NC
My DH & I split about 18 months ago - we had been together for 25 years. Our marriage was quite good on the whole although he was very controlling - I wasn't allowed out with friends, if we were on holiday & he didn't like the resort we had to leave & fly home, if he didn't like the tone of my voice he didn't speak to me for a week etc. We married very young & I never realised this wasn't normal behaviour despite friends trying to tell me.
About 6 months before the end of our marriage he suggested meeting couples for swaps. I was obviously reluctant but didn't want to incur his anger. We met a couple of couples. During this time I came to realise I didn't love him anymore & told him. he refused to accept what I was saying & just kept telling me I needed to try harder & love would come back.
Completely wrongly I embarked on an affair (not with anyone from the couples) - he found out & I moved into my own property with eldest DC while youngest DC stayed.
Dh took the break up very very badly - endless suicide attempts, tried to suffocate me with cling film, destroying my goods,tried to strangle me.
To this day he asks me on a daily basis to get back together.
I am still with the OM & he makes me very happy.
Youngest DC has always been a 'naughty' child constantly getting into trouble since primary school (15 now). He won a place to very good private school (at 11) but DH withdrew him as 'he wasn't paying for a better class of detention'.
He has now gone completely off the rails getting into very serious trouble. He doesn't seem to be afraid of the consequences of his actions.
Last night he came to dinner so I could discuss his latest trouble - he got really really upset, raised his fist to me & shouted "if you hadn't had an affair we would still be a family & I wouldn't do what I'm doing"
I was obviously horrified, notified, disgusted with myself & desperately sorry for him.
He walked out.
I love him so much but am struggling with his words & feel the only solution is to go back to being a family unit. He is seeing a counsellor today.