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Original poster

Should I stay for financial benefits?

67 replies

MrsGlennRhee · 01/05/2017 09:30

This will be a divider guys n gals.

My partner and I are on the verge of a break up. He doesn't really know it but it's definitely approaching. He cheated about a year ago and things just haven't been the same since and it's almost like we're just friends who love together now.

Anyway here's the thing..

He's very financially comfortable. He happened to fall into a very well paying job a few years back. Neither of us have any qualifications so him landing this job was great. I've unfortunately just been laid off at my minimum wage job, but he says it's fine and that his wages will cover everything and I'll find another job soon.

I don't think we should be together anymore. It's just not working.
However... he told me that next month he's be buying me driving lessons and a car. I'm 32 and have never been able to afford driving lessons etc.

I know this sounds fucking horrible and I would totally be using him.. but I wanna wait until after I've got my car to break up?

I would pay him back for the car (obviously would have to be in instalments)

It's just a really bad moral dilemma. I know what's the right thing to do.. but I've honestly been trying to save for driving lessons for years and there's always something that comes up etc.

I'm not posting here to get nasty replies please x

OP posts:
Guiltypleasures001 · 01/05/2017 11:28

I'de do it and I wouldn't judge you for it, I'de probably see it as pay back, no ones perfect we do what we have to do sometimes to survive.

loveyoutothemoon · 01/05/2017 11:29

If someone had cheated on me, yes I would do that.

User2468 · 01/05/2017 11:41

If you don't love someone, walk away.

I did and I left myself in an awful financial position, I nearly went under, but I couldn't have stayed just because it was financially comfortable. That would have been cruel for both of us, I certainly wouldn't have stayed because there was a financial reward in it.

If you're going to leave, go now with a free conscience.

EatsLeavesAndShit · 01/05/2017 11:42

If he's willing to pay for a car for you now why not just get him to pay off the loan you got buying him a car and then call it quits?

HappyJanuary · 01/05/2017 11:49

Women post on here all the time saying that they're financially trapped in a bad relationship, and the advice is almost always to bide your time and get your ducks in a row.

Given the circumstances - the affair, your vulnerable financial position - I don't think there's anything wrong with sticking around while you plan your future. Pay the debt down, look for a job, take the driving lessons, then leave in a stronger position.

If he was a decent man he wouldn't deserve your deceit, but he isn't and he does.

PaintingByNumbers · 01/05/2017 11:53

as EatLeaves says, get him to.pay back that loan first!

expatinscotland · 01/05/2017 11:54

I'd take him for all he was worth until it suited me.

RandomMess · 01/05/2017 12:00

I think you need him to clear the £5k of debt that is in your name!!!

Alfieisnoisy · 01/05/2017 12:04

I couldn't do it personally.

Would you feel okay with yourself afterwards? I would feel too guilty to cope with it.

Adora10 · 01/05/2017 12:06

God what horrible responses, take him for all he's got etc; just to get bloody driving lessons, really, how bloody sad is that, maybe different if he was offering you a brand new car, house, but driving lessons, how about standing on your own two feet and feeling proud you did it yourself without USING someone - and just cos he cheated doesn't make it right either, you should have ended it then, now you are using that as excuse to fleece him, that's lovely.

Huskylover1 · 01/05/2017 12:08

Why hasn't he cleared the £5k debt? That certainly needs doing asap.

Isetan · 01/05/2017 12:26

Two wrongs don't make a right but if integrity isn't way up on your list, then knock yourself out. Double up on contraception.

UpYerGansey · 01/05/2017 12:44

Get the debt paid back.

Cricrichan · 01/05/2017 13:10

Book yourself in for intensive driving lessons and then leave.

MyheartbelongstoG · 01/05/2017 13:43

Where is your self respect.

Pay for your own lessons and car.

HappyJanuary · 01/05/2017 14:56

Easy to tell her to find some self respect and pay for her own.

She's lost her job, is paying out on a £5k debt that he ran up, needs to house herself and just generally get back on her feet.

Basically he fucked the relationship up but she's the one back living with her parents, unemployed and servicing someone else's debt.

He, presumably, will be doing fine given his high paying new job.

If all she takes from him is driving lessons, he's doing well.

isitjustme2017 · 01/05/2017 15:25

I'm not sure if I would do this but in no way judging you. He's behaved badly towards you and you have also helped him out in the past.
I think, if you decide to go ahead and accept the lessons and car, when you do break up with him you should offer to pay him back. I don't see anything wrong with that at all.

ImperialBlether · 01/05/2017 15:37

Who was paying back that loan? Is it still outstanding?

thethoughtfox · 01/05/2017 18:24

You understand that you won't get to dump him and walk away / drive away with his car?

TheNaze73 · 01/05/2017 18:52

What a dreadful thread

NoFuckingRoomOnMyBroom · 01/05/2017 18:59

He needs to clear the debt you need to find some self respect Hmm
He cheated, yes he's a shit but you took him back so thinking it's ok to use him now as payback is really shit.
Get a fucking job & pay for your own driving lessons & car.

Isetan · 01/05/2017 19:01

Choosing to take on somebody else's debt and forgiving their infidelity doesn't entitle the OP.

Patriciathestripper1 · 01/05/2017 19:05

Do it.
Once a cheating cunt always a cheating cunt. I'd call it payback and not give him anything for the car back either. Think of it as compensation For wasting your time on someone who was sticking it in someone else whilst you were doing the cooking, cleaning and being supportive to his cheating arse.

MyheartbelongstoG · 01/05/2017 19:05

Happy, its also easy for her to find her own self respect. Very easy.

Sort out the loan and then pay your own way.

Original poster
MrsGlennRhee · 01/05/2017 19:23

I knew I'd get thrashed for this post.

I am looking for a job. I've actually got 2 interviews this week.
But I am obviously financially dependant on him.

And people seem to have come to the conclusion that I'm doing this as some sort of revenge or as a final 'fuck you'.
I'm considering not leaving yet because he's offered to do this for me and our lives are not unbearable together, we get along, but the love has gone.
And yes I did take him back - we were both in a vulnerable state. Maybe not the best choice but I can't change that now.

I wouldn't be able to do this on my own for a long time - he is offering to pay for it and book it all. And he'll be spending probably around £700 on a second hand car (which is what I said I'd want)

In regards to the loan, he hasn't payed me back BUT he pays for majority of the household bills etc. The debt is solely in my name and I can only afford £10 per month but with the interest charges I never get any closer to clearing it.

OP posts: