I left the bastard ... now what do I do

[Nowitsover]

I have posted here before under a different name, I had some very helpful advice on how bad H's behaviour was and some tips on how to prepare to leave him.

So it all kicked off on Thursday night. H bought the eldest DD1 a giant Easter egg but didn't buy anything for the other DCs. Eldest DS1 was really upset about this and asked H why he didn't buy him one. H started shouting and screaming at him that he didn't deserve one and he was a bad boy. DS1 was getting so upset so I sent him upstairs. H then had a massive go at me for letting DS 1 go upstairs.
H was really awful and threatening and nasty. DD1 was still in the room and begged him to stop but he wouldn't.
He stormed through the house smashing stuff and then eventually went out to the pub.

So I gathered up the DCs and all their stuff and left. We went to my grandmother's house the first night. Then I went back the house picked up some stuff we had left. Then DD 1 had an idea which she got from a book that we should go to the seaside away from here for a bit.

So we are currently in a small caravan park by the seaside. I don't really know what to do next. We need to go back at some point because the DCs will have to go back to school next week. H is really angry. I text him once to tell him the DCs were safe. He was been texting and calling constantly telling me he is destroying the house if I don't come home.

I don't want to go back to him because my kids deserve better. But I don't know how to keep them safe from H.

Well done for getting away!

Thank you so much for all your support. I'm finding this all really tough so you are really helping me through it.
I had a call from my neighbours this morning telling me H has been burning things in the garden for a few days now (they were calling me because they thought i was still at home and they wanted me to stop him so they could put the washing out). I think its probably my stuff he is burning.
He is also stepping up the threatening messages as well so I have taken your advice and rung the police non-emergency number so at least its logged.

The kids are struggling more today, its like its really starting to sink in for them. The younger two keep asking where daddy is and DD1 keeps tantruming because she wants to go back to normal and she hates me for leaving. DS1 then gets upset because he doesn't want to go back and then they both start arguing and screaming. I just feel so guilty because i have turned their lives upside down with no clear plan to reassure them that we will be ok.

I am so glad you have phoned police NowItsOver. I know one thing if/when I leave, Im doing it whilst he is away and taking my stuff, heard too many stories like your own here where these arses destroy stuff in fury.

Don't feel to blame for how your kids are feeling, they may not know it yet but you did the right thing for their wellbeing and safety.

Do make sure you call the police about him burning your stuff!!!!! Bloody hell. You must not ever go back to him.

Stay strong OP.

I would ask the neighbour to call 101 and tell the police if you are comfortable doing that, it means that another person has reported him not just you. However only if he won't threaten her.

You mustn't feel guilty, your children don't realise it now, but it wasn't you that turned their world upside down, it was him, and you are doing the right thing by keeping them away from him for their own safety.

Better than them blaming you for not leaving when they are older and he hurts them. That is the alternative. You did the right thing and you had good reason to leave.

Thank you the police sent someone round to us and I showed them the messages etc so that's been officially logged with them.
I don't really mind him burning my stuff as I took all the important stuff with me.

I hope it will be better for the DCs in the long run. They just seem so upset and when I look at them I feel so guilty that I didn't leave sooner and that I let it get so bad.

The very best thing you can do for your children is exactly what you are doing - getting them out of an awful situation, teaching them what resilience looks like, one day at a time, step by step. Really well done for speaking to the police. Call Women's Aid and CAB.

Wishing you huge luck and strength

You've done amazingly

Don't feel bad for not leaving sooner, these things are never easy and we always end up in denial somewhat about how bad it is.

You left, that's the important thing, just look forward now and your kids will love you for doing what was best for them when they're old enough to understand.

Do you have anyone IRL to support you?

You are AMAZING OP! Seriously well done. I would also like to help more of you are anywhere near me, PM me if you want to, I can help with a refuge for you all.

Now you are being so brave., and I bet you're much stronger than you think you are. Well done on taking the first steps. Glad you've called the police, he sounds completely vile.

Do keep trying women's aid and keep posting here for support .

Thank you all for your support, I meant to update earlier but it's been hectic here these last few days.
Friday was a better day the DCs were slightly more settled and a very kind stranger gave me a fiver for them because their behaviour was so lovely she wanted to give them a pound each.
I also managed to get through to the citizens advice bureau and I have an appointment with them next week.

Saturday was a better day too, the DCs spent their money on a bucket and spade and we went down to the beach and then had ice cream.
My grandma phone and she has found us a place to stay at her friends property while her son is away for a couple of weeks so hopefully we will have some sort of housing sorted by then.

I drive back here yesterday, we are currently in the friend's property. I have the DCs uniform and bags and lunch etc ready for school tomorrow. I am finding it really unsettling being back in the area though. I feel like I am expecting H to pop up at any second.

Well done for leaving. I'm glad you have a safe place for a couple of weeks.

I just wanted to extend my support and no matter how difficult it seems, you're doing the right thing. It's better late than never.

Nowitsover - you have done so well to get your kids out of that situation.
Have you informed the school of your h's threatening behaviour? Have you worked out how you are going to drop off and pick up your kids from school? Need to make sure your h can't interfere with this or find out where you are living.

nowitsover
Well done. I had to do something very similar to you last year, and it was the HARDEST thing I've ever done, don't underestimate how well you are doing.
Please go online today and redirect your post to your grandmother's address - my ex also burnt my things and messed up my bank by cancelling all the direct debits. I didn't know - the DVLA then fined me for not having road tax, but I didn't know because I didn't get the letters!! I wish I'd had my post straight away.

You are amazing. How old are your children? Mine sound similar to yours - but now we are out and in a home of our own they are THRIVING!

Much love to you x

Thank you
I informed the school this morning briefly about what was happening. I have a meeting with the head this afternoon to go through it with her properly. But the teachers know not to let the DCs go with anyone but me and because I have the meeting with the head the DCs are going to meet me by there to be picked up rather than the usual place.

The DCs are aged from 9 - to the baby .

You sound like you are doing amazing- well done