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Odd or perfectly normal?

37 replies

user1493759849 · 09/05/2017 18:26

Basically, a woman I know at work told me today that even though she has known her husband 11 years and been married for 6, her parents and his have only met once. At the wedding. And even then they only spoke for a minute. Since the wedding 6 years ago, their parents have not seen each other again (Both set of parents are in their 60's, no facebook or twitter etc.) They literally do not know each other. My friend has met her husband's brother a number of times (and his wife and child,) and he has met hers. They meet maybe 3-6 times a year. But both sets of parents have met once in 11 years. At the wedding! They live just 15 miles apart! Confused

Another colleague of mine chipped and said she married her husband in 1993, after 7 years together, and their 2 sets of parents didn't know each other either. They met once during the 7 years before the wedding, then at the wedding, and once 2 years after at the first child's Christening. But then her husband's parents died close together, 3 years after they got married, and so the chance to meet again was gone then anyway. They also lived fairly closeby (the town next door - 20 miles away.)

So...... is it weird for the 2 sets of parents of a couple to have virtually nothing to do with each other? Or is it fairly common? What experiences do people here have? Do your parents have much to do with your partner's parents? And also, do they live close to one another?

Obviously if the 2 sets of parents are in different countries, then it wouldn't be unheard of for them to not have much to do with each other. But the parents of my colleague's (the one in my first paragraph,) and her husband's parents, only live 20 minutes drive from one another. Yet they have met once in 11 years! (My friend has no kids so there have been no Christening or childrens parties etc.)

OP posts:
category12 · 09/05/2017 18:36

Probably be different if they had kids?

sonlypuppyfat · 09/05/2017 18:37

A little odd but my parents had nothing to do with my in laws and neither would I given the chance Grin

Hidingtonothing · 09/05/2017 18:40

My parents have never met my inlaws, we sneaked off and got married just us and two witnesses so neither were at our wedding. We don't really do family parties either so there really hasn't been any need/opportunity for them to meet. IL's moved 200 miles away when we'd been together a couple of years so I suppose that's contributed but I can't honestly think of any instances where they'd have been brought together even if IL's were still local and me and DH have been together 15 years. I don't think it's that unusual and it doesn't bother either of us that they've never met tbh.

user1493759849 · 09/05/2017 18:48

I see thanks Smile Not hugely weird then. Grin

OP posts:
Playmobilpeacock · 09/05/2017 18:49

My DF has never met my in-laws.

I've been with DH for 8 years and we married abroad so not all parents came.

I can't imagine any situation where I would want them to meet.

DisneyDonna · 09/05/2017 18:52

My Parents and My In laws never met despite only living 2 miles apart for 7 years. When my parents commented about them I'd say they are not worth meeting. My Parents have now sadly passed away. We haven't spoke to my In laws for 12 years and they have never met my children.

Maybe things would have been different if my DH was close to his family but he has never been and they are not particularly nice people.

Whathaveilost · 09/05/2017 18:53

My parents met my MIL once and that was at the wedding. She has since died but she was a nice woman.

Pleasemrstweedie · 09/05/2017 18:56

We met DSIL's parents once, at his and Dd's wedding five years ago. They don't like DD one little bit and wasted no time in telling us so. I doubt we'll see them again.

ASqueakingInTheShrubbery · 09/05/2017 18:57

My parents and in-laws see each other at family events, Christmas if we host, DD's birthday and so on. Mum and MIL phone each other if they want to swap days they're looking after DD. They exchange Christmas and birthday cards. They get on well when they see each other but they don't socialise together outside of events that include us.

AConvivialHost · 09/05/2017 18:57

My DH and I have been married for 14 years and our parents have never met/spoke (we eloped) - despite all living within 45 mins of us. We have two children but never have full family birthday parties - we celebrate with one side of the family and the other. It would seem strange to me to have everyone together - I'd feel worried about someone feeling ignored/left out.

bear28 · 09/05/2017 18:57

I find it odd. I have been with my partner for 3 years and see my OH's family atleast once a month, even at the times he's working away 3 months at a time. Same goes for him with my parents and they have all met a few times. this year we are doing christmas dinner for everyone so will be the first booze up with all our family around us, time will tell how we get on but i doubt there will be any issues. I suppose a big bit of distance does change it quite a bit.

LedaP · 09/05/2017 19:02

I dont think its odd.

My pils have spent time with my parents. But usually onky at something I or DH have organised. Dhs birthday etc. We are very close to my parents so they would want to celebrate dhs birthday and pil obviously want to come. If we weren't into organising group stuff they wouldnt have spent time together.

i dont think its odd to have not spent time together.

Forgettheworld · 09/05/2017 19:06

I think it's weird. My DP parents and my parents see each other regularly and
luckily get on. Obviously only if me and DP are there they wouldn't meet without us. My DM would be too nosey to never meet them.

TheRadiantAerynSun · 09/05/2017 19:17

I've been with DH nearly 22yrs and our parents have met only a handful of times and then not for long.

They're very different people and his parents are old enough to be my parent's parents Grin

There's more interaction between my family and DH's siblings, mainly due to our house being the centre for waifs and strays at Christmas.

AlletrixLeStrange · 09/05/2017 19:17

Mine and DF's parents have never met, they will at the wedding but I can't imagine a world they'll meet again after that (maybe baby's christening if we do that? Or birthday parties? I don't know, can't imagine it)

Thinking about it I don't think I've ever seen both of my grandmas in the same room except my parents anniversary party

BrieAndChilli · 09/05/2017 19:28

I think it depends on a couple of things

  • how close the parents live to each other and the couple in question
  • how close you are as a family.

My dad lives in Germany and since I was 18 I have seen him probably 4-5 times. He came to my wedding.
My mum lives 2 hours away and also can go wedding we are now NC so haven't seen her in 5 years.

FIL loves 15 minutes away although spends a lot of time abroad. He was also at our wedding and we see him a lot
MIL loves a couple of hours away and we see her a few times a year, again she was at our wedding

My sister has met my in-laws lots of times and even came to where MIL lives for DS2s 1st birthday.
SIL went to uni in the city where my sister lives so again my sister has mixed with in-laws a few time down there

CocoLoco87 · 09/05/2017 20:14

Our parents were friends before me and DH got together and our mums are definitely closer since GC came along.

Barbaro · 09/05/2017 20:18

I thought that was normal to be honest. My grandparents only met each other once as far as I know at my parents wedding.

BrickInTheWall · 09/05/2017 20:21

I have been with DH for 8 years and my DF and his parents have met a few times.
My DF lives abroad but when he comes to visit, the inlays sometimes ask us all over for dinner. Or if my DF is costing us for Christmas they see him when they come to bring our DC presents.
I always find it quite funny if the inlaws invite us over for dinner when my DF is here.. We never get invited otherwise and they live 15minutes up the road.
DF is aware that our relationship with inlaws is not great and they are not my biggest fan so when we are all together it is quite stilted and polite and very very fake Grin

myusernameisnotmyusername · 09/05/2017 20:34

Interesting responses. My in laws can't stand the sight of each other and haven't spoken in about 18 years. My fil has met my mum and dad a couple of times but my parents have never met mil. They just have never had a reason to meet up and wouldn't really have a lot in common anyway.

TheGirlOnTheLanding · 09/05/2017 20:36

Pretty normal, I'd say. We introduced our parents to one another when we got engaged and there were a couple of dinners with both sets but they didn't really click, and our house isn't big enough for huge get togethers so we tend to see one set then the other at Christmas etc. It's easier than worrying about how they're getting on. My own grandparents never socialised with the 'other side' to the best of my knowledge. I can see if everyone is in the same village/town it might be different but we'd have to actively choose to bring them together.

shewhoshall · 09/05/2017 20:43

10 years together and my parents have never met my partners mum or dad. They're totally different people, no idea what they'd talk about if they did meet.

Trills · 09/05/2017 20:45

Not unusual for the sets of parents to not meet each other.

What occasion would there be for them to do so, other than a wedding or something to do with a mutual grandchild?

shineon · 09/05/2017 21:09

Not unusual at all. Been with husband nearly 20 yrs and both sets of parents have met maybe twice.

Lovelilies · 09/05/2017 21:14

Crikey, I find that so weird!
I really didn't like my ex outlaws, but they met my mum loads of times in 4 years we were together.

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