Heard rumours about friend's husband,should I tell her?

[conkerpods]

I've heard a rumour from 2 different sources that my friend's husband is having an affair. He had an affair a few years ago which she found out about.
I don't know whether to keep out of it or to tell her that there are rumours?They're having some issues at the moment but I don't want to blow her world apart.
Any advice?

If you are a good friend then yes you should tell her, I was told by a good friend, I chose not to act on her suspicion, even though I knew she was right. It ruined our friendship sadly. I wish I had listened to her now and acted on it.

Ok , sorry if it sounded a bit like an interrogation. I know what it's like to find out people knew all along.

But I also know what it's like to have people believe lies about you.

I hope it works out op

But do be prepared for the possibility that you could be the one on the receiving end of the anger.

Deep down she will know you didn't lie to her and that you aren't making the accusations you are just passing on what you know.

However due to the nature of the news, potential cheating husband and colleagues she may feel are gossiping about her, you will be the only person she has to lash out at.

I wish you luck

I think you should tell her but make it clear it's not definite but as someone said, it'll be worse if she finds out you knew / had an idea and didn't say anything

Thankyou everyone for your input,it's a big help.

Nobody told me...until after we'd split up.

If people close to me knew that my partner is cheating on me yet they never said a word about it to me I would get seriously angry with them. Who are you loyal to here, the cheating husband or your friend? Your friend deserves to know what's going on.

I was livid when I found out people knew about my ExH affair and didn't tell me.
I'd have saved myself months of paranoia and thinking I'm crazy if one of them had told me.
If they are having problems, she's probably wondering what the hell it is.
She's probably bending over backwards to make things 'work' when he's off shagging someone else.
Tell her. But specify it's only rumours and you have no idea or proof if it's actually true.

Please tell her there are rumours. She really needs to know the truth about her life.

I would tell my friend if I were in your position. I would then help them to get their ducks in a row and then try and catch the twat red-handed.

Do you know who the rumours are about i.e. who he may be having an affair with? I think if you're going to say there are rumours and I was the wife o would like a few more details to save me fruitlessly digging (and driving myself insane).

Have you told her?

Why don't you just tell her what you've been told?

Rather than say "your husbands having an affair!!!" Just tell her you've been told he's been having one, but be prepared to tell her who told you etc

What did she say to you about the last affair? Do you think there is a possibility she would know now and if you point it out it is public knowledge she would feel forced to act when she might prefer to ignore?

I would always tell a friend and expect a friend to tell me. Real friends can be honest with each other, that involves hearing things they may not want to. Don't let him make a fool of her. She deserves to know that he's either having an affair or behaving in a manner that leads others to believe he is.

Name your source to her.

Tell her Angela and Brian have said her husband is having an affair and while you don't know if it's true, you wanted to tell her.

every time I read these threads, I think there is only one solution....

Tell her anonymously.

you are then a) being a good friend and b) also you don't get the blame in a "shoot the messenger" way.

If he's "allowed" to play away it allows her to save face
When (if) the s* hits the fan you deny knowledge and give huge sympathy.

The only time this doesn't work is if you have direct knowledge which you couldn't deny so then you go to the cheater and say they have a week to tell or you do....again anonymously to protect yourself.

God no don't tell her anonymously

Someone prepared to blow apart someone's life should at least have the decency to do it in person.

Or of course care enough to support the poor victims rather than join the crew of gossips.

rumours are exactly that. rumours. people can actually be close friends without it being a sexual relationship. I have been accused twice of having an affair, both times with a very male friend with whom actually nothing was happening. On each occasion the rumours affected the friendship and associated marriages!! don't spread rumours and gossip.

Just tell her the truth and all you've been told. I'd want to know and I'd expect my friends to tell me as I would my friends.

Hard though OP. I hope it's just rumours

I would want someone to tell me. I would be devastated if a very good friend kept this a secret. I think it's as bad as the husband having the affair

demented; then you must be inappropriately presenting as a couple with these 'friends'. Most of my friends are male. They are platonic. Nobody assumes otherwise because we don't flirt, touch or behave inappropriately. Where people have wondered, it has been to ask if we're brother and sister. If you're consistently assumed to be having an affair with your friends then your non platonic behaviour and body language is the issue.

Whether he is having an affair or behaving inappropriately with another woman, his wife has a right to know and her friend has an obligation to tell her.

Evening all. I see this friend most days as we work together.
I'm still undecided!
If I am to tell her I need to choose my timing carefully.

How can you not tell her? She's your friend. He's making a fool of her. She will be so hurt when she finds out you hid it from her. Be diplomatic and gentle but tell her.

If she's a good friend, just be honest and say that you aren't trying to stir shit, but that it's being bandied about that her DH is having an affair. That right now it's just unsubstantiated gossip you heard third hand but you thought she should know. Try to get across that you aren't actually accusing him of anything, just that he's the subject of gossip, iyswim.