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Original poster

Should I pay for my husbands taxi fair for airport pickup

67 replies

Bristhi123 · 26/04/2017 12:48

Hello All,

I have been married for almost a year. I don't have a car so I am unable to pick up my husband and his family members from the airport.

I live with him and his family and although we don't pay bills (except contribution towards food) I do the house work (share with others).

I don't rely on my husband financially. However since the wedding planning started I have noticed that he expects me to pay for things that we as a couple need. He always has a way of getting out of it. My family paid for the wedding and his family gave me some gifts (as I gave him gifts) and spent the rest of the time complaining about how much they have spent.

I moved in with his family because he wanted to as it helps him financially (but it also helps me as we don't have to worry about rent) however I don't feel completely at home as I don't have the same privileges as others. for instance, others can pick on if they feel I have done something wrong, but I can never say anything back. They will also belittle my family (indirectly) and always get reminded of how amazing their family and relatives are. So I have to deal with these weird and awkward politics but generally they are nice. The other thing I have to deal with is they have a lot more expectations of me which I would never expect from my husband towards my family. for instance - they have relatives all over the world and they expect me to visit them and live with them for as long as necessary - but (although my husband never mentions this) I will be expected to financially look after myself and pay for my travels.

So I am dealing with a man who is lovely in everyway except when it comes to money - he resists spending money on things we need, he expects me to pay for things that benefits his family and sometimes expects me to pay for things he needs. I on the other haven't been able to ask him to buy things that I might need. He is afraid of me financially depending on him eventhough when we talk about it, he says he wants both to be able to depend on each other.

So I have become quite resistant to paying for things he needs (even though in a situation where I felt my husband respects the value of the money I earn- I would happily spend on him)...

I am posting here because I am not sure if I am wrong on this. Before my husband and his family members were flying out to a relatives wedding, they kept talking about how will they get home from the airport (I thought the solution is straightforward - book a taxi online - its cheaper than airport), and I knew they were waiting for me to offer paying for a taxi.

I chose not to because I don't believe I get the respect I deserve from them. My husband never mention it until recently whilst we were skyping he asked me playfully why can't I pick him up? He didn't ask "would it be okay for you to pick us up". I responded by saying "it will cost a lot (as we live quite far from the airport) for me to get a taxi to go to the airport and then bring you all back, instead why don't you get a taxi from the airport?" to which he responded "in that case I am not getting you a gift as my luggage will get heavy"... I told him what he is doing is making me feel really awkward as he is being really rude. But he thinks there is nothing wrong with what he is doing and only I am making it awkward.

So what do you think?

I must state that I gave him a piece and a half following his comments over skype but currently we are avoiding each other - which is easy as he is millions of miles away.

Thanks

OP posts:

UrsulaPandress · 27/04/2017 08:26

What on earth first attracted you to this man?

It is clear there are some cultural expectations from his family but I cannot see how you can put up with this long term.

LIZS · 27/04/2017 08:37

Why would you have to make the airport run if you don't drive If they can afford the trip they should factor in cost of the taxi journey home. Frankly I'm not sure why you are staying, it doesn't bode well for the future.

Crumbs1 · 27/04/2017 08:43

This sounds as if the families are culturally not British but living in U.K.where expectations are different and less defined.
I would suggest a joint bank account for spending on family costs and a discussion around expectations. I think you might have to move into your own place for your marriage to work.

springydaffs · 27/04/2017 09:32

My BIL is like this and he's British through and through.

It seems clear this set -up is not traditionally English. In which case, most posters will not understand it. Have you spoken to people from this culture who would have more of a handle on it? Tho you have one poster who does understand this culture and even they think it's batshit.

It sounds to me he is the favoured son, whose mummy, and the women in the family in general, slave about for his nibs. You're expected to follow suit and cater for the royal presence.

Well fuck that. Though i doubt he'll convert easily tbh. He's lorded it about his whole life, genuinely thinks this is how life is. There are enormous benefits for him.

If he doesn't want to share [his money] he shouldn't have got married. You've effectively married a 12yo boy op.

Isetan · 28/04/2017 13:50

Him and his family see you as an ATM that also cooks and cleans. He doesn't necessarily want you to collect him but he does want you to pay and rather than straight out ask for the money, he is prepared to make pathetic attempts to save face he will manipulate you, even it costs you twice as much.

His gift comment was petty and shows you the type of man child you married.

You are a convenience and when you stop being a convenience, the few times they currently act like compassionate humans, will be a distant memory.

This is who he is, an entitled man child and you are going to spend married life placating him in the hope that he grows up.

StrangeAndUnusual · 28/04/2017 14:04

Escape now! You sound very nice and he sounds manipulative and unpleasant. You deserve much bette.r

fc301 · 28/04/2017 20:02

You are being exploited in your current situation. Sorry x

eurochick · 28/04/2017 20:41

Get out before you get pregnant cos then you will be tied to this twat long term.

Onecutefox · 28/04/2017 20:53

OP, please, put your foot down and either ask your DH to leave separately from his parents or leave him. He is married to his parents not to you.

Welldoneme · 28/04/2017 21:43

He sounds a bit childish to me and may even feel threatened by your ability to be financially independent.

I would move out and start to grow a backbone if this was me.
Btw, don't get pregnant other wise your life could be hell.

PunkrockerGirl · 28/04/2017 21:54

He's an abusive twat and his family are enabling him.
He'll never change. Get out while you can quickly
He neither loves nor respects you.

RunRabbitRunRabbit · 28/04/2017 22:06

Make sure your contraception is fantastic.

Save your money.

See how it all pans out.

Pipachi · 29/04/2017 00:51

He doesn't necessarily want you to collect him but he does want you to pay and rather than straight out ask for the money, he is prepared to make pathetic attempts to save face he will manipulate you, even it costs you twice as much.

Isetan is spot on

Motoko · 29/04/2017 01:46

It doesn't look like the OP's coming back.

thelikelylass · 29/04/2017 09:41

This is not normal. Listen to all the advice and take it.

DonaldStott · 29/04/2017 10:45

Oh my word. Bizarre. He sounds like a twat. I would leave him and his tight arse family to it.

hippyhippyshake · 29/04/2017 10:53

I think I would Skype him and say you're going away for the weekend but you need him to pay for the hotel and taxi there and back. It would be less bizarre than his request. But as others have said - GET OUT NOW! Once you start a family it will only get worse; leave while you still have your sanity.

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