should I take back unfaithful husband?? -

[Readytodrop]

I'm looking for anyone who has ever been in a similar position just to get advice and other points of view ....

So he was seeing a work colleague but has now come clean and told me all but now wants me back....

We were literally about to get divorced, I have 2 DC 8mo and 3yrs

When people told me he would come running back I swore I wouldn't accept him but now I can't work out what to do

Has anyone come out of this situation and actually been happy??

Help!!!

Love that song! Thanks

It’s worth watching the TED talk by Esther Perel. She says that staying is the new shame and that certainly seems borne out by the majority view on these kinds of threads. She also says that you can have several different relationships with the same person which I thought was an interesting idea.

Oh gosh. I have just seen this is a zombie thread!

I wouldn't take him back without conditions that he addresses the problems that resulted in his cheating in the first place,

You can't address being a selfish, low integrity shit. Happily letting your partner stickmto the fidelity you both agreed, while breaking the rules yourself. It involves selfishness, dishonesty, duplicity, disrespect etc of monumental proportions - they're usually risking their partners (and sometimes unborn children's) health too.

People trying to forgive affairs make me think of a magician saying ' and for my next trick, I'm going to chew and swallow broken glass for 5 years'.

There'll always be something off in the universe when cheating (and cheating on the pregnant or particularly vulnerable had its own special shit level) is 'forgiven'.

Also investigation of the whys and wherefores on therapy just gives the cheater the opportunity to run sob stories and get the cheated on person to take blame and responsibility. The assumption that there must have been something wrong is so utterly naive: there may have been nothing wrong other than him wanting some strange and thinking he'd not be found out.

No. It'll never be the same and you won't ever totally trust him.

You sound like you want to take him back. But why does he want to come back? Didn’t work out with OW, doesn’t want the costs of divorce?

You took him back, he didn’t fully disclose things, and continued contact with OW?

You gave him a chance, he blew it.

I've forgiven mine before, it never really goes away though. The trust doesn't ever fully come back, and you kind of live wondering what next. On the surface we were fine and bumbling along, I thought we were trying, but actually he'd already checked out, kept a load more secrets and then just out of the blue announced he was off. Don't do it, OP. The emotional fall out for me and the kids has been horrendous. If you're already down the divorce/acceptance road then stay on it for your own care/peace/sanity/future. Walk away, don't look back as hard as it is. You deserve to be happy, you deserve so much more than a man who would ever do this to you.

Just seen the date of thread, oops!!