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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Husband is a cunt

40 replies

mumsonthelash · 01/05/2017 20:11

H is long time cheat and I was left with PTSD. However was getting better. If I said I felt ill he said why are you bringing that up now? You are constructing this.
At xmas I said I didn't want sex as tired but had had lovely time. And so the rejection bullying started which he now denies.
Was doing house up and asked that money was put in joint account so I didn't have to ask.
So I cleaned house over the weekend and was excited so I asked him what the budget was.
And so the contempt began.....I have already told you how much...why are you asking again? In a completely patronising way.
So I got upset and he carried on saying he doesn't trust my reactions to anything.
He said I had to buy in to the relationship or get out. makes me feel ill.

OP posts:
FallenSky · 01/05/2017 20:15

Why are you still with him? I know it's easy to say from the outside but, seriously, you need to get out as soon as you can. He sounds awful Flowers

MusicIsMedicine · 01/05/2017 20:16

Fuck him off. Life's too short.

Justmadeperfectflapjacks · 01/05/2017 20:17

Use the money to see a solicitor instead. .

Original poster
mumsonthelash · 01/05/2017 20:21

rewriting history. The reason I have PTSD is his refusal to be kind and understanding after betrayal.
Feel sick cant believe he said buy in or get out! Not really sure what he means? Its him who doesn't buy in to the relationship.
Buffoon.

OP posts:
DrMorbius · 01/05/2017 20:23

These threads run to script. You have told us approximately 1% of why your DH is a cunt, why are you still with him?

Justmadeperfectflapjacks · 01/05/2017 20:25

Only you can change your future. He has no need to as long as you keep accepting his cheating and treating you like shit. Once you start accepting it you give him the green light to continue it.

Why would you do that to yourself??
You say ptsd. . I have had it too but it wasn't self inflicted. ..

sunnysouthend · 01/05/2017 20:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
mumsonthelash · 01/05/2017 21:01

I get what you are saying. The cheating was so bad I became stuck in a weird state of shock and couldn't do anything but survive.

OP posts:
sunnysouthend · 01/05/2017 21:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
mumsonthelash · 01/05/2017 21:22

Hmmmm well I had some joint counselling by some prick who said I was codependant. I'm not with him now.
Look you're right this is self inflicted as there is no need for me to stay but somehow the PTSD disabled me.
Thing is in order to get over it you need to be rid of the abuser and somehow I couldn't leave I didn't have the strength. weirdly.
So its about finding it.

OP posts:
Original poster
mumsonthelash · 01/05/2017 21:26

Also you are right I have only shared 1per cent. What the fuck is up with these men? power and control?

OP posts:
sunnysouthend · 01/05/2017 21:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mumonashoestring · 01/05/2017 21:33

Asking you to buy in to the relationship would be fair enough if you were the one who'd cheated - what he's really asking for is for you to completely write off everything that's happened, stop referring to it in any way, stop making him think about/face up to what he did and, basically, get back in your box.

He's given you the get out as an option - take it. The alternative is misery and stress for you and an easy ride for him.

sunnysouthend · 01/05/2017 21:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
mumsonthelash · 01/05/2017 21:38

thanks sunny I will try to build myself up. I have told him repeatedly that I'm ill but he seems to feel under attack if I mention anything and lashes out and causes arguments and runs away to a hotel.

OP posts:
Original poster
mumsonthelash · 01/05/2017 21:42

inbetween all this abuse he becomes mr nice guy making meals etc.
Then he says I don't appreciate him as I become more and more detached and cant find it in me to pretend we are normal. Not sure what normal is anymore.

OP posts:
Original poster
mumsonthelash · 01/05/2017 21:44

if he upsets me he wont back down and comfort me he goes on and on picking on my faults until I become irrational and then he runs off saying I'm crazy.

OP posts:
ShiningArmour · 01/05/2017 21:45

Ltb

Original poster
mumsonthelash · 01/05/2017 21:45

I want to leave.

OP posts:
user1471462290 · 01/05/2017 21:47

Op first off have some hugs, I know it's not very mumsnet but I know how you feel

I have ptsd due to mainly sexual abuse but I also have it due to the way my husband treated me, (very similar to you) my advice starting setting a plan to leave him, honestly it may take a while but please do, he's not a loving husband xxxx

Original poster
mumsonthelash · 01/05/2017 21:52

Thankyou. So its quite clearly emotional and financial abuse. Cant see the wood for the trees. A bully. Doesn't want to know.

OP posts:
sunnysouthend · 01/05/2017 21:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mumonashoestring · 01/05/2017 21:57

seems to feel under attack if I mention anything and lashes out and causes arguments and runs away to a hotel

Very obvious emotional abuse - creates a situation, challenges you to get upset about it, convinces you it's your fault when you do get upset. Left to it he'll slowly condition you to just accept everything he says to avoid the conflict and you'll end up miserable and numb. That's no life.

So, practical stuff: what's stopping you leaving? There is a huge amount of information and support available on mnet

Original poster
mumsonthelash · 01/05/2017 22:00

Whats stopping me leaving? Fear and nowhere to go. Will have to have a plan because nothing will change unless I make it happen. Terrified of being on my own.

OP posts:
Original poster
mumsonthelash · 01/05/2017 22:05

Sound such an idiot. Am professional woman. Married 30 years so only know the tip of the cheating and that is shocking.

OP posts:
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