Husband is a cunt

[mumsonthelash]

H is long time cheat and I was left with PTSD. However was getting better. If I said I felt ill he said why are you bringing that up now? You are constructing this.
At xmas I said I didn't want sex as tired but had had lovely time. And so the rejection bullying started which he now denies.
Was doing house up and asked that money was put in joint account so I didn't have to ask.
So I cleaned house over the weekend and was excited so I asked him what the budget was.
And so the contempt began.....I have already told you how much...why are you asking again? In a completely patronising way.
So I got upset and he carried on saying he doesn't trust my reactions to anything.
He said I had to buy in to the relationship or get out. makes me feel ill.

The cheating was so bad I became stuck in a weird state of shock and couldn't do anything but survive.

Oh MsOTLash ... all of what you say is what I also feel. The feeling that every day you are just surviving - everything is on hold - you are on green-to-red alert the whole time ... I understand. I understand it all, and the weird inertia, and the fear, and the strange way that the only time you feel ok is with him, but you realise, in a detached sort of way, that you don't know what normal or weird or anything really is any more.

I thought today that I now understand the phrase 'life is not worth living'.

If it weren't for my children. I don't know where I'd be.

I'm so sorry you're going through this too - but kind of amazed and glad that we have identical feelings, as that must mean we aren't mad!!!!

TBH it sounds like you have both already decided it is over.

Is there a relative / friend you can stay with? If only for a break for a weekend to clear your head and get a fresh perspective on things?

And that thing - if you're happy about something (and after the PTSD etc., a feeling of real excitement is so precious - like a flower budding) - they see it and have to crush it. It's like a kind of jealousy. We aren't allowed to be happy about things as that means we're having positive feelings towards something other than them.

It's so good you felt happy about doing the house. And so mean that he bashed you down.

Buy into the relationship? Erm, I'm sorry? You haven't? Your mental health has been seriously compromised, and yet you're still with him, and still mustering joy at doing up the house. ... oh, he is a bugger. But a definite type.

Do you want him?

Well I showed that I did in every way but that has now been eroded by his nasty behaviour. He cannot be to blame for anything and will go all out to destroy anyone who has the nerve to hold him accountable.
Are these narc traits?

Tabby I really feel for you. It honestly does get better.

Also never thought about the crushing happiness thing before but think you are right. sick.

Your right, he IS a cunt. So get your shit together and leave.
Get advice from Woman's Aid and make a plan. Tell people in rl.

I'm only 30 with two young children. I recently walked away from an emotional abuser after tolerating it, foolishly for 5 years. I had depression before I met him and slight OCD... I'm now left with depression, terrible anxiety, much worse OCD... But since I ended it through daily suicidal thoughts have gone... Realising that was a great moment. I stayed for a few reasons, one of which was I thought I couldn't cope. How wrong I was. I'm doing bloody fantastic, and do can you too. Please please leave him. It's better to be on your own than with you were.

Thanks everyone. I needed reassurance as somehow I felt it was me to blame as well. I cant stand the confusion and being tied in knots.

Second calling womens aid. They deal with stuff like this and the feeling like there's nowhere to go, not knowing what the pan week be...they will help with precisely that

This will just get worse and worse. You need a plan. Trust me, being on your own for a bit is crucial to work out why you end up in abusive relationships.

Yes, those are narcissist traits. You are surviving day to day life with a narcissist.

There is a better way to spend your days.

Call Women's Aid 0808 200 247, and see if you can get either some ptsd counselling there or a referral to counselling for ptsd, and go see your GP too.

WA can help you make a plan to leave and will support you as you take one step at a time towards the life you deserve.

Oh love, get out of there and see yourself grow! You remind me so much of me, three years ago.

An abusive partner needs to keep you anxious & depressed so you can't fight back, you can't think straight and you can't hold him to account for his cuntish behaviour.

Ironically, I was lucky because after ten years in the relationship, the abuse suddenly & quickly escalated into physical abuse and I realised that if it continued I would end up dead. I have two grown up DCs, and knowing I had to be around for them finally gave me the courage to leave.

Please do as PPs have advised, and get in touch with Women's Aid and GP. Or there might be another support group local to you. There's a brilliant organisation called Rise in Sussex, who were fantastic when I left.

Three years on, I'm happy living on my own and still feel proud I managed to get away. My MH is still fragile but I don't live in fear any more. It takes courage but you can do it too, and you'll never regret it.

Leave him. He will only make you more ill.