Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Would a difference in Political Values make you rethink a relationship?

56 replies

AugustSunshine · 02/05/2017 18:47

Just wanting some other opinions on this really.

I've been seeing a guy for 7 months. Recently he's been very opinionated and vocal about politics. Especially since the snap election call.

Would it be a deal breaker for you? Are you in a good relationship with someone holding opposite political views?

OP posts:
Mrskeats · 02/05/2017 18:50

No it would be a deal breaker for me
I am involved in politics and couldn't be with someone with majorly different views.

jayho · 02/05/2017 18:51

Yes, my political values are part of my core values, what makes me me.

JK1773 · 02/05/2017 19:00

Not for me unless they were wildly different. My OH has loads of political opinions, by best female friend also does. I don't necessarily agree with either of them sometimes (often I do) but as long as there is mutual respect of another opinion I don't see a problem. So long as your principal life values are the same.

Original poster
AugustSunshine · 02/05/2017 19:01

Thanks to you both.

I am starting to feel that we are just too different but it does seem like a silly reason to end something when you break it down to just politics.

OP posts:
snapcrap · 02/05/2017 19:03

When I was young - yes. Now - no. Unless he was intolerant of others views or he was offensive in his own views.

Original poster
AugustSunshine · 02/05/2017 19:03

JK - I think you've highlighted an important point actually. I don't see much mutual respect there really.

He's been a bit... I guess arrogant over it all.... and I'm finding that all very unattractive really.

OP posts:
CassandraAusten · 02/05/2017 19:06

The thing is that 'just politics' isn't just an interesting dinner party conversation like a difference in (say) preferred film genre. To some extent it's fundamental to who you are - especially if one of you has quite extreme views. I'd have no problem being in a relationship with someone who voted for a different party, but if it was because of a serious underlying difference in beliefs and principles then there would be a problem.

HidingFromDD · 02/05/2017 19:06

Depends what the differences are. My dp and I differ in some aspects but we agree on the major elements. I couldn't date a ukiper as that's totally against what I believe in.

DrMorbius · 02/05/2017 19:10

For me there is no right or wrong in political views. To assume mine was right and anybody else is so wrong they are beneath a relationship with me is bizarre.

Saw an interesting graphic over the weekend, that showed people became more likely to vote conservative as they got older. So be prepared to divorce as you get older if you factor life time political allegiance into your decision making.

twattymctwatterson · 02/05/2017 19:11

Couldn't date a vocal Tory. Perhaps that makes me closed minded but I couldn't be with someone who's values are so completely different from mines

Spam88 · 02/05/2017 19:12

Would be a deal breaker for me. As others have said, my political views stem from my fundamental values and beliefs and there's no way I could be in a relationship with someone who's views opposed mine. It would make me find them seriously unattractive for starters.

Depends how different their views are of course. It wouldn't bother me if they voted for a different party with broadly similar values.

Original poster
AugustSunshine · 02/05/2017 19:13

I felt like our beliefs were pretty similar but now I'm not so sure.

OP posts:
Original poster
AugustSunshine · 02/05/2017 19:18

DrMorbius It isn't at all that I feel he is beneath me.

Now I am sat here thinking about it I think it's his lack of tolerance to views different from his.

He knows my opinions because we have chatted about them but I don't feel the need to argue the points repeatedly. It's just how certain he is that he's right that bothers me

OP posts:
Bant · 02/05/2017 19:30

I'm going through the hell that is online dating, and have found that if someone voted for Brexit, no matter how well thought out their arguments, whether it's about sovereignty or democracy or immigration - all of which are arguable of course (an unelected PM, first past the post and don't be such a xenophobic arse) - then I can't date them.

My beliefs are pretty fundamental to my principles, and those are important to me, so unless I want to engage in arguments with someone repeatedly I'd just rather find someone I agree with.

I'd probably also find it difficult to date a Trotskyist too though.

Frith2013 · 02/05/2017 19:32

I couldn't be in a relationship with a Tory. Though I would rather that that someone who voted for Brexit.

EveningShadows · 02/05/2017 19:35

It's not about thinking they're beneath you but I definitely couldn't date/marry a Tory. Can't see either myself or dh becoming Tories either.

Their policies are sooooo against everything we believe in - it's part of what makes me, me.

Olddear · 02/05/2017 19:36

My DH and I have different political views, we get along just fine! Having said that I couldn't date anyone who voted UKIP......

toolonglou · 02/05/2017 19:37

It would depend what those values were and how much they really offended me. I can think of people I know who hold strong views I find intolerable. It would be a deal-breaker.

Obsidian77 · 02/05/2017 19:43

I agree with pps that your political views are a fundamental part of your identity. You don't have to share your OH's viewpoint down to the last detail but if you strongly disagree in your interpretation of what the major issues in society are and how best to deal with them, this suggests you aren't all that compatible.
This can still work in a relationship but ime it tends to go one of two ways, either you have loads of impassioned debates, which is exhausting, or one of you gets used to keeping your mouth shut, which is exhausting.

Nutterfly · 02/05/2017 19:49

It depends. I have dated someone with very different political views, and quite enjoyed the political argument -- but only because we were both capable of being good-natured about it.
That said, the relationship was very much short term, never came close to being serious and never would have been.
Like others have said, I could never be in a serious relationship with someone who voted Tory/UKIP or Brexit. Not because they differ politically, but because they differ morally.

Tory policies hit the poorest and most vulnerable the hardest. I couldn't be with anyone who ignored that and voted for them anyway.

Original poster
AugustSunshine · 02/05/2017 19:54

Obsidian77 I do wonder how we would pan out long term. I am seeing that I am reluctant to mention politics because I cringe inwardly when he gets on his soapbox.

I love a good discussion and really enjoy it when people are passionate about things but if someone else dismisses all other views as 'thick' I just feel like they are the ones lacking intelligence to see any other views.

OP posts:
Original poster
AugustSunshine · 02/05/2017 19:56

Nutterfly he voted both!

OP posts:
Barbaro · 02/05/2017 19:56

Only if they tried to force their views on me. They can have their own opinion, but if I have a different one, its not the end of the world as long as we both act mature about it.

Joysmum · 02/05/2017 19:56

No not for me.

Dh and I are like chalk and cheese in so many aspects, it means we meet in the middle.

There's been so many things I've changed my mind own over the years that if I was unbending in my views now, I'd loathe who I was when I was younger!

I'm mature enough now to know that I still wasn't a bad personal back then, just because I had different views.

DrMorbius · 02/05/2017 20:04

Now I am sat here thinking about it I think it's his lack of tolerance to views different from his

So you are intolerant of his lack of tolerance GrinGrinGrinGrin MN gold. You get my award for best line of the week Blush

Swipe left for the next trending thread