Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Should I pay for my husbands taxi fair for airport pickup

67 replies

Bristhi123 · 26/04/2017 12:48

Hello All,

I have been married for almost a year. I don't have a car so I am unable to pick up my husband and his family members from the airport.

I live with him and his family and although we don't pay bills (except contribution towards food) I do the house work (share with others).

I don't rely on my husband financially. However since the wedding planning started I have noticed that he expects me to pay for things that we as a couple need. He always has a way of getting out of it. My family paid for the wedding and his family gave me some gifts (as I gave him gifts) and spent the rest of the time complaining about how much they have spent.

I moved in with his family because he wanted to as it helps him financially (but it also helps me as we don't have to worry about rent) however I don't feel completely at home as I don't have the same privileges as others. for instance, others can pick on if they feel I have done something wrong, but I can never say anything back. They will also belittle my family (indirectly) and always get reminded of how amazing their family and relatives are. So I have to deal with these weird and awkward politics but generally they are nice. The other thing I have to deal with is they have a lot more expectations of me which I would never expect from my husband towards my family. for instance - they have relatives all over the world and they expect me to visit them and live with them for as long as necessary - but (although my husband never mentions this) I will be expected to financially look after myself and pay for my travels.

So I am dealing with a man who is lovely in everyway except when it comes to money - he resists spending money on things we need, he expects me to pay for things that benefits his family and sometimes expects me to pay for things he needs. I on the other haven't been able to ask him to buy things that I might need. He is afraid of me financially depending on him eventhough when we talk about it, he says he wants both to be able to depend on each other.

So I have become quite resistant to paying for things he needs (even though in a situation where I felt my husband respects the value of the money I earn- I would happily spend on him)...

I am posting here because I am not sure if I am wrong on this. Before my husband and his family members were flying out to a relatives wedding, they kept talking about how will they get home from the airport (I thought the solution is straightforward - book a taxi online - its cheaper than airport), and I knew they were waiting for me to offer paying for a taxi.

I chose not to because I don't believe I get the respect I deserve from them. My husband never mention it until recently whilst we were skyping he asked me playfully why can't I pick him up? He didn't ask "would it be okay for you to pick us up". I responded by saying "it will cost a lot (as we live quite far from the airport) for me to get a taxi to go to the airport and then bring you all back, instead why don't you get a taxi from the airport?" to which he responded "in that case I am not getting you a gift as my luggage will get heavy"... I told him what he is doing is making me feel really awkward as he is being really rude. But he thinks there is nothing wrong with what he is doing and only I am making it awkward.

So what do you think?

I must state that I gave him a piece and a half following his comments over skype but currently we are avoiding each other - which is easy as he is millions of miles away.

Thanks

OP posts:
JakeBallardswife · 26/04/2017 14:51

I'd leave him to sort out his own arrangements, say you thought he was joking that he hadn't done it if he asks. Disbelief!

Level75 · 26/04/2017 14:53

The whole living with the in laws thing is (contrary to what many are saying here) pretty normal in some cultures. What's not normal is the weird money thing where you are expected to pay for their expenses. I think you need to sit down and have a proper chat about money with him/them.

Puddington · 26/04/2017 14:57

While I realise that living with in-laws is what is normal and expected in many cultures and can work out fine provided everyone is nice and considerate to one another, what the OP has described here sounds definitively toxic and unhealthy from both her husband and her husband's family. You definitely shouldn't pay for the taxi OP and I hope you can find a way out of this situation Flowers

user1489261248 · 26/04/2017 14:59

Oh wow this sounds awful. I'd sooner be single for life than tolerate this shit.

Why is the wife having to pay for ANYthing of the husband's? How odd and bizarre.

Do they not share finances etc?

Makes me grateful for what I have, and the marriage and culture I am in tbh.

Sorry OP, not much help to you I know. But what is happening sounds wrong and bad.

TheHodgeoftheHedge · 26/04/2017 15:04

That is just batshit crazy. Why would you ever a) pay for other people's cabs and b) go in a cab to pick someone up from the airport unless they were invalid?!!

UppityHumpty · 26/04/2017 15:09

Are you Indian/Pakistani/Bangladeshi? If so he might be hearing it from his parents about how they're 'concerned' about you having your own money and so wants you to spend it all. Other posters are right - you do need to move out.

Gazelda · 26/04/2017 15:13

Are you saving for your own place? Do you and/or your husband work? Where does the money go?

Wedrine4me · 26/04/2017 15:20

Eh. He doesn't contribute to your living costs but you are expected to subsidise him? Have I got that right? And you are asking us if this is ok or not?
Why on earth should you pay for their taxi? Is it in lieu of rent? Maybe they they think you owe them rent money? But your husband doesn't need to, he can keep all his money?

This is so far wrong that I just don't know what to say. Except if you are accepting this, what else are you accepting in the realationship that you don't even realise is wrong yet?

HandbagCrazy · 26/04/2017 15:33

How old are you? What is both of your work / financial situation?

On the face of it, his whole family (him included) are using you. They certainly don't treat you as one of their own. If I were you I would be seriously considering if you want the next 20 years of your life to be like this? And why you are with a man who refuses to look after himself. Who needs someone to get a taxi to the airport to pick them up FFS?

AssassinatedBeauty · 26/04/2017 15:46

There's nothing wrong with living with in laws, if everyone is kind and considerate, treating everyone with respect. But the OPs in laws are being weird toward her and odd about money. I don't think that's healthy irrespective of what culture you're from.

Viviene · 26/04/2017 15:47

I'm from a culture where it was customary to live with your parents or in laws. Some people from my generation still do that.

Even to me the whole situation seems bonkers. Run away, and run away fast and as far as you can.

Saralouise17 · 26/04/2017 16:15

Save your marriage not your money.

Paying out on rent is a pain but id take the financial hit any day rather than living with the in laws.

If you guys can afford it by the sounds of thing it may just save your marriage going on like this sounds like it is destroying it.

If I was you... I would pack some stuff and stay with your side of the family you have discussed.

I would like to see their faces when they come home and you aint in a cab with your pennys or at home.

They will soon realize they have been bully's and pushed you out.
DH may just need that wake up call too.

HouseworkIsASin10 · 26/04/2017 16:20

Wow, that is some controlling shit. You have to collect him in a taxi like he's some superstar Shock

Not liking the sound of your set up at home, I would get my own place. Don't compromise happiness just to save money.

blueskyinmarch · 26/04/2017 16:20

What a weird thing to ask. I can’t actually get my head round why they need you to be at the airport in the first place never mind pay to go there and back when you are not even away with them. I assume you have told him that you are absolutely not going to be waiting at the airport for their return?

hollyisalovelyname · 26/04/2017 16:38

Very different from the norm OP.
Are you in the UK.
Are you of the same cultural background as your husband?
Did you know him long before you married?

TheHobbitMum · 26/04/2017 16:39

This is completely Batshit crazy! WTF! I don't understand this at all, I'd get the hell away from all of them! This Childish and manipulative behaviour will only ever get worse, none of them have any respect for you and certainly not your husband! Do you really want a lifetime of this? It'll be horrendous when you have children! Seriously consider all your options

yetmorecrap · 26/04/2017 16:50

sorry, I have re read this again as I found it so odd and burst out laughing to myself at the responses. Im sorry OP , I do appreciate its upsetting and not at all funny for you. A lot of us can "get" if its a live with the in laws cultural thing by the way, it happens , particularly with Asian culture (dont know you are Asian but am presuming you are) -- What we cant quite "get" is the rock star way his family seem to expect you personally to "spend out" on them and tend to their "needs" Now if this is expected in lieu of paying rent etc, all well and good , provided "you" know thats the "score" and even then I think your husband should be paying as he has been away with them. Personally I would rather you and husband give them the rent money until you get out . All this definitely isnt at all normal or ok and noone seems to know what the financial obligations/responsibilities are and to whom. . I would be getting out as quick as I could, with or without him.

Bestthingever · 26/04/2017 19:59

I know in some cultures it's normal to live with the husband's parents but I've never heard of a dil in those cultures having to financially contribute in this way. They're taking the piss. I've never said this before - LTB.

Mo55chop5 · 26/04/2017 23:39

Run
Like
The
Fucking
Wind

expatinscotland · 26/04/2017 23:52

This man is abusive. You need to get away from him.

Aquamarine1029 · 27/04/2017 01:13

You married a man-child who will NEVER, EVER support you as a husband should. I beg you to leave this useless bastard.

PitilessYank · 27/04/2017 03:33

Does he feel that the fact that you both live rent-free with his family is his financial contribution, and that is why he expects you to pay for certain things?

sheepashwap · 27/04/2017 07:49

OP if you're in a financial position to rent, then just don't waste your life in this rubbish. He's not going to change because he's comfortable with his family's way of doing things. Rent somewhere alone (even if it's just a room in the short term!!) and get out.

Do not waste your life.

He does not need picking up from the airport, that's why taxis are stationed there. You're totally correct in your thinking..but look at you doubting yourself. Imagine what you'll be doubting in another year, two or ten. Harder to leave with kids - and then you'll ALWAYS have to have some contact with him and his family (who are talking badly about your family to your face, so inagine what they'll say to your kids when you're not around...).

RUN! (Before they get back from the airport ideally!!)

sheepashwap · 27/04/2017 07:50

And if you're not in the financial position to leave immediately, start planning. And use every form of contraception known to (who)man.

happypoobum · 27/04/2017 08:18

Sorry but this sounds awful and abusive.

If you have your own money I would get your own place and see how you feel when you are not living with them/him.

Do you love him?

I suspect if you stay you will soon be so poor you won't have the option to leave if/when you want to. And yes - absolutely do not get pregnant!!