Just found out something...

[strawberrymango]

So I've been seeing my new boyf for 3 months and he's just told me last night he used to take a class a drug
He said it was something he used to do years and years ago but doesn't do now.....
When I asked when the last time was ( thinking he would say years) he said 9months ago when he hit a low point
He said he wouldn't touch it now, regretted it and I did say drugs for me are a deal breaker.
Thing is some of his friends still do it.
Me ex was exactly the same - used to do it and then stopped and still had friends who did it
So was I wrong to feel uncomfortable? Obviously everyone has a past and I appreciate that. Just my experience people on them isn't something I want around me or my lo.

Hmm I just don't know
I need to have a think about it
I suspect too he has just told me half the story as he knows I'm dead against them
But then if he really did regret it then I don't want to end things on the basis that he's going to take them again when he said he wouldn't
I agree with the concerns taking them when he was low
Thanks for the advice

on the fence here - alot of factors to consider. At 37 he still socislises with drug users - what form does this socialisation take? Dinner parties? shared hobbies or drinking sessions? clubbing?

He doesn't sound like the settling down type.

Emboo

I've heard Coke use pretty mainstream as well where I live. Apparently it's the drug of choice of the middle classes and I've heard there are a fair few parents at dds school, who use. She is in primary.

What drug is it? They differ quite a lot. If it was Ecstasy I would be less concerned than if it was Heroin.

I'm baffled as to why people in their 30's use drugs like Cocaine

I mean, what do they do?
Different world to mine obviously

There's a massive difference between a junkie and someone who uses recreationally. I had a family member who was a junkie and his use was world's apart from social use. That's an unfair statement.

A junkie wouldn't tell you about it and would do anything in their power to hide it, and they would fail to hide it as it's absolutely obvious when someone is a junkie, the way they look, their behaviour, it's all affected by drug use.

A junkie wouldn't be able to hold down a stable professional job, socialise without use or hold down a stable relationship unless it was with someone from a similar elk.

OP you should give him the benefit of the doubt. Trust him, he hasn't lied to you and to those pp who say he probably hasn't told the whole truth are cynical, if you believe him go with it, if he is lying, you'll soon realise.

Everyone deserves a second chance and people can change. Maybe he's never had anyone in his life to give him an ultimatum before and you can only judge him on going forward.

I think he's preparing you... so when he does it again (visibly) you'll be more accepting.
I would advise against this relationship

Thanks to everyone and I do mean it! I've seen people who come on here ask stuff then don't take the advice which can be annoying! however offside I think you are absolutely right.

I don't get why people want to put drugs into their system either however I'm aware that someone who does it recreationally isn't a junkie at all.

And yes it is a deal breaker
He knows that, I've told him. So really it's his choice isn't it. If he hasn't told me the truth, it's him that will lose out on us in the long run so he will be lieing to himself too...something he tells me he wants, a future with us as things are going really well and he knows I'm so against drugs.
So time will tell
He has a fantastic job, earns decent money, he's a home owner which he built up all by himself, no ex partner he bought with...he has been honest about his drug past and as I've said he didn't really need to tell me anything IF he still took them.
The friends are school friends he's known for 22 years so I don't see them being an issue if he spends time with them. We are talking 2 friends out of the circle of 5. When he goes out it's more trips to the pub/watching football kind of thing and one night he left early as he was driving coz it was ' getting out of hand' he tells me when they go and do it the 2 friends come back over talk each other, shout, get loud and he's consistently told me this when he has spent time with them that he doesn't enjoy their company when they are high.
So I've known this from the start about his friends
( hence the shock when he told me last night he did it 9m who!)

Pnutter I doubt very much he is preparing me when he spent a lot of the phone conversation pursuading me that the night he took it he regretted it, would never do it again and was very adamant!
He said he doesn't want me to think he does it when I don't as I told him I could not be with him
Things are going very well so I think he would be very silly to lie when he has categorically told me he's not interested in that anymore and wants us to work?

Ok, I hope so. I'm only going on my experience with dds dad who lied blatantly for years , to my face; and to himself. It was a massive shock when I found out he was still using. His lies were completely convincing. He has kept his managerial position in local government all through this. Personally though he was a nightmare to live with . I do know that not everyone will be like this though so I hope this all works out for you.

Thank you me too
I suppose i need to give him the benefit of the doubt and just look out for any signs
Not that I'm going to feel on edge but I could always meet someone else and they don't tell me anything?
Suppose people will only want to tell you what they want to xx