SOoooo, confession time! Who is your 'one that got away'.

[Whatawaytomakealiving]

Do you look back and know you should be with someone else? Do you wish a relationship had developed further? Who ended it? Why did you make the choices you made? Have you any regrets; if no regrets have you dreams of what could have been?
I can remember as a twenty something listening to my fiancé talking on the telephone to a friend of ours that was announcing his engagement. I felt like I was actually going to faint. He couldn't be marrying someone else. He' cared for me, he was a soldier and we were penpals( hey remember those prior to social media). We had got to know him whilst on holiday. He was always there for me and I think I thought my 'back up plan'. I know I sound awful, it didn't feel like that. I think I was biding my time. I didn't end up with either of them, my RAF penpal or my fiancé.
What is your story?

Mine died in a car crash when we were 20, had been together since 14 at school. Never really gotten over it. Had two LTRs since (one of three years, one of 10 years). I never compared either of them to her but always there in the back of my mind "Where would I be now if she hadn't been killed? Would we have gotten married?"

Been single 7 years now and the more time passes the more I think she was "the one".

Mine was a gorgeous Canadian who I met when married to ex-h, he was absolutely perfect and we had a fling (my marriage was pretty much over) he wanted me to leave our jobs and move to Canada with him.

I got cold feet and broke it off...still think about him now. He's a Canadian fire fighter and still bloody gorgeous. I'm married to DH and sadly he'll never be on par with Mr Canada but treats me well and I love him dearly.

Dave.

I will always remember him.

Well I dunno about got away, because I wasn't what he was looking for - but totally lovely Irish guy, who was my best friend and just an all-round nice guy, interesting to talk to, kind, generous (good in bed...).

But, it was the height of the Troubles. He was Catholic, I was (a mainland British) protestant, he'd seen how hard his parents' mixed marriage had been, and he couldn't imagine marriage with someone who wasn't a fellow Catholic. (This is probably hard for people to get their head round now, but it made perfect sense back then, and I respected his decision).

Never had another boyfriend that nice, before or since.

We met when we were 14. We never got together as I was moving to a different country, but there was a mutual attraction. He found me almost 2yrs ago and the spark was still there, but we're both married with children. I'm in love with him, but due to circumstances we recently went NC. It's killing me, but what can I do!? He'll always be the one that got away

Thank you for sharing; I feel insensitive for asking as there is heartache and anguish for some of you. Apologies. Some really interesting relationships and background though.

Life does bring the unexpected and not always for the better.

My best friend, known each other for 10 years, always been in love with her, never had the balls to tell her as she is way out of my league, we have always both been there for each other through shit times and break ups, but she has her dream job now and is traveling the world, Haven't spoke to her for 3 months, but think about her most days

Mine was when I was 18 and my boyfriends best friends brother. I was in a long distance on/off relationship as he moved away and I struck up a close friendship with the brother. He was just such a cute, beautiful, lovely person.
When the time came I had to decide to move with boyfriend or stay, I chose my boyfriend and regretted it ever since. I regretted it instantly. It was totally the wrong choice and boyfriends best friends brother probably would have made me very happy, been a wonderful husband and father - that I hear he is now to the wife he adores. I just wish I was older and wiser. By the time it all went wrong like I knew it would, it was too late and he had met his wife to be

I have a couple, one was my brothers best friend who I'd fancied for ages. A few years later we had a snog and a fumble and he gave me his number. I left it a month or so before deciding to phone and apologise for not getting in touch. I didn't have the balls to phone him and thought he was out of my league. When I phoned I spoke to his flat mate who said he was on holiday. It was on that holiday that he met his now wife. I still hear a bit about him from my brother. He's hugely successful.

Another one was a friends brother who we kept on snogging/fumbling when we met up when out but we were too young to go for it properly and so just kept on mucking each other about. We're now both married (me not happily). We bumped in to each other a few years ago and there's definitely still sparks there. My mum came trotting back to me to join in the conversation as I think she spotted danger. I still dream about him occasionally. He wasn't good looking or anything there was just something about him.

*didnt have the balls to phone him before

I got mine back too! About 8 years later, we are married now :)

If you had asked me this in the past I would have said there were a couple of men who got away. I would think of them and feel a twinge of regret over what might have been.

Now I would say I've only ever had one "one" and that's my husband and I feel very lucky to have him.

In the past I was unhappy in myself and longed to be someone different and I think my longing for these other men was tied up with that and my Husband was somehow diminished in my eyes because he loved me just as I was. Once I did the work and got right with myself theses other men seemed insignificant to me (although I wish them only well) and my life. More importantly I was able to really love my husband on a whole deeper level because I felt worthy of the relationship and of his love.

I just posted this as I thought it might offer a different perspective.

Guy from Brighton. He went to Newcastle Poly and he liked The Wedding Present.
Does anyone know him?!

What a coincidence, I was going to start a similar thread!
I've spent the last ten days thinking about my ex, since I heard his wife is having a baby. We were a couple for four years at uni and he was besotted with me. I was never very happy with him but looking back, I think it was because I had many unresolved issues and not because I didn't love him enough. I was extremely insecure, terrified of committing to him, scared he would hurt me, and felt too young to settle down. He always accepted my evasive attitude, let me walk all over him. I was horrible to him and I despise the weak, cowardly person I was at the time.
After four years, he asked me to move in with him. I said I'd think about it. He didn't ask me again and I left him a few months later. For him, it was out of the blue. He'd never realised how unhappy I was. We never talked properly, the communication between us was nonexistent.
We kept seeing each other for six months after I left him, he was desperate to get back together but at the same time we both failed to solve the problems that had led to the split. I then moved to another country and we speak occasionally now.

I never really wanted to get back together with him but realising he really does love someone else now, coupled with the fact that I'm unhappy with my life at the moment, has made me question my decision to leave him. I keep thinking I'd be happier now if I'd stayed with him, even though I know that isn't true. I think it's a case of the grass being greener etc. I'd have wanted kids with him and as much as I love my 2 DC, they are the reason for my unhappiness at the moment, so I'd have ended up in the same situation.

cherry interesting post, I think you are right - in some cases, it's more about learning to find happiness within yourself and to love yourself for who you are, however stupid that sounds. I believe it's impossible to be happy in a relationship of you aren't happy with your life in general.

I have 2 and have just name changed so can knock myself out so as to speak! First one was filthy dirty in bed, anywhere and anything but only if you were up for it. He was funny, kind hard-working and intelligent, but its his willingness to try anything once I remember him for!

The next one was more serious. I was only 22, he had a child with someone else previously and decided to try to make a go of it with her. They were married for over 25 years in the end and split up about 5 years ago. Its now I wish I was free and maybe we could give it another go, perhaps this time would be the right time.

My first boyfriend from when I was 17. We split up when I went to university as he didn't want to do long distance. When I was 22 I moved home and we got back together for a short while but then he moved to London for work. Around 3 years ago we ended up dating again, just casually, but it ended as he was still living in London and I had not long left my marriage so was adjusting to single parent life.
He has since moved back to our home town but has got married and had a baby....
I do still think we'll end up together though, a bit like it's meant to be and the stars will align and it'll be awesome.
Although, we have tried 3 times and 3 times it hasn't worked out so maybe I should give up that particular hope

I'm very happily married now and don't ever want to be with anyone else. But when I met my now dh I'd been having a casual relationship with someone else. He was full of "I don't know what I want, it's not you it's me" and all the other cliches. Just as I met now DH, he started to change, he took me out rather than just coming round for sex, was suddenly happy to hold my hand and kiss me in public. I saw a side to him (in addition to those things) that made me think "what if...?" Ultimately I decided I didn't want to be messed around anymore, stopped seeing him and got together with DH. I don't regret that decision at all, DH is amazing. I suppose I just sometimes wonder what life would have been like with the other one. But I also wonder what life would have been like if I didn't have my first child as a teenager, if I hadn't left school at 16, if I'd had a proper career, all sorts of things,it doesn't mean I regret those decisions.

Yes, my brother's friend. When I was about 12/13, apparently he fancied me. When I got to about 14/15, I suddenly fell for him but by then he had a girlfriend. He was in the Merchant Navy and used to write to us as a family when he was away, but I was sure it was because of me really. When I was 16, he invited me out for a drink, and we had a kiss and a fumble. I thought he was honourable so he must have or be about to split up with his girlfriend. But no, he broke my heart by telling me he still loved her.

I only saw him once after that, unexpectedly at Schipol airport in Amsterdam where I was taking my husband for the weekend for his 40th birthday, and he was waiting to meet his wife (yes, her...) off the plane.

25 years later and my marriage is in it's dying days and I am wondering what happened to him, but I can't find anything about him.

Hare that just made me sob into my lunch how bloody sad :(

Yes, I haven't seen him for 12 years and I think of him every single day.

We live in the same town and his wife is very well known amongst my friends due to the job she does. She's beautiful, and very deserving of him. Her Facebook is fully open, again due to her job, and they have the perfect life, I'm really happy for them both. I was an utter bitch to him, he really was my soul mate and I threw it all away. He deserved better and he found her.

I feel empty and an overwhelming sense sadness when I see their photos on my timeline. He is perfect, his wife and children are very lucky.

The reason I threw it all away is because I met my DD's dad and cheated on him. It was pure lust and my god did we have a physical attraction. Neither of us really had any feelings for eachother except that feeling of butterflies in your tummy when you're instantly attracted to someone. The chemistry was intense between us. I got pregnant with DD and messed that up too. She's 13 now and hasn't seen him since she was 8 months old. We've been messaging again recently after he asked for a DNA test for child maintenance purposes. We're meeting up next week to arrange contact between the two of them, I feel sick. I've got that butterfly feeling in my tummy. I'm hoping the chemistry has gone...

When my DD was 18 months I met my now H. He was abusive in every way, and I've had 11 years of hell with him. I'm seeing a solicitor and filing for divorce this week.

So now more than ever I'm thinking of these two men from my past who I've lost. I'm so, so sad about it. My life with my H was horrific, neither of my two ex's were like that. They were both very loving and gentle, I didn't have any chemistry with my H but I think I was desperate to be loved and desperate for more children. Instead I was a verbal punchbag and treated appallingly.

I was really good friends with one guy, I haven't allowed myself to think about him for ages. He was always there to cheer me up after yet another dating/relationship disaster had come crashing to an end. I jokingly forced him into a pact that we would try and have a go at being together if we were both still single at 35years old. He remembered and contacted me when he turned 35 and said "I'm ready". I bottled it and laughed it off as I was only joking.
The reason I bottled it is because he was desperate to have at least two kids, I can't have kids. He did say he was open to adopting but I didn't believe him and couldn't risk being rejected because of my infertility. He contacted me 6months ago and tried to arrange to meet up. So I know he's still interested.....

GanawMe I'm so sorry. I hope this is a corner turned for you and you get away from your H and move ever upwards! Wishing you all the best

Nurse I hope you find the courage to give him a chance

Thanks Fizzy, H has already moved out so that's one hurdle down. I don't feel sad about my marriage ending at all, it's just a feeling of relief. I do feel sad for all the wasted years I had with him though.