He wouldn't let me breast feed..

[Enoughisenough17]

I had children before him and was young so I never wanted to breastfeed.
This is mine a DF first and last child together. It's his first ever and my last ever because I can't have anymore.
He was hugely vocal on the fact he didn't want me breastfeeding because he wanted the joy of the experience and also first feed. I felt guilty that I was depriving him of that and decided to bottle feed. Now I feel as though I've missed opportunity and I'll never get that back agian. I almost resent him for it, especially since I've done nearly all the feeds since leaving the hospital and now LO is over 5 months.
I've tried bringing it up and telling him how I feel but he brushes it under the carpet and says I'm just revisiting the past.
But the past is still haunting me.
I get jealous when other mums discuss breastfeeding and I lie and say I couldn't to avoid embarrassment.
AIBU to still be upset?
How do I let it go?

Im a believer of fed is best, but personally don't understand why someone would not want you to breastfeed if your happy to, he sounds like a massive brat!

What a Wanker! Look into relactating and see if breastfeeding is still possible, also you can get donor breast milk for babies x

harmlesschap do you think you have that right to judge women who don't or can't breastfeed?

I was very lucky it was pain free and possible, but I know some women who had appalling pain and infections or were on medication and couldn't feed from the breast. Some babies can't latch properly either for example tongue tied (mine could thankfully).

There's a reason for most things.

harmlesschap do you think you have that right to judge women who don't or can't breastfeed?

I don't believe there was any judgement passed in my comment, simply that I can just about understand women who don't want to breastfeed as its their body so their choice, I certainly made no comment about those who cannot BF.

We had some involvement with the NCT when DW was expecting and everything was very very pro BF, so while it is a received opinion I do subscribe to the idea that breast is best. That doesn't make formula bad, just not as good as breast milk.

My issue is with a husband how wishes to overrule a woman who wants to do the best for their child. IMO that is an act born out of selfishness and more likely that his access to his wife's breasts in a sexual was is more important their child being fed naturally. So any judgement in my post was aimed squarely at the OP's OH.

Please don't feel your bond with your baby is not as tight. If you are meeting your baby's needs and holding her as she needs then you are doing great. You could do some skin to skin bottle feeds.. that may help with your feelings of loss of breastfeeding. As others have said you could try to relactate (but it will require a lot of time and pumping). The other thing you could look into if you felt motivated would be a supply line, where you feed baby at the breast using a little tube attached to a bottle, that will also help stimulate supply. A lactation consultant could help get you started.

But honestly women put so much unnecessary pressure on themselves. Enjoy her, you are her mum. She will love you no matter how you feed her.

What harmlesschap was said was very fair and nonjudgmental as regards the OP, MusicIsMedicine.

There is a judgement.

You are assuming that these women don't WANT to breastfeed and that is implying they have made a conscious choice not to. They may in fact be unable to and feeling devastated about that.

It is a judgment to suggest someone has made a choice when quite often they have actually had no choice.

MusicIsMedicine You are reading way too much into an innocent comment, frankly.

Thank you for doing my thinking for me.

Utterly despicable behaviour from the husband. That would be it. Takes selfishness to a completely new level.

My ex likes to blame the fact I breastfed our DD on his lack of bonding. Apparently he was desperate to get up in the night and bottle feed her.
He wasn't.
She had a really bad cold when she was 6 months old, I took her through to him to hold her while I steamed up the bathroom to help her breathe. He led her at arms length as if he was holding a snot rag, not his own child. I'm not sure if I had any respect for him thereafter. Or ever again to be honest.
His mother also told me that bf beyond 6 months was selfish.
No, her son fucking off out getting pissed and going to lap dancing clubs was selfish . . . .

You are assuming that these women don't WANT to breastfeed and that is implying they have made a conscious choice not to.
No I'm not, you're making presumptions of assumptions which could lead to implications, but you are wrong.

For clarity:- I was not not making assumptions about women who wish to BF buy can not, I specifically referred to those who simply do not wish to. I also said that I understand, just about, that they may not wish to. It's their body their choice, i.e. nobody should have any say over another person's body.

You can carry on thinking you know better about what I wrote than I do, but if you do then as you wrote above "thank you for doing my thinking for me".

"Yes he can be controlling but I can hold my own"

I'm going to be blunt here, but you weren't exactly "holding your own" when you let him stop you breastfeeding, were you?!

He is abusive. Abusive men grind you down bit by bit. Don't fall into the trap of thinking you can "handle" him. That's naive and/or arrogant. All sorts of women end up in abusive relationships, it's not just "weak" women who can't "hold their own".

Why would you even want to be in a relationship when you would have to be on your guard and (your words) "put him in his place"?

You're vulnerable. You have a health condition, depression, and a newborn to look after. You don't have time or energy for his shit. You need to be around people who are going to support you, not control you and lose their shit.

As a first step I suggest you do some reading: signs of emotional abuse and the book "Why does he do that?" by Lundy Bancroft.

Also, you referred to him as DF, is that f for fiancé? Have you organised the wedding yet? If so, CANCEL IT!!!

Marrying this man would be a terrible, terrible move.