Don't like husband very much at the moment!!

[UnhappyMummyATM]

I have name changed for this for obvious reasons!!

Bit of background info: I gave birth to our first born DS four months ago. Few complications during delivery which have left me not really wanting to get intimate with my husband plus I'm breastfeeding and my hormones are very much geared towards me being a Mummy rather than a red hot lover at the moment!
Husband has a high sex drive but does respect my wishes not to get jiggy however does pressurise me a lot for help with hand jobs or a blow job (the latter of which I have refused). I don't feel comfortable performing sex acts in the same room as DS for a start and secondly other aspects of our relationship have gone down the drain and I don't think I love him anymore and can't bear the thought of being intimate with him. Anyway, on the weekend I was breastfeeding DS in bed and husband asks me to, "get out my other tit so he can have a wank." This really upset me and turned my stomach to be quite honest!! However I just wanted to shut him up so obliged. Ten seconds later I had milk pouring out of the other boob and got upset and put boob away and told husband no. Do you think I was BU??

No. He is an asshole - utterly selfish and I'm not surprised you don't want to have sex with him.

Your dh is a wanker in every sense. .....

It's a it odd that he wants to wank while you are breastfeeding. That's. dry strange, it's one thing to have sex whilst a baby is asleep in the cot but to wank with a child feeding of the breast while you banging one out to the other is very strange imo.

He sounds awful. Ltb

Ffs a bit odd and very strange! Sorry about the typos!

Oh gawd no; he thinks you're a blow up doll OP, or at best, there to service him.

I honestly am despairing at the posts I am reading on here; women asking if these men are normal and it's ok, well it really isn't; having sex with anyone when you don't want to is soul destroying and letting him know no matter what his needs trump yours, so wrong.

Even without a new baby, you're not there to service his sexual needs. End of. The fact that he's happy to objectify you while you're breastfeeding his child - and expects you to be complicit in that - is pretty vile behaviour. Feeling neglected and sexually frustrated is, I'm sure, commonplace for a lot of new dads but this crosses a line (imo)...if you're already feeling distanced from him and have no desire to be intimate it sounds like you should trust your instincts. X

Grim.

Yuk! He wanted to want over one got while your baby was feeding on the other! Theres something wrong with his boundaries if he thinks thats ok, that has really turned my stomach. What a horrible, selfish twat!

I can see why you went along with it to start with as the pressure from some men for sex can be immense. You need to be clear with him - any time your child is in your arms(or in the room if that bothers you), sexual contact is completely innapproriate.

Grim

Oh dear-- this is all wrong on so many levels

I'm fine with DTD when babies are in the room (as long as they're in cot asleep) but very uncomfortable that he asked you to do something sexual while you were holding baby and breastfeeding.
It's awful that he expected that of you. I can understand why you went along with it (just do it then it's over, stop the nagging from him) but you stopped when you were uncomfortable with it and he should respect that, not make you feel unreasonable.

Sorry but that's just sickening! You were nursing your child. He's depraved imo

Disgusting no wonder you don't want to have sex with him

I think he needs help, what man would even find that situation erotic or horny, a baby being breastfeed whilst he wanks off beside, absolutely disgusting.

I'm normally quite liberal in the bedroom department but he sounds horrible. No wonder you don't want sex or even really love him anymore.

What a tosser!

I'm sorry, I'm very liberal and also me and DH are dying for a shag which we haven't managed yet since DS was born so I could possibly have some sympathy but honestly him wanking while you are feeding both made me feel sick and make me cry at the same time. Oh love ❤️ you poor sweets, no this isn't ok. It's very disrespectful of you and DS. I don't like him at all xx

I'm crying reading your responses. Thank you. I knew it was sick and it made me cry at the time for so many reasons. I wish I could leave him but I'm trapped because if we split up he'll get access to DS at the weekends and stuff which I don't want. I'm really not at all happy at the moment. He does nothing round the house or for the baby which I find really hurtful. But everyone thinks he's a top bloke!! I've considered emigrating to Oz as my brother lives there but think I'd be sent back if I went without H's permission. He tells me constantly that he loves me yet treats me like a f'ing doormat. Hate him sometimes

Wow OP. I'm sorry you have this dickhead to contend with.

Can you ask him to leave?

Oh lovely, I know nothing about how to leave but MN is usually brilliant at helping with this stuff so keep posting here and let's get you out of that situation

I'm always overly cautious when I suggest things like this but I do partly feel he's being sexually abusive, I wonder if you could contact women's aid for support?

I doubt he'd get overnights/weekends while you're breastfeeding and your ds is so young. Also he may not even want the level of contact you imagine he would - lot of blokes don't seem to when it comes to it. Staying with him for that reason doesn't make sense.

Also I just want to hug Right now xx

He sounds awful, I'm sorry op.

He sounds awful, I'm sorry op.

Revolting.