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Original poster

What is too much sex ???

60 replies

Unicorndreamer · 03/05/2017 22:13

I'm very highly sexed and think about sex alot. Me and dh probably have sex 9/10 times a week . My friends have told me that I must be a nymph maniac but I honestly just find my husband a huge turn on. We have been together 19 years and I'm 33 now with 4 kids . I'm not at all sexy or pretty but we both fancy eachother rotten. I just love sex and wondered if others are this way with regards sex or am I the minority . Don't get me wrong dh amd me can have cross words but we always come back together and have a great sex life ??? I constantly read on here how women detest sex amd do it as some kind of duty which saddens me alot.

OP posts:
PickAChew · 03/05/2017 23:34

Too much sex is simply more than either you or your DP want. (so long as it's not interfering with everyday tasks)

Dadaist · 03/05/2017 23:35

Interesting that people can divorce love from sex (not just dtd but sexual connection - feeling desire, being desired). I don't think you can have a mature passsionate love for another person without an element of sex. What you are left with is a friendship, an enjoyable partnership, a mutual understanding - but it's not quite love is it?
The truth is that so many women on MN report that they thought they had just gone off sex completely after X years with DH. And then they become single and - hey presto - it was just sex with DP that was the problem!
With the notable exception of some people who are asexual or have psychological aversion, most people - men and women, want a sexual facet to their life. I get the impression that those that are trying to normalise the absence of sex are usually just trying to reassure themselves that it doesn't matter that they've gone off sex with their partner. But it usually does matter really doesn't it?.

MangosAndPapayas · 03/05/2017 23:36

Sex is like alcohol.

Anyone who drinks more than you is an alcoholic. Anyone who drinks less is a party pooper.

Same with sex. Anyone who has more sex than you is a nympho/sex addict. Anyone who has less is frigid.

Horses for courses. Stags for rutting. Plus ca change.

Next first world problem?

BlackeyedSusan · 03/05/2017 23:37

too much sex is more sex than you actually want. (or your partner wants)

PickAChew · 03/05/2017 23:37

And yeah. I have a low drive, these days. Matches DH's, though - when we both happen to be in the mood at the same time! That makes sex less than 9 times a year Not A Problem for us! We've had more prolific times, but we were much younger and didn't have 2 kids with SN, back then.

There is nothing to understand or sympathise with, though.

Emboo19 · 03/05/2017 23:44

If you and your husband are happy with it that's all that surely matters.

Me and my boyfriend have a very good sex life. It's not a case of xx amounts per week though, if varies depending on a lot of different factors.
We do tend to be pretty tuned into each other though, and I've never had to say I'm not in the mood as he's always been able to tell.

He working away at the moment though and although I miss him and hate it.
I've got to say there's something about going without all week, that makes it so much better!!

KeiraKnightleyActsWithHerTeeth · 03/05/2017 23:46

I find the "I feel sorry for people who don't like sex" brigade hilarious. As it goes I DO like sex however I don't find it too much for a stretch to understand that some people might not like it.
I don't particularly like mushrooms, I'd never eat them. I understand that other people might get a hankering for them. It doesn't make my taste buds poorly wired or me weird it's just the way I am.

My sister doesn't like sex, she tells me she finds her husband very attractive (objectively he is a very good looking man) and she does have sex because she likes that he enjoys it but that she doesn't like having someone touching her body. She has never had a sexual desire in her 38 years and isn't bothered. There is nothing wrong with her whatsoever, sex doesn't float her boat she gets her kicks from extreme sports with her husband.

Sex drives differ, do what works for you and talk to the person who does or doesn't want their genitals touched.

Dadaist · 03/05/2017 23:53

Although the frequency of having sex is completely different to not wanting a sex life or not having a sexual dimension to your relationship though. Frequency is about how often your sexuality in your relationship is fully expressed. Some people have more or less expressive periods in their relationships. As long as both feel their needs are being met to a greater or lesser extent, it's not a problem. But without that sexual dimension there is usually something missing.

Imi22sleeping · 04/05/2017 06:24

I find this all a bit insulting i love my husband yes maybe he should divorce me (as a pp suggested) for enjoying a cup of tea over sex but i hate my body being touched i just do i hate everything about my body and spend most days hiddening i under a hoodie. The touch for having sex actually sends me into a panic. If he did divorce me id be devastated but i cant do something that feels so awful to keep him but thanks to all the judgemental arseholes that have basically said my marriage isnt a real marriage i dont enjoy sex hasnt made me feel shit in any way

alonsypot · 04/05/2017 07:14

Is this really stuff people talk about with their friends? Confused "I love sex sooooo much"?

TheNaze73 · 04/05/2017 07:16

Each to their own I think.

If you're both happy with the quality & quantity then embrace it.

AlcoholAndIrony · 04/05/2017 07:18

Too much sex is any that causes emotional or physical harm to someone.

Dadaist · 04/05/2017 07:24

Im22 - I'm absolutely not judging-ad I'm sorry if that's what you've taken from my post. I have said that some people are asexual or have a psychological aversion. In those cases, it's not that the sexual dimension of your life is not being expressed- it's that it isn't there or is being suppressed. If your DH is asexual then it doesn't matter. I'm just saying that 'most' people aren't in your situation because they do have a sexual dimension - but if not towards their partner then it is a problem. And it is self deceptive to think it doesn't affect the relationship in most cases.
I'd only add that if you do feel revulsion at being touched, and if it makes you unhappy or interferes in your life, then perhaps you could get help to understand and address it?

Dahlietta · 04/05/2017 09:39

It's too much sex if it makes you sore.

User16357472 · 04/05/2017 11:24

Dadaist I have to agree, in my previous relationship sex wasn't important to me. I always thought I could live without sex, didn't bother me if I went months without it. I always thought it was pretty normal, we had been together for 9 years (he wasn't bad in bed as previously suggested).

Now I can't get enough of my partner, the chemistry is unbelievable. I'm not the cuddling type, neither of us are. This is totally different to my previous relationships.

Unless like you have stated there is an actual reason why you don't enjoy it, I think it does depend on the type of relationship you're in and how you feel within yourself.

histinyhandsarefrozen · 04/05/2017 11:35

I know when I've had too much sex - it's when I get thrush.

Is this a genuine question? "What is too much sex?" Really?

gamerchick · 04/05/2017 14:00

but thanks to all the judgemental arseholes that have basically said my marriage isnt a real marriage i dont enjoy sex

I've read this thread and don't see anyone saying that to you at all. What matters is both people in that couple being happy with their lot. I wouldn't be happy and wouldn't live my life in a sexless marriage. I can't speak for your husband Hmm

Imi22sleeping · 04/05/2017 16:08

Why would u marry someone knowing the way they feel and then make it an issue if u dont like cheese you arent going to start liking it are you im glad my husband isnt as selfish as you

JustAKitten · 04/05/2017 16:09

She just says she wouldn't be in a relationship with them.

You're so defensive about your lack of good sex.

RebelRogue · 04/05/2017 16:17

When do u have time to have sex so much? Or the energy?

Huskylover1 · 04/05/2017 16:40

im glad my husband isnt as selfish as you

Yes, wanting sex with your wife would be very selfish indeed. Confused

JustAKitten · 04/05/2017 16:41

I'm glad my DP is selfish in that case Wink

MyheartbelongstoG · 04/05/2017 16:42

I also feel sorry for women that don't enjoy sex but stay in a marriage.

And shock horror I feel sorry for the men that are being denied a decent sex life with their wives/girlfriends.

Thinkingofausername1 · 04/05/2017 16:46

I've never enjoyed it. I don't even get how people can have sex with someone they don't know. I think everyone is different and no one should be judged because they like it everyday or don't want it at all.

MyheartbelongstoG · 04/05/2017 16:53

Thinking-why don't you enjoy it?

What is it that puts you off?

I couldn't snog anyone, thoughts of it makes me heave.