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Original poster

Friend pushed/pinched & poked dd!

44 replies

bellarosa · 11/03/2007 21:59

Yesterday i went to lunch with dd1's godmother.
DD1 is a bit of a scallyway but nothing exceptional for a 25mnth old. She was eating her food rather messily and spat some out onto the carpet. Godmum then picked it up and shoved it into dd's mouth really hard!
Later dd was trying to get godmum's attention and was pulling on her clothes a bit and godmum shoved her really hard so that she fell over abd bumped her head on the table!
Then later dd was looking at godmums earrings and accidentally pulled it abit hard and godmum poked her in the eye!

I was so shocked by what she was doing, she seemed to think it was perfectly ok to do that to my daughter!
I was very embarrised by it and as she is one of my closest friends didnt really know how to handle it.

I probably should have said something at the time but was so dumbfounded.
God mum doesnt have any kids, but she is generally very good with them and loving.

Feeling very angry about it and dont know how to approach god mum about it.

what would you do/ advise?!

OP posts:

Saturn74 · 11/03/2007 22:02

I'd sack godmum immediately!
You were very patient in not saying anything to her at the time.
If it were me, then the godmother would be cooling rapidly under the patio by now!

I don't know what you could say to her really - is this behaviour something you'd be happy to forgive?
Do you think she would agree that she had done anything wrong?

Jennylee · 11/03/2007 22:02

tell her as nicely as you can that you cannot do that to children , it will not help your daughter who is very young anyway to behave, rather it will upset her and teach her that retaliation is okay so hitting and pinching and shoving are okay, also it disrespects you as it is your child and not her right to 'disipline her', i would be angry

scatterbrain · 11/03/2007 22:02

Oh. My. God. !!!

Shame you can't sack the godmum eh ??

Do you feel you want to have it out with her - or would avoiding her for a while do it for you ?

Absolutely apalling behaviour from her by the way !

Original poster

bellarosa · 11/03/2007 22:08

I have been getting more and more upset about all day.
She looks after the dd's a few times a week and i'm now really worried that she's doing this to them when i'm not around.
DD1 is very tall and quite verbally advanced for her age and is therefor often treated as being older than she is and i think that this could have something to do with the way godmum treats her, as if dd should know better and behave older than she does.

OP posts:

Original poster

bellarosa · 11/03/2007 22:10

today i had a friend and her two c's over, and dd1 kept pushing friends ds and even bit dd2! this is really out of character for her and i cant help but think that it has to do with what happened yesterday.

OP posts:

scatterbrain · 11/03/2007 22:12

No way would I leave my kids with her now - bloody hell - if she feels that's OK to do in front of you - what would she do when you're not there ??

Also - what kind of influence is she being ?? That it's OK to poke and pinch ?

Sorry - but you need an honest discussion with her and unless she agrees she is in the wrong and promises not to do it again - she's outof there !

It may just be ignorance - in that not havinh her own kids she thinks this is how to deal with them - but if she has them twice a week for you ???

Maybe it's how she was treeated as a child ??

Whetever ??? Protect your babies !!!

colditz · 11/03/2007 22:13

1 what would I do?

I'd have blacked her fucking eye! Seriously.

2 What should you do?

Tell her you don't want her to be Godmother any more, as she is violent and unpredictable. And that if she ever lays hand on your daughter again, you will have her charged with assault on a Minor.

I am so so surprised that there are people out there who think it's ok to do this to kids!

lulumama · 11/03/2007 22:13

she shoved food in her mouth, shoved her and poked her eye !!!! farking hell!!! why is she your DDs god mum ?

really , i would be wary of leaving my child with her TBH...

she has no kids of her own and clearly does not know how to deal with the normal ,minor irritations of toddlerhood.

did she say anything to you? anyone who did that to my DCs would feel the wrath of lulu, and no mistake !

she poked her eye !! FGS!

colditz · 11/03/2007 22:15

I would certainly not be leaving my child with her EVER again, or seeing her, actually.

How did you not rip her throat out?

lemonaid · 11/03/2007 22:16

She forced food into your DD's mouth, pushed her over and poked her in the eye in the course of a couple of hours when you were right there. No way on earth I would be leaving my children (or even a pet I was fond of) with her alone.

lulumama · 11/03/2007 22:16

right, am for you and your DD

you need to talk to her ASAP ! phone her up or go round !

she cannot be trusted with your child if this is how she behaves when you are there to see what happens

Original poster

bellarosa · 11/03/2007 22:17

yes i have to have it out with her thats for sure, but just wondering about how to go about it.
I do think it's ignorance on her part due to not having kids of her own, and also abit of her inner bully coming out!
We lived together at uni, she used to beat me up and pretend it was all part of a big old laugh we were having! one day i punched her back and she was so shocked! she never did it again, but was definatly a bullying tactic on her part i feel.

hmmm...

OP posts:

lulumama · 11/03/2007 22:18

she is a bully, and she has not changed or learnt from her behaviour
she used to smack you one, and now she is doing the same to a toddler......unacceptable

sort out different child care ASAP

colditz · 11/03/2007 22:19

I think, seriously, just send her a text message.

"Do not contact me again. You have overstepped the bounds of acceptability by physically abusing my child."

lulumama · 11/03/2007 22:20

how to go about it? well, you speak to her now or in the morning and say something like

'i am shocked and angry that you felt it was acceptable to physically chastise my daughter, for no good reason. I am concerned about leaving her in your care as i feel you are far too volatile and i am concerned you could snap and really hurt my daughter"

your child;s safety is more important than a friendship with this immature bully.

Posey · 11/03/2007 22:23

Totally speechless

Go round her house, ring on her doorbell, and when she opens the door, shove some food in her mouth, poke her in the eye, then push her on the floor making sure she bangs her head. Tell her in no uncertain terms that her services as godmother, childminder and bully are no longer required.

Walk away with your head held high.

Original poster

bellarosa · 11/03/2007 22:24

yes i told her when i left her house that i didnt need her help this week (a lie) as the thought of her alone with the dd's made me feel ill. I am going to have to ask dh's mum for some extra help whilst i find a childminder.

i think that i didnt have it out with her there and then is because i still feel quite intimidated by her if i'm honest with myself.

OP posts:

lulumama · 11/03/2007 22:25

crikey ! you feel intimidated by her!

good for you for taking DD out of her care

maybe write a letter if you cannot do a face to face thing

Original poster

bellarosa · 11/03/2007 22:32

it's more interlectually intimidated than physically, but the memorey of our 'play fights' still lingers. she also gave a mean chinese burn! remember them? my dad was good at those too!

the thing is, that other than this one incident (that i know of) she is a very gentle and kind loving person who has stuck by me through some very tough times.

maybe i just need to be very frank and honest with her about how i feel and offer to show her/ explain ways that one can coap with a toddler.

i just wish i had dealt with it there and then!

OP posts:

scatterbrain · 11/03/2007 22:35

I would go and see her without the children - tell her you want a serious chat with her. tell her that you are upset and shocked to have seen the way she treated your children. Tell her that it is not OK and is in fact cruel and mean.

Tell her that you can never trust her with your children again, and you are not at all sure that you can continue to be friends after this.

Then stand up and leave.

Up to her to get in touch and make it up to you then.

Sounmds to me like she has issues in her past - her problems though and not your kids problems !

Am seething on your behalf !

lulumama · 11/03/2007 22:35

i think that she could be a lovely friend in many ways, but the way she was with your DD was ill thought out, immature, aggressive and counter productive. if you still want to be friends, she needs to learn about looking after children, but i would not leave my child with her .....not after what you have seen..
you are in a difficult position, in the long run, you will be doing her a favour by telling her this is not acceptable.

Original poster

bellarosa · 11/03/2007 22:38

i just sent her a txt saying that i am feeling really unhappy about the way she treated dd yesterday and that i would like to talk to her about it as i feel that i need for her to understand the way i parent/dicipline my children is up to me and the way she physically handled dd was unacceptable.

eek!?

feel like this might open the flood gates..!

OP posts:

scatterbrain · 11/03/2007 22:40

It might - but it's got to be done !

Unacceptable !!!

Good luck !! Don't let her bully you by the way !

colditz · 11/03/2007 22:41

oh Lulumama

You're so much Nicer than me... I wish I could be that kind and thoughtful.

lulumama · 11/03/2007 22:42

not eeek!

not at all

if DH had pushed the DCs , poked their eyes.. we would seriously fall out..never mind a friend doing that !

you have done the right thing

if she becomes defensive, it is because she feels guilty and sh*tty and also because if she is a bully, she will rarely have been challenged .

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