Taking pictures of me while I sleep?

[5gen]

If my suspicious are right, this is so messed up.

I think my OH is taking pictures/videos of me when I sleep.

This is such a.long complicated story, but he's quite sexually aggressive and has a really high sex drive (wants it before work, when he gets home and before we go to sleep every day, we have young children) and due to health complications my sex drive has gone down to once a week (maybe a bit less even) but a lot of the time if I'm not in the mood he'll excuse himself to the bathroom with his phone (I really don't care if he watches porn) or he'll wait for me to fall asleep and 'relieve himself' in bed next to me (which I find weird).
But a couple of times (TMI!!!!) that has woken me up (its hard to sleep when he whole bed is shaking) so I just pretend to stay asleep. But then he'll move the covers really slowly, and I can see the flash on his phone is on around my 'downstairs area'.
And hes really private with his phone he won't let me on it (saw another post about a husband who has his phone locked and it was like reading about my own OH!)

I did manage to sneak a peek at his phone about a week ago but couldn't find any pictures or videos. Which makes me think he's got them in a hidden file? I've sent him a couple of 'racy pics' in the past so surely they'd be on his phone still somewhere but I couldn't find them.

I feel betrayed and I don't know what to do or if I'm even right but my gut feeling is that he is doing this. AIBU to freak out so much?

Why do you pretend to be asleep? Sit up and ask him what the fuck he thinks he's doing?

This is sexual abuse.
You are being sexually abused by your partner and the father of your children.
I suggest you call Women's Aid for some support and advice.

I was kind of stunned... I'm a bit of a wimp when it comes to confrontation. I wish I had though.

Are you sure he's not just looking at you? To help him out? So to speak?

You know he's taking photos - you've seen the flash. So why aren't you saying anything?
You mentioned he's sexually aggressive and I think you need leave him.

I'm another wondering why you pretend to be alseep?! Next time he does it, speak up and ask him what the hell he's doing.

Baby I'm pretty sure. I thought maybe that's what he was doing but then I saw the flash..

Sheldons
Victims of sexual assault are often too shocked and/or afraid to react.

Baby
The OP said she saw him pointing his phone, with flash, towards her genitals - that's very clearly not "just looking" is it?! And even if he was "just looking", in her sleep without her consent, that's not ok.

This really doesn't make it better, but maybe he is using his phone light as a torch to look at you rather than film you.

Both are gross, and you need to talk to him about it.

I think a lot of women in my position would have done the same. We think we'd sit up and say no or confront him but in the moment you're so like, what the fuck is happening that at the time it seemed easier to pretend to be asleep and not have to deal with it. Maybe that makes me weak, but that's what I did.

You're not happy with this. Let alone not given him consent to do this. You know it's not going to get any better, if anything I bet that his sexually aggressive will escalate.

You're not weak, OP. I'm sorry some of the idiots people replying have made you feel that you have to justify yourself. You don't.

Less of the victim blaming FFS, people!

Whatever is happening you are uncomfortable with it (quite understandably). So you need to tell him so, and while you are at it ask him why he felt the right to do this without your consent.

*sexually aggressive behaviour

How about listen you dirty bas , give it a rest. I would be horrified. I am gobsmacked what others put up with (especially a lot of younger women these days) and Im no prude.

What does "quite sexually aggressive" mean for you - has he made you do things you don't want to? He sounds worrying and not very nice. It's totally normal in a situation like this to freeze/pretend to be asleep btw - don't feel you have to justify that. But do you feel afraid of him?

Can you have a talk to him about it all at a different time, when it's not happening, and explain it's not on? Or if you are scared of him, Women's Aid is a good idea.

Sorry you're having to deal with this.

Sorry this has happened to you 5gen.

I completely understand why you froze in the moment rather than confronting him. It's so easy to say you should have said something at the time but when something abusive like this occurs you go into shock. It's so far from reality that you can't actually react to it. It's almost like a weird dream and it's only afterwards that you're able to try and process what happened.

I'm sorry to say this, but what he did was sexual assault. I would agree with another poster who recommended ringing Woman's Aid for advice. They were invaluable for me when I was going through a very bad situation with the ex.

Stay strong 💐

Why pretend to be a sleep.. I'd be sitting straight up and asking him what the fuck he is doing. He sounds like a creepy pervert tbh . I also wud tell him to do it elsewhere when I was in the bed unless we were both into it ! He sounds extremely creepy

I don't sleep well at all anymore. I get a really good hour between the time he gets up to get ready for work and the kids waking up.
But I've noticed that I stay in the same position at night and I'm so stiff when I wake up, like my body has been clenched all night. I know because my jaw aches from being clenched all night.
And hes told me that whenever he tries to cuddle me at night I push him away quite forcefully. I flinch every time he touches me in bed when I'm not expecting it.

I don't think I'm afraid of him. Maybe I'm afraid of what he could do?

I'm really worried about these images though. If they are on his phone how on earth am I going to delete them?

Grow a backbone? Great advice joanne thanks.

Your update is quite telling. You do not like him. You do not trust him. Please do yourself a favour and leave him.

He has sexually abused you to the point where you are uncomfortable in your own bed.
Sorry, I don't think there's any way back from this and you should involve the police..
You have no control over what he might have done with those pictures.

I just think this could get worse if you leave it much longer!

OK maybe harsh words but please stand up for yourself op, you deserve so much more!

Search this board. There are quite a lot of similar stories.
There are a few websites dedicated to this fucking weird disgusting behaviour, he may have uploaded the pics to one or more of them. He would know they're safer there than on his own device.