Anyone think the expression narc is overused here

[yetmorecrap]

I do appreciate that some people clearly are but i personally think it gets used a lot as well to describe partners or parents who are just not nice, abusive , a total twat or just plain rude which I think can undermine the cases where they clearly 'are' narcisstic.

They actually associate living with a Narc as having PTSD so until you've had to recover from a relationship or being involved with someone , you probably ain't dealing with narcissism

Bloody hell- I wish I had known this before. My ex was actually diagnosed with NPD- although 'hilariously' he said this was just because the psychologist had never met someone as special as him . At the end of the relationship I tried to kill myself as I thought I would never be able to escape him. It was nearly ten years ago and I still couldn't have another relationship. I don't trust my judgement, and don't have the strength to go through that again.

So yes.. a bit more than not liking cushions....

Massively overused. It seems to be an epidemic.

i hope those of you who think this word is overused never have to deal with someone who fits the description. had this word been banded about 5, 10, 15, 20 years ago as it is now I may have realised that my marriage was emotionally and financially abusive a lot earlier and not now be facing the repercussions of being financially ruined due to the selfish behavior of my X and having to deal with 15 year old twins who are being used as "pawns" in his attempt to "destroy" me.

The reason there are not many official diagnosis is they are expert manipulators and unless they are somewhere where their behaviour can be scrutinised all the time they can turn it on & off. They also have their "victim" believe that they are the cause of the problems and so can get away with it for 20 years (in my case).

They are unable to express empathy - what sort of response would be appropriate when your wife of 20 years is diagnosed with aggressive breast cancer even though you have separated for 6 months- and its not "have you sorted out the insurance claim if not i can do it"

mumgoing - i came on here because i am fed up of dealing with the abuse from my DS everytime his DF does something that upsets him but which he can only vent at me - it is never ending!

www.sowhatireallymeant.com/2015/11/22/what-is-the-difference-between-being-selfish-and-being-narcissistic/

I would describe an ex of mine as a narc. The relationship was utter hell and escaping it was even worse. I had no idea of what NPD was. I think I may have googled 'why does he blow hot and cold?' and it all made sense. He almost destroyed me.
I would never use the term lightly and I think I have only ever used the term once when a poster described her partners behaviour. Who knows if her partner was NPD or not but I like to think that if he was, knowing more about it can help you realise that the relationship will NEVER work, but more importantly how to protect yourself when leaving the relationship.
The upside to go through a relationship with someone with NPD and knowing or at least suspecting that they have it, is that it pretty much future proofs you from bullshit of any kind in future relationships if you are brave enough to have one.

Narcissists may pretend to be empathetic and kind if necessary, but like everything else they do, their behavior is designed to create a self-image that will garner narcissistic supply.

the only time X "expressed" empathy was in emails that were copied in to his solicitor - the emails that were sent to me direct were a completely different "tone"

jessica - i have been under the MH team twice in the last 6 months and have just been referred for more counselling - I am not going to let the X destroy me - they do not respect boundaries and this is where the conflict occurs -

I would never be able to escape him - i have used this word "escape" - i need to learn how to manage this whilst having kids together!

It is bandied about a lot and sometimes it's OTT but...if you've ever had a brush with one, my god you'll know about it. It is terrifying. Yes you could just use the phrase 'bastard' but it doesn't go far enough really. Id been messed around by people before, stuff like that, but my ex that had narc characteristics was just next level. I always knew he was a bit odd, but couldn't put my finger on it. I had a few threads here in relationships and someone called 'narc'. I realised I was not going mad. He was text book and that helped me to stay out of that relationship, because I could identify a pattern in his behaviour. The discarding by a someone of this character is awful. Since him, I have met others of that ilk and given them a wide berth when I might otherwise have got involved - they are very charming.

I also accessed the therapy I needed and my whole childhood that I was confused about became clear - when I described events, she would ask if I'd felt like I was feeling before, and the realisation dawned - one of my parents was of that ilk too.

In all, I believe I have had three people in my life that have narc qualities - a parent, a partner and a boss. I guess you could call it abuse rather than using the narc label - I do feel embarrassed using it because I don't want to appear to be an armchair psychologist...but the labels help when you are on the other side of it. Regardless, steer clear of them!

MaisieDotes is in the right of it IMO. Narcissism is a perfectly reasonable way to refer to certain behaviour patterns. They may or may not have a personality disorder, it's not for you or me to make a remote diagnosis even if we were experts, which most of us are not. Nevertheless in its non-medical sense it seems fair to say.

Narcissus, in Greek mythology, was a beautiful youth who mistook his reflection for a water nymph and pined away gazing at "her". Meanwhile a nymph called Echo fell in love with him too, but was doomed only to repeat words spoken by other people. She too pined away until there was nothing left but her little voice, endlessly copying the man she loved who never even looked at her. Sound familiar? Mind you, in real life people with NPD seem to manage very nicely, thank you, by trampling on others. There's usually an Echo fading away in their household too, unless he/she manages to get out. Narcissus would have survived if he had someone bringing his meals while he concentrated on adoring himself.

I started off in therapy with the latent suspicion that my mother has NPD.

My therapist is humanistic and doesn't really 'do' labels but prefers to see people for who they are.

15 months later and my therapist believes that my mother has NPD.

My mother is very subtle in her behaviour, yet she showed a repeated inability throughout her parenting life to ever put her children first. With her, it's pathological.

So it's not really about the constant digs, the need for admiration and all the other big ticket behaviour that narcs attract attention for. As others have said, people can behave in silly, attention seeking ways without having NPD.

My mother is silly and attention seeking, but more importantly she was so incapable of allowing her children to have needs of feelings she inflicted massive neglect which had far-reaching consequences.

So I guess what I'm saying is that people can display narcissistic traits, but for me true narcissism isn't about what's there it's about what is lacking, it's about a pathological lack of empathy and an inability to put others first.

It's just the in word. When we were at school everyone was a 'psycho' which used to wind me up as MH is a big problem in my family and personality disorders are no fun.
Agree with pp though, a few times I've seen 'narc' and thought somebody was talking about narcotics

So I guess what I'm saying is that people can display narcissistic traits, but for me true narcissism isn't about what's there it's about what is lacking, it's about a pathological lack of empathy and an inability to put others first

This.

My mother is silly and attention seeking, but more importantly she was so incapable of allowing her children to have needs of feelings she inflicted massive neglect which had far-reaching consequences

And this.

I first read about narcissistic personalities on here. On doing a bit of online research I think my mother ticks every single box for having NPD.

It doesn't change anything. I understand now there's nothing I can do about her behaviour other than protect myself (and my DH/kids) by not engaging.

i've had counselling relating to dp and what i took from that is narcisiscm (probably spelt that wrong) is like a scale and lots of people can have narcissistic traits and different ends of the scale but not be a full blown narcisist then you will get some that are.

It does get used a lot. My dp has traits but he is not full blown.

I'm a psychologist and completely agree, it's overused here. It's also problematic because personality disorders are trait based so can't really be changed much (or at least without significant intervention), so it's almost like saying "well there's nothing s/he can do because they were born like that" rather than saying "actually s/he needs to stop being abusive"

I agree lovecreameggs. Im not saying that some people are not, but Ive seen it used to describe everything from the odd very selfish act to someone who is just plain odd. I think the problem by using it all the time is it takes away from those that are genuinely dealing with this personality disorder in partners. Ive also seen the same with psychopath. I know someone who most certainly is, exacerbated in their case by cocaine use and absolutely every conversation and action is turned round to them, they are like jekyll and hyde and absolutely no empathy whatsoever .

My ex- it's difficult to explain- but there was absolutely nothing 'inside'. He was a bottomless pit when it came to attention or thrill seeking. He could not bear to be alone, even for a minute. He literally could not understand that people had different views to him- he thought that everyone from his country liked a certain meal because he did; he couldn't actually grasp that I could not speak his native language as he could speak it!
When his brother died, his only comment was at least he wouldn't have to share a cake with him again. (The Xmas before he died, his brother took part of a cake the neighbour had baked).

I think its overused too. It has become a term of abuse really, like pig or selfish jerk. Which detracts from its real meaning. But people seem to be hysterical with their hyperbole on MN ... everyone's a C* is the latest thing .

I have only ever met one Narcissist. Undiagnosed (except by me of course). They really are very disordered people, you know you are dealing with someone unusual from the word go. I didn't go out with him for very long. Luckily. But quite different from the run of the mill prick (who incidentally can cause damage too, just as much, if not more when people are normal but horribly selfish IMO). Still, I could understand how a narcissist could really mess with your head unless you went completely cold-turkey NC.

Funnily enough, after that I looked at one of my friends in a slightly different light. I think she had some N traits, so I think there is a spectrum. But I still think NPD is in a league of its own.

Agree with others saying the word narcissistic is different to someone who is diagnosed (or diagnosable) with NPD.

I would be surprised if anyone reads 'narc' on the internet and actually believes the person has narcissistic personality disorder.

I think the thing about 'just needing to stop being abusive' is a moot point really because changing yourself from an abusive partner into a non abusive partner requires a similar process.

As is LTB..

Example:

Worried female: Hi all, I'm really upset that my DP didn't smile at me when he woke yo this morning.

50% replies: LTB

Narcissism is overused as is NPD. People don't seem to realise that personality disorders are serious mental health diagnoses.

Yes, as a mental health nurse it really annoys me that narcissistic personality disorder is trivialised in this way!

Is it really though? Simply because people use the word narcissistic to apply to some people/behaviour/traits that are not necessarily NPD. If someone is saying over the internet that someone else has NPD then that's one thing!

Using the word narcissistic is a valid description of certain behaviours and it vastly more often has nothing to do with NPD, which was named after narcissus same as describing something or someone as narcissistic describes them/the thing with reference to narcissus.

Just a bit meh really... it's a word, one that has a perfectly valid use (and many of them in fact) it does not mean anyone who ever using it to imply, mean or described NPD. Just as someone/behaviour can be described as hysterical, anti-social, histrionic, neurotic etc without them having or the person meaning to imply they have an actual personality disorder...

XP for example at the time he left I did wonder if he was diagnosable with NPD as a lot of his behaviour fitted. He was later diagnosed BPD which clearly to a lay person can seem quite similar. Having understood a bit more about it all the diagnosis of BPD I believe is correct but that didn't stop a lot of his behaviour being accurately described as narcissistic and I find it interesting that he does have a diagnosable PD, he just isn't NPD.

Anyway, the distinction for me is between narcissistic behaviour (which anyone is capable of in minor to fairly major ways) and NPD - which is a pathological personality disorder.