Fiancée has been on adultwork

[Tinkerbell1989]

Hi everyone,
I have read a lot of similar posts on here and was hoping someone could offer some advice - especially from previous posters in a similar situation.

I have been with my partner for 8 years, the other weekend I was innocently going through emails looking for flights and came across some adult work purchases - I asked him about it. After along evening of tears and asking him to leave it turns out he was frequently asking to meet people (often 10 at a time). He said it was almost like his porn - he would send them out and get off to it when he got a reply. He also said he had been buying private gallery pictures. He agreed he thought had a problem and suggested he should go to counselling which is now booked and he is waiting to attend. He offered to get rid of anything I wanted him to - I explained this wouldn't make it better.
I'm now in limbo of seeing what I want to do- we are due to get married next year. I just feel so unsure and tbh it's really knocked my confidence! I have checked all our accounts and there has been no suspicious withdrawals or anything of that nature. Since this incident he has made an effort to reassure me etc but I've made it clear I am still not happy with the situation or sure about the relationship.

I think what I am asking for is just some perspective on the situation / experience of anyone who has been in this situation.

Thanks
.

walk away
no kids, no marriage, why would you.want to plan a future with him?
you wont regret it later

Run as fast and as far away as you can.

This is what is going through his brain. These are his thoughts. He's a pervy fucker.

My ex husband tried to say he'd arranged meetings and then not turned up. It's not possible as you'd then get blocked.

What are your values OP?

This is the most important thing of all. Do they ally with his? Doesn't sound like it.

I think he sounds pervy at the very least. Some/lots of women don't mind this. It would creep me out bigtime. Does it creep you out?

Thats the only question you need to answer.

If it does (and who could blame you) don't look back.

I found out my husband was doing the same on adult friend finder, plus having an online relationship with a sex worker in Asia and sending her monthly money. I had 3 kids in tow. What he said was everything, never was and I am finally divorcing him. Don't do what I did and believe a load of bollocks for years and then wake up to the stark and simple truth: when this is happening, you and the relationship is not valued. I rarely say it but LTB.

Yuk. Bin him. He sounds horrible.

I just don't think I could trust him and feel comfortable again. You know he fantasises about sex workers, to the extent he has contacted them. This will always be in the back of your mind. Would you be ok with him going away on stag weekends and business trips? Because life must go on and you won't forget.

What he has done is:

Demoralising to you, because you will never feel like you are enough for him if he needs to seek thrills elsewhere.
Demoralising to women who are often enslaved into the sex industry through drugs, child abuse, grooming, violence and unmet mental health needs. While there are some women working independently and of free choice, many come from awful backgrounds. Customers using their services are just perpetuating a cycle of abuse and neglect that these women have encountered throughout their lives.
Objectifying women by looking at them like pieces of meat to be used as a commodity for sexual pleasure.

If you marry him, you will be drawing yourself into a relationship already tainted with mistrust, lack of ethics and no integrity on his part, as well as signs that he will use joint income for his personal pleasures...run now before this man destroys your life. I would also strongly advise an STD check because if he has seen any of these women then you cannot be assured of your health.

Do yourself a favour and end things with him. Life is too short for this crap. Find someone you can trust.

I would dump.

I ended my marriage for similar/less.

And then, like so many others, I discovered there was more.

Thanks everyone for your advice I left him and there was more! X

Well done you

Well done on making the right decision and helping others to do the same

Well done, OP.

Well done. You've saved yourself a lot of grief.

Thanks for all the comments! I just know when I was reading through stuff I wondered how people had got on! So thought I'd share! X

Good for you x

Well done. It must have been hard reading the comments at the time.

Wishing you a fabulous future with someone who deserves you. Xx

Kudos to you op, so many women on here seem to put up with shitty partners terrified of being without a 'man', you sound like a strong capable and inspirational lady

Full of lots of empowering women on here! It's hard when people tell you things you know deep down are true but sometimes you need to hear it! Thanks again everyone 😘Xxxx

It pisses me off when someone fails to turn up for a meeting with me in my work, I can't imagine how demoralising it must be for these women (who obviously are in such dire need of money that they do this work) only to get all dolled up, thinking they had some money coming in and then him not show up.

So even if he were telling the truth he's still a shit.

I'm not surprised there was more it's rarely 'just' enquiringly.

Dirty little creep, you are well rid, and of course he met them.