm sure has a bearing on my current situation.
My mum was hugely promiscuous and had no discernment , the men in our lives as children were absolutely dire,real barrel scraping moments. Hope your daughter extricates herself and can move on relatively unscathed xx

Frustrations - how are you doing? Xx

Dear god woman; your physical and mental health will improve greatly as long as you stay away from this fruit loop; the man is a control freak and a spoilt little brat; he has zero understanding for your children's requirements and also doesn't even give a stuff about what you want; it's all about him; it must be exhausting.

It's not normal OP; please don't go back to him he will just manipulate you further.

Cricrichan thanks I'm doing ok ta, still lonely and struggling.
Adora10 thank you. You are so right. He didn't give a stuff about me .