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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Ready to go

53 replies

Fightorflight456 · 30/04/2017 17:12

So Im travelling at the moment with my partner. Its obvs tough spending lots of time together, so wd have got through the bickering & silly stuff. Tonight we argued (after drinking) & he stormed off. He has now been gone for 3 hrs & I have no idea where he is. This is the 2nd time this has happened so far.

My gut is telling me to go home. I dont feel safe when he does this.

Not sure what im expecting, but good to type xxx

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 30/04/2017 18:02

How far away from home are you? Your partner is acting like a spoilt child. I'd be furious if I were you.

KingofnightvisionKingofinsight · 30/04/2017 18:40

Why is it "obviously" hard to spend a lot of time with your partner on holiday? That is not at all the norm in my experience. I've traveled with my DH for weeks and it's lovely, with no more than an occasional disagreement. We argue a bit more in everyday life because we are stressed out about other things.

KingofnightvisionKingofinsight · 30/04/2017 18:40

So yes, you should go home and I think re-evaluate this relationship.

mumndad37 · 30/04/2017 18:41

IME traveling is a really good way to find out if you're actually compatible. It seems you're not, so it's lucky you know that now!!

I'd go home in a flash.

category12 · 30/04/2017 18:45

Hmmm, if you're travelling (as opposed to a holiday) and it's a life-long dream of yours, then consider going on alone rather than going home. You may not regret ending the relationship, but you might regret ending your travels.

Original poster
Fightorflight456 · 30/04/2017 18:57

Thanks for the replies.

The comnent about it obviously being hard is because in normal life we weren't together this much. Its been almost 4 months & the arguments have started.

Ive calmed down, but he is back now & has been drinking more, so ive come for a walk.

Very far from home, so looking at flights at the moment to see if its possible for me to carry on alone, or just go home.

Xxx

OP posts:
Original poster
Fightorflight456 · 30/04/2017 19:54

Another argument, ending with a smashed glass & a threat to 'smack my face in'.

Decision made.

OP posts:
isitjustme2017 · 30/04/2017 19:59

Please get away from him. No idea how long you have been together but he is taking advantage of the fact you are alone with him, miles from home. Has he behaved like this before?
This is not good OP and you're not safe WITH him, never mind when he disappears. Sort out a flight on your own, either home or somewhere else.

innagazing · 30/04/2017 20:58

Get your stuff together without him knowing, and go to another town/ city and check into a hotel for a few days before deciding whether to travel some more on your own. Tell someone to tell him after you've gone, that you have gone, so he knows you've not been kidnapped! Even just go to a safe resort somewhere for a few weeks so you don't have to go home so abruptly, as the thought of re entering 'normal' life needs a bit of time to adjust, and you want to be in the right frame of mind.
Let us know how you're doing. Good luck!

Original poster
Fightorflight456 · 30/04/2017 21:28

Thank you. I went for a walk & when I cane back there was a hole in the wall of our bungalow/hut. He must have punched it. He was still drinking gin. Hes asleep now. Im sat outside, trying to work out what the hell to do.

OP posts:
ohfourfoxache · 30/04/2017 21:31

How far are you from the airport (asssuming that's the best way home)? Could you pack whilst he's asleep and just get to the airport and wait until you can be squeezed onto a flight?

QuiteLikely5 · 30/04/2017 21:34

You know what the right thing to do is.

He will never change - you might love him but believe me if you stay with him you will be a shadow of yourself - he will ruin your esteem and confidence.

deste · 30/04/2017 21:37

I'd go in and pack your stuff up, passport, money etc and get up first thing and leave. Do you think you will be safe to stay the night.

Original poster
Fightorflight456 · 30/04/2017 21:51

Yeh im safe. Bag packed & passport etc sorted. Just need a cash point as soon as I can, so I can get a taxi to the airport.

Its almost sunrise here, so waiting until its a bit more of a normal time to leave.

Airport is a long journey, but I know how to get there, so feel fine doing that alone

Thanks again x

OP posts:
BifsWif · 30/04/2017 22:01

Just go now OP, go home to your family.

Pick up your travels against a later date if you wish, but get away from this man.

Original poster
Fightorflight456 · 30/04/2017 22:07

He'll say I pushed him to it, I know he will. Im not blameless, but I didn't make him throw a glass, or punch the wall.

Leaving before the owner gets up & sees the damage. Im so embarressed.

OP posts:
Gah81 · 30/04/2017 22:12

I have no advice but just wanted to say look after yourself. Sounds like you are doing the right thing. Sending Flowers.

P.s. if you can, do leave before he wakes up so he can't try to wheedle you out of this (if that is the kind of thing he does!).

ohfourfoxache · 30/04/2017 22:14

Just be safe. It doesn't matter what the owner thinks, the important thing is that you get away from this tosser in one piece

BifsWif · 01/05/2017 14:29

How are you now OP?

UndersecretaryofWhimsy · 01/05/2017 14:33

Hi OP, definitely just be safe. Get away from this man ASAP and don't tell him where you're going. He is not safe for you. Up to you if you choose to go home or to continue travelling alone, but please don't stay.

Fwiw I travelled for 6 months with DH, together 24/7, and we barely argued at all and had a lovely time. Another pair of friends cut what was meant to be a year-long trip short because they split up. Travelling doesn't cause arguments, it just reveals incompatibilities that were there already and that you were ignoring. Your other half sounds abusive and/or like he has a problem with alcohol.

ImperialBlether · 01/05/2017 14:38

I would go and I wouldn't tell him where I was going, either.

Travelling is a great way to find out if you're compatible. Thank god you found out after just a few months that he's a violent bellend.

Original poster
Fightorflight456 · 01/05/2017 14:48

Thanks for the replies.

So I stayed awake all night. Then got up & left for the cash point. He turned up & screamed in my face again. I honestly think hes lost the plot.

Flight home booked, although he is also cutting his travel short.

Time to get to my mums & lick my wounds for a bit. Haven't told my friends that im coming back yet. Im embarressed!,

OP posts:
BifsWif · 01/05/2017 15:17

Embarrassed why? For having the strength to know that this relationship is harmful? For walking away from a potentially dangerous situation? For knowing your worth and not accepting this shit?

UndersecretaryofWhimsy · 01/05/2017 15:22

I can understand why you're embarrassed, but please do hold your head up high. Some day you will be proud of having had the strength and courage to put yourself first, which is not easy to do. Flowers and have a smooth trip back.

ImperialBlether · 01/05/2017 15:26

Is he going back on the same flight?

Do you have a home back here or did you move everything to your mum's?

Oh and if I were your mum I'd be really glad you were back and had got yourself out of that situation.