Odd or perfectly normal?

[user1493759849]

Basically, a woman I know at work told me today that even though she has known her husband 11 years and been married for 6, her parents and his have only met once. At the wedding. And even then they only spoke for a minute. Since the wedding 6 years ago, their parents have not seen each other again (Both set of parents are in their 60's, no facebook or twitter etc.) They literally do not know each other. My friend has met her husband's brother a number of times (and his wife and child,) and he has met hers. They meet maybe 3-6 times a year. But both sets of parents have met once in 11 years. At the wedding! They live just 15 miles apart!

Another colleague of mine chipped and said she married her husband in 1993, after 7 years together, and their 2 sets of parents didn't know each other either. They met once during the 7 years before the wedding, then at the wedding, and once 2 years after at the first child's Christening. But then her husband's parents died close together, 3 years after they got married, and so the chance to meet again was gone then anyway. They also lived fairly closeby (the town next door - 20 miles away.)

So...... is it weird for the 2 sets of parents of a couple to have virtually nothing to do with each other? Or is it fairly common? What experiences do people here have? Do your parents have much to do with your partner's parents? And also, do they live close to one another?

Obviously if the 2 sets of parents are in different countries, then it wouldn't be unheard of for them to not have much to do with each other. But the parents of my colleague's (the one in my first paragraph,) and her husband's parents, only live 20 minutes drive from one another. Yet they have met once in 11 years! (My friend has no kids so there have been no Christening or childrens parties etc.)

Normal. My in laws and my parent have met three times . One wedding, two babies.

Why would they meet up regularly? In what scenario? I can't fathom one. They didn't know each other when dh and I met. They don't know each other now. They could pass on the street and say hello I suppose.

Been with DH 17 yrs. married 14. Parents met once. Now 2 are dead

They live 6 hrs from each other though and DH family very disjointed. However I suspect that even if they lived next door to each other my mum would find a reason not to like them

MIL is great though

My mum is widowed and she and my in laws get on well. M-I-L rings her sometimes and if they're in the area they'll pop into mum for a cuppa.

I think it's lovely as my mum is quite lonely since my dad passed and although M-I-L can be a bit much at times (in a nice way, just talks and talks without drawing breath) I appreciate her making the effort.

M-I-L tried to make the effort with my S-I-L parents though and they didn't want to know.

Been together 16 years and parents have probably met 4 or so times. I'm sure that will go up now we have a baby! But there has never been a massive need or urge to meet.

My grandparents however, used to go on holidays together. They also regularly fell out which caused the most amazing family issues! My maternal grandfather and paternal grandma had a love/hate relationship and it was almost a game between them, culminating in my maternal granny to have a stroke on one holiday. I have no inclination for history to repeat itself and imagine that our parents will meet rarely!!

My parents and inlaws only met at my wedding. That was 20+years ago. I'm from the other side of the country to my DH so theres no reason for our parents to ever meet. Plus my DM is a pain in the ass and would take every opportunity to put down my in laws so definitely worth keeping them as far apart as possible.

I think it's a bit odd these days, unless there's a good reason why (distance, illness etc). My PILs have met my mum many times if I've hosted and will occasionally arrange to go for lunch together, although they aren't hugely close. I'd say they are friendly rather than good friends, if that makes sense,.

After we got engaged, my parents invited his round for dinner with me and H and then his reciprocated. While it was all very polite and civilised, it was clear that they were miles away from each other socially and were not going to be great friends.

The first Christmas after we got married, we invited them all round to ours a few days after Christmas plus siblings from both sides with partners and children. It wasn't great. Everyone behaved themselves (apart from his sister!) but the very different attitudes, lifestyles and parenting styles were glaring.

After that we didn't bother trying to get them together apart from major family events like Christenings. They are civil, exchange Christmas cards, enquire after each other, but they are just too different to be comfortable with each other.

Ours rarely meet. I think they met once before our wedding, though I can't remember when/where, the wedding, a christening ..... that's about it I think.

They're different people with their own lives. All they have in common is us and the children, so apart from important events for us and the children (wedding, christening ..,, ) I can't imagine when they'd meet.

My parents and DH's parents (all passed now,) rarely met to be honest, despite only living 6 miles apart.. They met about half a dozen times. Mostly at family things (Weddings/ Christenings etc.) They didn't 'not' get on, it was like many people have mentioned on here; they just didn't have any reason to get together as they didn't know each other.

The women were SAHM's and couldn't drive, so 6 miles away, may as well have been 36 miles. And the men worked full time and would just meet the neighbours at the pub a few times a week. None of the parents ever socialised (with each other,) or had any desire to.

Me and DH however, have had a bit more contact with our (young adult) children's partners parents. Our children have left home now but when they started dating, none of them (children OR their partners) could drive. So we would give them lifts, and their partners parents would sometimes too, so we would occasionally say hello and chat for a few minutes, when we dropped the kids off.

The adult children can all drive now, but we still see the other parents maybe once every 6 weeks or so for a few minutes. They live only a few miles away, and we occasionally see them in the big shopping centre, and stop and pass the time of day for a few minutes (like you would with a neighbour.)

I think it's probably a bit more unusual now for people to not meet or have any contact with their (adult) child's partner's parents, as people communicate more via social media, women work more, and women drive more, and 6 miles away is nothing these days. But I guess it still happens.

Our kids say they would find it very weird if we didn't have any communication with their partner's parents. That said, although we see them maybe once every 6 weeks, and pass the time of day for 5 minutes, I don't particularly want to socialise with them. One of the mums of one of our adult child's partner's, has said recently 'your parents will have to come for a meal sometime.'

I'd rather not to be honest. She means well, and she is a nice lady, but I don't want to socialise - and neither does DH. He said 'they are pleasant people, but make any excuse you can to not go.' Sounds awful, but we just don't want to.

My daughter has just finished her two year relationship- first boyfriend. She is 19. We never met his parents but that felt odd. Just never got arranged. We didn't want to meet them in a ' let's arrange the wedding ' type thing but just to put feelers out and know them as acquaintances. So for me it withdrew be really odd not to meet them a few times if my daughter was actually to marry.
My parents and in laws have met five or six times over the years...wedding, birth of first child, christening and that's it and they never phoned each other. It's bare minimal, they wouldn't be friends in real life but still have a connection.

I don't find it odd at all. My parents and OH's parents only met at our wedding - we had only been going out together for 5 months though. My parents weren't keen on OH's parents and so weren't keen to meet again. That was 37 years ago

His parents did used to ring mine for a while and did suggest meeting up but my parents would always make an excuse. They didn't live near each other and my parents don't drive.