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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Ready to go

53 replies

Fightorflight456 · 30/04/2017 17:12

So Im travelling at the moment with my partner. Its obvs tough spending lots of time together, so wd have got through the bickering & silly stuff. Tonight we argued (after drinking) & he stormed off. He has now been gone for 3 hrs & I have no idea where he is. This is the 2nd time this has happened so far.

My gut is telling me to go home. I dont feel safe when he does this.

Not sure what im expecting, but good to type xxx

OP posts:
ohfourfoxache · 01/05/2017 15:29

You have absolutely nothing to be embarrassed about. Nothing. Nada. Nowt.

Where are you now? Are you safe? Is he on the same flight?

Emmageddon · 01/05/2017 15:32

Don't be embarrassed, tell your friends why you've cut your travels short, they will be supportive. You have nothing to be embarrassed about, you recognised that you had to get yourself out of there.

One of my children is travelling at the moment, currently in Vietnam, and if they suddenly came home because it had all gone wrong, I would be ready with a cup of tea, a big hug, and a shoulder to cry on.

Original poster
Fightorflight456 · 01/05/2017 15:48

These messages are lovely, thank you everyone.

Yep, same flight. When he found me at the cash point he shouted ALOT. Then disappeared for 5 mins. When he came back he was slightly calmer & said, 'right, I always said we would stay until it stopped being fun, so i'll book our flights'

I think he wanted me to say no, but I just said 'great, thank you' so tomorrow its time to leave. It feels very strange!

I dont have a place at home, but mum will be waiting for me at her place with a blanket & tea. (maybe wine & cake too)!

OP posts:
innagazing · 01/05/2017 15:50

You have absolutely nothing to be embarrassed about! If you don't have to go into massive details with anyone if you don't want to, just tell them you ran out of patience money!
If he's cutting his travels short, does that mean you're travelling home together? Please be careful about staying with him-Is it possible he's having a bit of meltdown/breakdown? It's fairly common for this to happen when travelling, and sometimes underlying mental health problems can show up for the first time, even resulting sometimes in a psychotic state developing-perhaps due to not having the safety of 'normal' everyday life around, or sometimes too much smoking strong weed etc. I'm not saying this is the case, but if it is, then you need to take extra care that you aren't in isolated places with him, without other people that can help if need be. Maybe think about sleeping in separate accommodation if your not headed straight to the airport. Hope you get home without any further hassle, and I expect your family will be very pleased indeed to have you home again.

innagazing · 01/05/2017 15:54

Cross posts!
Pleased to hear your update. Make sure you've got your ticket in your pocket, not his.
Just get yourself straight to the airport and hang out there if he kicks off again, even if it means you've got ages to wait!
Maybe book in separately so you don't have to sit together?

Prawnofthepatriarchy · 01/05/2017 15:56

Came to this late but didn't want to read and run. I think you're doing the right thing, and congratulate you on being so clear headed and decisive.

Thank heavens you found this out at this point in your relationship, not a baby or two later!

yetmorecrap · 01/05/2017 15:57

Right decision OP

Topseyt · 01/05/2017 16:00

Nothing to be embarrassed about. HE is the one who should be embarrassed because of his appalling behaviour, not you.

It is a shame you are on the same flight, but perhaps when you check in you might be able to get seated many rows apart.

Don't let him come and stay at your Mum's with you when you get back.

lifesjoys · 01/05/2017 16:05

How long have you both been together OP?

He sounds like he's unstable, I'm glad you made the decision to leave.

ohfourfoxache · 01/05/2017 16:24

Definitely get separate seats. You really really don't want to sit next to that on a long flight

Original poster
Fightorflight456 · 01/05/2017 17:20

I definitely think that the travelling has taken its toll on him. Keeps saying today that he is under too much pressure etc etc.

He wont be welcome at my mums, but he has somewhere to go anyway.

Feeling surprisingly ok at the moment. I think its survival mode. Will have a big cry when im back.

This trip was always going to be a test for our relationship. It failed!

Now I need to get my engagement ring off without causing a big scene/argument

OP posts:
Original poster
Fightorflight456 · 01/05/2017 17:22

Ps - been together almost 3yrs. But always had niggling doubts if im honest. When its good its good, but the bad outweighs it a lot of the time.

OP posts:
ohfourfoxache · 01/05/2017 17:47

Can you take it off and put it in his luggage?

innagazing · 01/05/2017 17:52

Don't give him the ring back til you're back home- you don't need the hassle of him getting more stressed and possibly belligerent.
Just keep it cool now, for your own safety and well being, and his really if his mental health is going downhill..
How long til you fly now?

category12 · 01/05/2017 17:56

Leave the ring on until you're home safe, it's not the time for gestures. Make sure you have your ticket/passport etc on you at all times.

When you're home with mum, then worry about rings and such.

Original poster
Fightorflight456 · 01/05/2017 18:03

Good advice, thank you.

Flight leaves in 9 hrs, & im a few hours from airport, so going to get a little bit of sleep now if I can

Thanks again

OP posts:
AnnaThursday · 01/05/2017 20:22

Sorry you're having such a bad time, OP.
Try and keep calm and not rise to any baiting by him - if you're
deemed to be 'trouble' you could be barred from flying. Be aware too
that even if it's him that is kicking off you could be lumped in
with him as as not worth the risk for the airline.

Original poster
Fightorflight456 · 02/05/2017 02:22

Thanks Anna. We boarding the flight soon.

Things have been very subdued & not alot said between us last night or on the way here.

We are sat together on the plane, but as I haven't slept for 2 nights, im just looking forward to 12 hrs of sleep!

OP posts:
Silverdream · 02/05/2017 06:15

I hope the journey goes smooth for you and you could get some sleep. Won't be long before you're at your mums. Flowers

AnnaThursday · 02/05/2017 09:59

You're welcome. Have a good journey - won't be long now till
you can have a great big sigh of relief and a nice cup of tea. Smile Flowers

ohfourfoxache · 02/05/2017 11:37

Hope you've had a good flight Thanks

hellsbellsmelons · 02/05/2017 11:59

I hope you are home safe and sound soon with your mum there to support you.
Sorry it's gone wrong but you've done the right thing.

Beelzebop · 02/05/2017 12:22

Wow! At this point I can't add anything useful but we'll done you handled this so well xx

ANewDawn · 02/05/2017 17:11

FlowersWineCakeBrew in whatever order you think appropriate.

Original poster
Fightorflight456 · 03/05/2017 10:41

Im back, at last. & have finally had some sleep.

Thank you again for the posts.

At the moment im numb. I think my mum was expecting a cry wreck of a daughter, but ive not shed a tear since that horrible night. Not that I can remember anyway, it is all such a blur.

I dont know if the numbness is because I knew things weren't right, so I was waiting for this to happen, or if its a temporary thing, & the flood gates will open when ive processed it.

I have no job, no car, only a tiny bit of money, but I dont care (yet). Its weird.

OP posts: