what narcissists say and what it really means

[greenberet]

good article here

blogs.psychcentral.com/narcissism-decoded/2017/04/how-to-translate-narcissist-speak/

these featured heavily in my marriage

Stop psychoanalyzing me, I’m sorry you got upset You are too sensitive

and during my divorce - numerous times

You can trust me

You don't just become an emotional wreck without some reason
True, but the reason might not be because of the behaviour of the current (male or female) partner. It could be...

Hormone contraception
Unrelated mental health issues
Baggage from events unrelated to the current partner
PTSD unrelated to current partner

That is true, WhatALoad. But I think the underlying and insidious stress that a narc causes can and will exasperate or trigger other conditions that may have remained dormant otherwise.

It's miraculous how much my mental health improved after mine was arrested.

I'm surprised that some of you have talked about an actual manipulator / narc diagnosis. How on earth does this happen? Don't those affected almost always deny, deflect, project onto others?
Just curious -well shot of mine-

Excellent article. My husband has said many of those things. I told him he is a narcissist & he told me I didn't even know what it meant. Sums it all up really.

Considering approximately 6.5% of the population is diagnosed with Narcissistic Personality Disorder, it always amazes me how many people of MN know someone who has it.

this says it all - if only they could see how they contradict themselves!

If a woman is trusted to pick up the pieces and raise the children then there is no way she is all the crap the idiot who left the children there says she is and he should shut his mouth and respect the mother of his children forthwith.

whataload do you have personal experience?

agree all these
Hormone contraception Unrelated mental health issues Baggage from events unrelated to the current partner PTSD unrelated to current partner could cause MH issues but a non narc would help someone work through these issues and not label them an emotional wreck because of them.

My X wanted to leave me when I went through PTSD unrelated to current partner because I was no longer the same person - more fool me for encouraging him to stay - although my kids were the blessing!

squishee yes this Don't those affected almost always deny, deflect, project onto others?

My X had counselling - being an "expert manipulator" he was able to get his counsellor onside and basically came away having it reinforced that I am the "emotional wreck" and the cause of all his unhappiness.

We had one session of joint counselling the day before he left - he told the counsellor that I had to trust him financially even though he had been concealing an affair for 6 months - my divorce outcome speaks for itself ! I carried on with the joint counsellor - it was several sessions in before she raised him being a narcissist and I had already had my suspicions.

I went to my GP many times asking am i going mad - he told me the very fact that I am questioning myself was enough for it not to be me.

restless unless they want help and want to change the level of those officially diagnosed will remain low - as to admit to this behaviour takes more guts than most of these men have put together - all we can do is educate each other and our children to what is a healthy relationship and hopefully at some point they will find themselves alone and will have no option but to reflect.

these are on another thread

thenarcissisticlife.com/the-narcissist-blames-you/

www.psychologytoday.com/blog/beautiful-minds/201103/do-narcissists-know-they-are-narcissists

www.wikihow.com/Identify-Being-a-Narcissistic-Extension

and in relation to this question on another thread where the courts say you must encourage a relationship You have a child with them, so are linked for life. What can you possibly do to minimise their toxic effects on your child/ren?

this is the best answer i have seen from donners
'children need fathers blah blah' chat i always say "change the word father to abuser and then see if you feel the same'

the courts do not have to deal with the ongoing issues as a result of a narc father!

My ex didn't have a diagnosis but he did have all these behaviours and that's the important thing. We've been separated for over two years now after a long marriage and the damage he did to me is still revealing itself.

I'm having EMDR therapy which is helping a lot. Reading this thread and the links is reminding me of so much particularly the terrifying, unpredictable rages over nothing. With time I'm also realising how much he controlled and manipulated me and how deliberate it all was and that he really didn't see me as a person with my own rights or needs at all. I was just a function of his dysfunction.

He's monstrous, really. He knew what he was doing and I was just an object to be used. I'm glad to come across threads like this as it affirms my own perceptions and helps me feel less isolated with it.

My ex didn't have a diagnosis but he did have all these behaviours and that's the important thing.

I think this is key. I understand why people object to armchair diagnoses. My exH does not have a diagnosis of NPD, and I'm not competent to diagnose him, and nor do I think a diagnosis would help. However, to understand the very confusing dynamic created by people like this, we need some kind of shared vocabulary, to help us see patterns.