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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

WWYD re friend

74 replies

MyheartbelongstoG · 01/05/2017 13:41

My friend of 4 years recently cane over to mine for a drink and made a play for my boyfriend.

The three of us were having a drink and chatting. I'm not a drinker, had half a glass of wine. Friend on the other hand drinks a lot and was pissed.

I left the room for about twenty mins and when I came back in to the kitchen she said "another five mins and you would have caught us at it and I (she) would have been sliding up and down his cock".

She also asked him to go into the sitting room, he said no.

I know she finds him attractive.

I haven't really spoken to her since but this week she got some bad news and has reached out to me.

Would you just drop her or would you explain why?

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MyheartbelongstoG · 01/05/2017 15:55

Husky, I was in the sitting room folding my washing, she thought I had gone to bed.

I just couldn't listen to her drunken shite talk any longer. The same conversation over and over.

I could hear what they were talking about. It was as if she was steering the conversation. At one point I heard my boyfriend saying something about being stressed (we had something coming up on the following Monday) and she said something like well you've got here and the kids. Think she was trying to either get him to open up or make out his life here is stressful. He just said no and mentioned the thing that was coming up on the Monday.

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Silverdream · 01/05/2017 15:58

She's not a friend. Friends don't flirt with your bf. she wasn't worried about your feelings when she made a move on your bf but wants you to worry about her feelings. Narcissist written all over it.

JustSpeakSense · 01/05/2017 15:59

Drop her, no explanation needed.

Block her on both your and boyfriends phones and forget she ever existed!

feathermucker · 01/05/2017 16:03

Wtf?! That's no friend! You need to get her out of your life. Don't feel bad or guilty about it - a clean break is definitely right in this situation!

MyheartbelongstoG · 01/05/2017 16:29

Think I'm just going to block her and drop and hope she doesn't turn up!

She is no friend to me, not after that anyway.

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MusicToMyEars800 · 01/05/2017 17:48

My word Shock she is acting like an immature teen! If she turns up just make it crystal clear she is unwanted in your life, she will soon get the message, I don't know if she was much of a friend before that happened, if she was it would've never happened! do women in their late thirties really behave like this? I bet she's a narc.

Iflyaway · 01/05/2017 18:04

hope she doesn't turn up!

Why the fuck would you even let her over the threshold?!

She sure does not have any qualms about stepping over YOUR bourndaries, or your partner's.

She's toxic and you both have to let her know she is no longer welcome.

Let her move on. She obviously has no sense of self consciousness and boundaries. Not what you need around that's for sure.

Oh, and it not up to you to fix it!

You both sound kind and hospitable. But people will take advantage. I know. been there, done that. t-shirt worn out!

MyheartbelongstoG · 01/05/2017 18:45

There's no way I would let her in our home now as I just can't trust her.

I'm 100% sure that had I not come back into the kitchen, she would have tried to kiss him or whatever.

It's sickening as she knows I have had a hard time and I am finally happy. A true friend would be happy for me.

My boyfriend is a lovely man and we love one another, she can see this.

She's actually my ex boss and as I have seen her in action I would agree she is a narc.

Never in a million years would I make a play for someone's partner!

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Emmageddon · 01/05/2017 18:50

If she turns up, just say 'what are you doing here? you're not welcome in this house, bye' and shut the door.

Hekabe · 01/05/2017 18:54

God. Sounds just like a 'friend'I had at school. My boyfriend, friends boyfriends... she just had some sort of psychological need for what wasn't hers. And we were only 16 for goodness sakes. I was furious for years, but found it sad in the end. From what I hear she's still like it. I'll bet you anything she won't see the problem at all. But problem it is.

MyheartbelongstoG · 01/05/2017 18:55

I'm just not going to contact her again and let her go. If she turns up I will tell her why no problem. I just didn't want to make a big thing of it last week as she would have contacted my boyfriend again saying she was sorry bla, bla. Any excuse to talk to him!

My boyfriend knows how I feel and agrees with me so I will block her on Facebook and phones for both of us.

Then she can stick those chicken drumsticks up her arse!

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MyheartbelongstoG · 01/05/2017 18:58

Hekabe, I had a friend worse than this one who was mad for my ex husband. She once admitted to me that she wanted my life which from the outside looked perfect. Little did she know that I was being beaten.

She moved far away in the end and I just stopped talking to her. This friend seems more dangerous somehow.

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MargotMoon · 01/05/2017 20:07

This is such a no-brainer! Glad you and your DP have clear boundaries. You owe her no explanation, as you have concluded. Hope she never darkens your door again!! Shock

MusicToMyEars800 · 01/05/2017 20:19

I'm glad you've seen the light Myheart tell her he can slide up and down on the drumsticks as they won't fight back Grin

MyheartbelongstoG · 01/05/2017 20:35

Lol music, that cracked me up!

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MusicToMyEars800 · 01/05/2017 20:37

that should've said she not he lol.

MyheartbelongstoG · 01/05/2017 23:11

Thought's of it makes me feel sick!

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Siwdmae · 02/05/2017 06:51

Why the hell has someone who has met your bf a handful of times got his phone number? Get him to block her, you do the same.

Expat38matt · 02/05/2017 07:22

Was originally going to say give her a chance she was drunk and probably so embarrassed but seeing all your updates it's obviously nothing to do with drink at all and everything to do with wanting to take your man off you!!
I think giving a chance to someone who is drunk / sad / lonely is the right thing but she's taking the piss as this isn't the first time!!
Your boyfriend sounds lovely by the way and very tolerant as he politely bats away the advances of your mad friend !!!!

MyheartbelongstoG · 02/05/2017 10:55

I rang her from his phone once and she obviously saved it

She could still contact him via Facebook anyway.

Expat, I felt the same initially too. Not because she was drink but because I know she is in a bad place but now I think fuck it, she can piss off.

And yes, my boyfriend is lovely. We have a great relationship and trust one another 100%

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LeninaCrowne · 02/05/2017 10:59

Can you block her number from his phone and Facebook?

MyheartbelongstoG · 02/05/2017 11:06

Yep I can, my boyfriend already blocked her on Facebook. I'll make sure he does on his phone too.

I haven't blocked her yet but no point in waiting I suppose so will do that later.

I feel terrible for dropping her as she has been calling me a lot over the weekend but I've just ignored. But then I remember what she said!

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MusicToMyEars800 · 02/05/2017 11:33

Don't feel terrible OP, she is poisonous and dangerous, people like that are snakes and will wriggle their way in to your life and fuck things up! I would tell her straight, what the situation is and why you don't want to see her or speak to her again.

MyheartbelongstoG · 02/05/2017 13:51

The feeling bad doesn't last long music that's for sure.

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