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Original poster

Just found out something...

36 replies

strawberrymango · 06/05/2017 09:21

So I've been seeing my new boyf for 3 months and he's just told me last night he used to take a class a drug
He said it was something he used to do years and years ago but doesn't do now.....
When I asked when the last time was ( thinking he would say years) he said 9months ago when he hit a low point
He said he wouldn't touch it now, regretted it and I did say drugs for me are a deal breaker.
Thing is some of his friends still do it.
Me ex was exactly the same - used to do it and then stopped and still had friends who did it
So was I wrong to feel uncomfortable? Obviously everyone has a past and I appreciate that. Just my experience people on them isn't something I want around me or my lo.

OP posts:
ThePinkOcelot · 06/05/2017 09:27

9 months isn't ages is it? Is he going to take them again whenever he hits a low point? His friends still do it too!
Deal breaker for me I think.

MrsJamesMathews · 06/05/2017 09:29

Ok, history of taking drugs during a mid-spent youth is one thing.

Taking drugs recently as a coping mechanism during a low point - oh no, very bad news.

You have a child - big no-no.

Call it a day OP.

MrsJamesMathews · 06/05/2017 09:30

Mis-spent youth

Original poster
strawberrymango · 06/05/2017 09:35

EXACTLY what I was thinking guys.
I just wanted to ask incase I was over reacting.
Yeah I totally get in his younger days he might have done but he's 37 now and 9 months ago isn't that long at all I agree.
We had a lengthy conversation last night where he was nothing but reassuring and he said he could tell I was a bit quiet ( couldn't help it ) I said he hadn't done anything wrong but I was honest and said the thing that worry me is that when he hits another low point, what ever that maybe he could be tempted again
But that's when he said he wouldn't...
I guess he didn't have to tell me? And it is in his past....but yes i have lo to protect xx

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 06/05/2017 09:36

He is still a drug user

It isn't in his past at all

SailAwaySailAwaySailAway · 06/05/2017 09:38

He's also minimising. Deal breaker.

Pestilentialone · 06/05/2017 09:38

If it was heroin run.
If it was something else walk.

flumpybear · 06/05/2017 09:39

I wouldn't be keen - does he mix in circles if people who take drugs?

Original poster
strawberrymango · 06/05/2017 09:39

Thing is since we've been seeing each other, he's been trying to get his best mate off it?! They've fallen out over it as this friend is going off the rails and when he has spent time with the friend and the friend does drugs, my boyf goes mental at him? So IF he was still taking them, he wouldn't be acting like it
When the boys go around to his flat, he said they know they aren't even allowed to bring it so they don't as he said he won't have it at his flat
But if and when he is out he obviously can't stop them
He says they know he doesn't do it anymore as he did it in his 20's

OP posts:
MrsJamesMathews · 06/05/2017 09:40

9 months isn't his past.

37 isn't young.

By now he should have developed the emotional intelligence to be able to cope with his moods without the need for drugs. But he hasn't.

He will most likely use again. And next time probabaly lie. You need to decide if you're prepared to go down that path.

Original poster
strawberrymango · 06/05/2017 09:42

Well they are friends from school
He used to do drugs with them which he stopped in his mid 20's
A few of them still do, some don't, some, some smoke green (which he says he doesn't as used to make him paranoid or tired ) as I also asked that

Cocaine.....

OP posts:
MrsJamesMathews · 06/05/2017 09:44

But he didn't stop, did he? You said he used 9 months ago. Because of a low point.

AnyFucker · 06/05/2017 09:47

But he does "do it"

He did it a matter of a few months ago (and that is the once you know about)

magoria · 06/05/2017 09:48

Mid 20s was over 10 years ago if he is 37.

It doesn't add up with 9 months ago.

If you go through a rough patch you don't know what he may use as a crutch.

Get out while you are only a few months invested.

Original poster
strawberrymango · 06/05/2017 09:50

Magoria

He told me he used to do it ( regular user ) in his 20's then stopped

Then 9 months ago he used as a ONE OFF then at 35yrs and hasn't touched it since just to confirm

Yes I know that's what I'm worried about, him turning to it again

OP posts:
ijustwannadance · 06/05/2017 09:53

He's 37 ffs. Get rid. If he couldn't get to this age without class A drugs being a constant for when he's low then I doubt he could just stop overnight.

offside · 06/05/2017 09:55

I think I have a different opinion on this. I am absolutely against all drugs, bad experiences with family members and can't stand them.

I met my DP 6 years ago, at which point he used to do a class a drug socially, although I didn't know until a few months later and I was livid. Laid some ground rules, as in you do it again and I'm off.

I can say 6 years on, getting married, and a DD he never has done it again. His friends still do it, he very rarely socialises with those friends anymore and that is part of the reason as they haven't grown up and he has.

I say it depends how you feel about him now and whether you believe him.

ferriswheel · 06/05/2017 09:56

He's told you he's a class A drug user. That's it. That's him. In ten years he'll be a forty year old class A drug user. Run. Run away. Fast.

Chuckle17 · 06/05/2017 09:59

Walk away. Or else you end up like me with a husband who obviously still does drugs occasionally but lies through his teeth that he doesn't.

Original poster
strawberrymango · 06/05/2017 10:00

Offside it's not as though I want more people to tell me things like you have
I just want an honest view

Like you, I do believe my boyf
It gives people a bad name who do want to not take them. Why would he have been spending all this time trying to get his mate off them who's going down hill? I've said now he has met me and my lo who are dead against them he has focus and if we are going to have any sort of future then surely he should be given a chance ?

I have since called talk to frank and he had a complete different spin
Saying he has been open and honest with me when in fact he didn't need to tell me anything
He said he should be commended for not using for 9 months and he disagreed that he is a ' user ' regardless of age and that I shouldn't bin him just because of this

Yes i agree he could lie to me
But so could anyone
So could my next new boyf who I meet after ' binning ' this one

I'm not sure what to do...obviously I don't feel great but I think binning someone over this maybe a bit extreme
Talk to frank said I should talk to him if I have concerns and not assume he is going to do something again if he has told me he isn't

The PP is proof of that xx

OP posts:
user1493035447 · 06/05/2017 10:07

Once a junkie always a junkie. Plenty of decent guys out there, this one isn't. Change your locks too.

troodiedoo · 06/05/2017 10:07

Saying he's not going to do it again is idiotic. If he's got measures in place to prevent him having a low point and coping with it by not using then that's a bit of hope.

But generally ex users cut contact with the people they used to take drugs with. It's the only way.

Bluntness100 · 06/05/2017 10:10

Well he is some one who the use of recreational class a drugs are acceptable to. Nine months ago is not really long enough to have an ephinay and I'd personally be concerned that he is only admitting to the tip of the iceberg. Only you can get a gut instinct for that,

Some folks are able to use drugs as something that is nothing more than recreational and walk away from it and have no moral hang ups about it. Others don't get away so lightly.

For me though my two concerns would be his acceptance of drug use and the fact it may be much more recent and a larger part of his life than he his choosing to admit to uou. I suspect this is the case if he still hangs out with the others, that he's not just sitting there saying no thanks and then watching them all get high, he's getting high with them.

Mummyoflittledragon · 06/05/2017 10:12

If he took it as a one off and decided against using again, that's a good thing, surely? He took it in his 20's, decided it wasn't for him anymore as he got older then took some in a moment of weakness. If this is the true and genuine story and if he's a great guy in other ways, I'd make it known I'd end the relationship if there was any evidence of drug use. For now, I'd stay with him if he makes you happy.

Emboo19 · 06/05/2017 10:20

3 months in, if drugs are a big no,no for you I'd end things.

From what I've seen/heard coke use amongst the 30 + is pretty mainstream. My parents both dabbled in a lot of drugs in their younger years, my mum stopped completely when they had me. My dad still smokes occasionally and very occasionally (not even once a year) will do coke, I know he did on his stag do!

My main concern would be that he used it when he was feeling low. That would indicate a degree of reliance that I'd be unsure about.

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