Would I be wrong to approach this subject with DP?

[RainbowsAndLemonDrops]

I'm expecting to be shot down in flames here... basically, DP and I have been together 9 months and we're happy. I'm the happiest I've ever been after two awful LT relationships. DP split with his ex a year and a half ago and they have a 3 year old DD.

Firstly, I appreciate that they must have daily contact regarding the care of their DD and I have no problems with that. Something happened last week that she wanted my DP's advice for (not regarding their DD). Since then they've been in constant and I mean constant contact. They've always messaged at what I'd say inappropriate times (when we're out for drinks/dinner/at a show) he'll reply to her instantly - even when it's not regarding their DD. Again, if it was I'd have no problems!

I went out to get breakfast for us the other day, came back and he's messaging her. Usually he tells me what they talk about or will say X has called/messaged.

I'm a very untrusting person in general and have been cheated on before (please don't say you don't trust him, the relationships done) it isn't. If I had that mindset I'd be single forever as I struggle to trust anyone!

Feel free to tell me I shouldn't say anything and I'm being a massive twat

I think he must read Mumsnet

They've had an argument regarding care of their DD tonight. He then said "we've been messaging too frequently anyway so hopefully this puts a stop to that...

I would still mention it, in case it starts up again. Just say something like 'I am uncomfortable with how much you were in contact with ex about things not related to DD. I think you need to tone it down.'

Look at it from his point of view.

I feel very sorry for the man who has to keep his ex sweet in order to continue amicable child access. Imagine how excruciatingly stressful that just be for him. He must be terrified that she has such power to stop him seeing his child if he puts a foot wrong.

Shelve your annoyance and jealously at their continued attachment and support him by talking through his concerns and fears if he does have them, that she seems to hold such power over the contact with his child.

You might find a way through talking with him about that instead of sounding whiny and jealous about him talking to his ex constantly, and he could respond better to both you, and her. I'm sorry about the terms whiny and jealous it's not meant to be insulting to you, it's just how he may eventually perceive you.

His ex is putting you both under huge stress, you both deserve a break from it. Go away for the weekend somewhere with no phone signal like the Lake District insert exclamation mark

Hmm, you still need to mention it otherwise when they've made up, you'll end up exactly where you are now.

He needs to hear from you that you're important and you won't tolerate being treated like you're not. It sounds like he's one of those 'anything for an easy life' types and that means his energies will always be aimed at placating those who threatened that.