Worries

[Perriemerry]

I'm I'm long time Lurker on here and im not entirely sure if I'm posting in the right place.

Anyhoooo a little info background in myself etc

I've been with my husband for 9 years married fir just over 1. And we have 2 beautiful children together, our own house, good income ........

I do suffer from anxiety panic attacks but other than that I'm all good.

But what I can not he past is the totaldread of the possibility that my husband is going to cheat.

I 1000000% believe that when he's not drunk he would NEVER cheat I know it's what they all say by honestly he really wouldn't be came from a broken family by where one parent cheated on the other and saw how distraught the other was and vowed never to cause that pain on me. And there has been no reason or sign that "whilst sober " he has

Problem area. .. alcohol...

When we first got together after about 6 months a had a huge argument and i ended it obviously just in anger he went out ended up getting really drunk and kissing another girl and had a little sucky sucky off her, he told me the next morning and was horrififed but he thought we were over otherwise it would have never happened.
Also when he's had a drink (what I'm about to say hasn't happened for over 3 years since our youngest was born) he would come home and be really angry and agressive, he is a really aggressive drunk I've had to lock myself in rooms whilst he's trying to smash the door down to get to me, ive had neighbours ringing the police because of his shouting and banging, he has broken my fingers,punched me in my face and head, yanked me around by my hair and always strangled me to one of the times I almost passed out snd woke up the next morning with bruises on my neck etc this happened almost everytime he was drunk for around 5 years. I want to add again this level of violence hasn't happened for about 3 years... there has been moments where he has lost his temper but never on that scale.
Obviously all the violence was my fault and i made him do it and i guess sometimes I did make him angry even though not on purpose.

He vowed never to drink to that extent again which he has stuck pretty much.

When he is sober he's the most perfect man and i love him more than anything. But he's gone on a stag do today and is staying overnight and i know he's going to get realllllyyyyy drunk and im worried that he's going to turn violent. Obviously not on me but on other people. And get into trouble and i have a horrible fear of him drunk cheating in me.. I know it's stupid cause he wouldn't do it whilst sober so why would he do it whilst drunk.....

I dont know why i posted but when I get a thought into my head it eats away at me... like its early afternoon but ive already had a text off him which implies hes already a little tipsy

How can i stop my anxious mind wandering

This was posted on another area by was told to post here instead

I've just read the other thread. I see you replied in much the same way there OP. I don't think that anyone can help you until you're ready to open your eyes and get out of the fog of denial you are so clearly in.

This ^^

Some people just don't want to be helped.
The fact that kids are involved just makes this whole situation utterly depressing. You have a duty of care to them and you are failing them OP. Those poor kids.

I was told to 're lost into relationships which is what i did. I was having trouble replying on the other thread and have been speaking to mumsnet about it through email. In sorry if I did it wrong didn't know how to move it over I'll see if I can delete the other threat now sorry for the

Thread**

I don't even know why I'm posting because I don't think you're actually listening to any of the advice people are giving you.

I'm going to plead with you to leave him for your children. If he kills you, what will happen to them? You need to wake up to the reality of your situation.

Your partner is a nasty bully.

For heaven's sake woman . Get a grip and get out of this relationship.

I am sorry I am normally a very tolerant person and I would love to advise you on all the normal ups and downs of relationships but what you describe is an abhorrent level of domestic violence.

Your relationship is unhealthy. It is dangerous for you and it is dangerous for your children.

Get out . Seek help . What you describe is not love .

Would you walk by if you saw what your partner does to you happen on the street?

Could this be the abuser himself posting?

If you are abuser indeed the abuser.... There is help available.

You have a choice to change.

I am so utterly saddened by this thread.

I wonder if you suffer with low self esteem. I wonder if you have been abused before?

Nobody deserves this.

*Member652554

Could this be the abuser himself posting? *

Good observation. It does feel as though the justifications and minimisation are slightly unrealistic IMO

Is this what is known as a 'reverse' thread?

You had a crappy childhood with a drunk and abusive mother. Thats why your ideas of what a relationship look like are skewed way out of line and your boundaries and self confidence non existant.

You have chosen a similarly abusive relationship because it feels familiar, even though it is horrible.

You are teaching your children what a relationship looks like and they will follow the pattern onwards - either falling into being abused, or being an abuser themselves. If you cannot get out for your own sake, ffs break the legacy and get yourself some therapy, away from this toxic environment.

I suspect he told you about Ms sucky sucky on purpose. Keeps you beaten down

You would cope, because there is financial help out there, and he would still need to pay child support. and I expect you do all the grunt work anyway

deadsouls I agree the OP is far too excepting of the abusive behaviour and is making excessive number of excuses on behalf of the abuser. That is what made me think it is perhaps the abuser posting.