Husband left me for mum of 1st child

[RogueAngel79]

RogueAngel79
I need to tell you my situation because you seem to have such good advice..., two weeks ago my H walked out on me, leaving 2 boys 9 6, after 12 year saying he isn't happy and needs time to think...2 conversation and him still saying he needs time cue yesterday, txt me saying he's gonna give it another go with the mother of 1st child (10) who only came bk into his life at Xmas because of me...he's been seeing her since February and living with her since the night he walked out......yesterday he changed his fb photo to him and her, and says he's happier than he ever had been.....I'm broken....can't sleep can't eat, I've blocked them on fb, but what do I do now, I feel I made this happen with being so pleased for his relationship with oldest son to go ahead I treated him like one of my own, all his things are gone and he's driving around in her car, and when we speak I can't get any sense, he hasn't even trying to work things out I'm so lost.......xx

Missed the bit about him having impregnated and abandoned a girl under the age of consent and that you knew this "a year into your relationship". And you were not revolted by this? It did not stop you from going on and having another child with him?

He only paid the Maintance beacuse of me, I told him to beacuse it wasn't fair on 1st not to, the man from this last two weeks isn't the man I married, I don't recognise him any more at all, he's done and said things I though we never would, why would a man I love hurt me so much?? I never did anything to him, all I did was love him xx 😢😢

You need to turn your thinking around now.

He left his previous 'partner' just after she gave birth.

She was under the age of consent and he was an adult.

He didn't pay maintenance until you urged him.

He didn't have contact until you intervened.

This man is a cunt. I bet if you're honest with yourself there were signs all the way through.

Don't dwell on the past - make plans, file for divorce and get what you're owed.

RogueAngel79 Sun 23-Apr-17 11:21:46
"He only paid the Maintance beacuse of me, I told him to beacuse it wasn't fair on 1st not to, the man from this last two weeks isn't the man I married"

Don't you see how these two statements contradict each other.?

How can a man who sleeps with a child, abandons her and then has to nagged into maintaining his own son ever be anything other than a shit??? You knew this about him before your second son was even conceived. How could you ever think this was a decent man???

I don't know any more, I think I turn a blind eye to alot things through our relationship but by the time this was all out, I was already in love with him, we'd built our home, yes it was all a lie i know that now, but the feeling of loss and hurt is still here with me, I feel a failure because I've let my boys down, thier dad has gone to live with a woman who he's only been contact with for 4 months, was having an affair for two of them, and left us so quickly I hate myself at the minute, I don't feel like I'm good enough for anybody xx

Don't you see

He left
He left the kids

You are still there -
You didn't leave anybody

You did everything right - stop the guilt - did he make you feel that way?

It is precisely your low self esteem that meant this bastard could take advantage of you. It does not mean you are the bastard: he is.

But it is a little bit worrying that you could not see this while the betrayal affected a young teenager and a baby boy. You are still speaking in terms of "the man I knew", but tbh the man you knew for the best part of your relationship was a sexual predator and a rotten dad. You did know that.

Before you get into any new relationship I think you really need to examine yourself and ask why your standards are so low, why you almost seemed to feel you didn't have the right to judge him as long as he was with you.

You are not the failure here love.
Take a bit of time, pick up your self esteem & put this fuckwit behind you.