Wake up dreading the yelling and sadness of the day

[Stewart2017]

Absolutely first thought on waking up today was -
"oh no, how many minutes til the screaming and tantrums begin"

and thats just my wife!

The kids are challenging but I feel boisterous more than bad.
They know their boundaries with me and behave 99% of time.

My wife cannot dress a 6 year old. She cannot oversee teeth cleaning. She cannot even brush her hair.

And I have now lost 99% of readers sympathy as most will be fitting and say I should do it or the kid should do it herself. I understand that
But when i'm away to work, she goes in to school filthy. She is late as 30 minutes of screaming at non compliance normally.
The neighbours have mentioned the daily yelling. Not in a nasty way.

Forgive me, but i have thought occasionally that I hope a neighbour report her/us to social services to bring situation to a head.
It's been like this 3 or 4 years. A neighbour where we used to live reported my wife 2 years ago and after a visit the social worker just dismissed the complaint. I had daily recordings on my phone at that point as genuinely I never thought anyone would believe how severe and harsh she is with our 2 kids.

I should do more you may say. I do 99% including all cooking shopoing and tidying up. She always has an excuse to be lazy.

I not ready to split as it's complicated financially.

I am not depressed. I just feel a deep pit dread each day. I work so hard to avoid confrontation each morning breakfasting the kids while she potters about for herself and showering which is mormal. But within 20 seconds of my going up to get dressed it all kicks off. The kids know her yelling and threats and falls on dead ears. I am blamed daily too ofcourse within this daily aggressive saga.

I have a wee cry in despair most days at this point. Just for half a minute - not a break down. I am typing this hiding in toilet for a minute as the battle commences downstairs.

The second I emerge a volley of abuse will be dished out and it will be all my fault. Again. It's grim here.

If she's doing all that in front of you OP I wonder what she's doing when you're not around.

My STBXH had an abusive DM. Who shouted and screamed, hit and spat. Sent them in to school ill and dirty etc. his DF was at work most of the time, as was the way back then. He was totally ineffectual, just allowed it to happen. sTBXH is deeply damaged as both of his siblings are. He often berated his father for not protecting them and not getting them out.
Do not underestimate the damage that could be happening right now.

Yes perhaps go to them yourself and ask for help. Let ss guide you as to the best thing to do in your dds interest. At the very best it may be the wake up call your wife needs. You can't go on like this. I'm taking what you say at face value and assuming there isn't any domestic violence that may be contributing to your wife's mental illness as there often is in these cases.

You shouldn't be feeling like this, OP. Your mind and body are trying to tell you to do something about the situation. You need help - professional health. No way should you feel tearful about this behaviour.

...professional help

agreed, what she might being doing without you around could be worse. Although (sorry) it doesnt sound like she respects you much, so she might not curb her behaviour around you. Not trying to be unkind and I may be reading too much into it, but from your post it sounds that way.

Kick her out and keep your kids safe. If the neighbours have noticed and she does as little for them as you say then it will be a blessing for them to have some peace.
If this was a thread from a woman a lot of the advice would be different. Women can be just as lazy and nasty without pnd or hormonal problems.
Well done op for keeping things going but you really need to be putting the kids first.

I have to agree with patricia. If a man was doing all this, it would be ltb and phone women's aid. There are some who are questioning what he is doing to help and he has already said what he does and what happens. Some women can be bad parents you know and some women can be abusive too without it being anything else than abuse.

Op can you go to ss or your gp? Ask them for help or referral to appropriate services? You should not have to live like this. Please get help.

I doubt the OP is coming back after this time. This is not his first thread about his wife and I'm sure it won't be the last.

Well said ice

OP, I'll ask again - you say that this started 3 or 4 years ago, so what changed? Think back. Was there a trigger?

I don't think it's helpful for people to say that if OP were a woman people would be saying ltb. It's not often we get a man who is the main carer of his children in this kind of state. Most of the time, as in this case, it's the mother who is SAHP or works part time as well as providing the majority of childcare, and is therefore the first one to burn out or struggle. There are several hallmarks of depression in OP's description of his wife but he just says she is "in good health". Well she doesn't sound it.

I doubt the OP is coming back after this time. This is not his first thread about his wife and I'm sure it won't be the last

He (she?) starts these threads then doesn't usually come back. I know it's not the done thing to advance search but it's useful to know that it's probably pointless putting time into answering the OPs OP.

Why, in the name of all that is sane, do people ask something and then disappear? They are surely here for some sort of weird entertainment.