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Original poster

Married man interested in me?!

67 replies

user1491575946 · 07/04/2017 16:13

I know the title sounds bad.. I am in a relationship and have been for two years and living together.
Over the last 8 months their has been this guy at work and i get the feeling he is interested in me. We speak and say hello every day etc at the start he used to seem very nervous around me he would stammer when we had conversations and if we bumped into each other unexpectadley he would go all red and flushed. He always gives me this stare when he walks past which is quite sexy and makes me think he is attractive when he does this! he doesnt seem to treat any other women at work like this and doesnt seem to notice women as much as he notices me. I was collecting for charity and people at work were giving say £4 each he put £15! It has been going on for some months now and i feel their is A LOT of sexual tension between us. When my partner meets me from work the guy seems to get jelous and moody with me the next day which makes me feel kind of strange as i cant tell what he feels. He makes comments to colleagues in front of me like 'i am so tired i need to get a bed in my office and tell the wife im working late to get some sleep' it all just feels very strange i cant work him out! Am i imagining things or does this guy like me. I am starting to develop feelings for him because of how he makes me feel. I would never go their obviously but all the tension is bugging me and i hate that i dont know what he is thinking! He is married and has been for over 10 years with two children and seems happy with that he always speaks happily about them. I am 24 and he is 32.
I know it is probably just harmless flirting that is making him feel good but its been going on for ages and just wont stop i really do not want to develop strong feelings for him but i cant seem to help it cause of how he is with me.
What should i do?

OP posts:
Adora10 · 07/04/2017 17:03

Are you really that daft OP; you keep asking why, you've been told.

Sample1936 · 07/04/2017 17:03

Op in the nicest way, you really need to grow up. You sound extremely immature for a 24 years old.

Be professional, don't linger or look out for those 'moments'. Don't make eye contact when it's unnecessary.

Your ego wants to know if he thinks you're hot. It's very likely he does think you're hot. But hot enough to leave to be with you? I doubt it. He is probably bored and enjoying flirting for an ego boost. You are also highly likely to be one of many other women he flirts with. His poor wife...

As to you, you deserve a decent, single guy. Perhaps make the time to go out, hobbies, dating.. meet new people and go on some dates with someone who is a. Single and b. Not from work.

frieda909 · 07/04/2017 17:03

I know he loves his wife and children but what im confused about is why he is trying to make me attracted to him

I don't mean to sound harsh but...really? You're confused about that?

Come on, OP. He wants you to be attracted to him because he wants you to be attracted to him. It's not difficult to understand.

You say you're not going to go there, so let that be the end of it. Obsessing over the reasons why he might be acting this way is irrelevant, and doesn't lead anywhere good.

Sample1936 · 07/04/2017 17:08

Ah sorry didn't realise you're in a relationship Confused
You both sound bored of your relationships. Focus on improving or ending your relation and find attention and flirtation either with your bf or from dating.

And as to why? Well you're in a relation and flirting away too. Commitment is commitment wedding ring or not and neither of you is showing that right now.

TitaniasCloset · 07/04/2017 17:09

How would you feel if you were his wife op? Think about that. Try to put yourself in her shoes.

bluenose1986 · 07/04/2017 17:17

He's been married for a long time with two children, he's trying to see if he's still got it.

You are a young girl compared to him and you giggling and probably twirling your hair at him is stroking his ego.

Get over it don't be the person that breaks up a marriage, have an ounce of respect for your long term boyfriend and put some distance between yourself and the man at work.

If you have to speak to him keep the conversation direct and minimal and if things start going off track and he tries flirting end the conversation and get back to work. That is what you are there for.

HecateAntaia · 07/04/2017 17:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheStoic · 07/04/2017 17:28

God it's painful to watch such naivety.

I guess we were all clueless once.

Cakescakescakes · 07/04/2017 17:31

Just because he wants to piss all over his marriage and his tiny children's lives doesn't mean you need to let yourself be involved.

Anasnake · 07/04/2017 17:34

He's flirting because you're letting him flirt. This never ends well - don't go there.

Emboo19 · 07/04/2017 17:39

Ok so what do you currently do when you're speaking to him? What do you talk about? Do you see him out of work at all?

I admit that I'm pretty oblivious to people liking me and don't tend to notice flirting unless it's pretty blatant. I'm generally quite open and chatty and get on well with men too. Which has resulted in a few crossed wires with other men, one being someone I worked with (which got creepy and I had to speak to management) and one being my boyfriends friend (which was rather awkward and I felt very guilty)
To be clear nothing ever happened and I really didn't think of either of them in that way.

If I'd be aware at all that they were under any illusion that I was interested in anything other than friendship, I'd have distanced myself and made it clear I wasn't interested in that way.
Which is what I think you should be doing now. Try avoid him, if you can't and have to speak to him, bring the conversation back to your partner or his wife......so he says 'that top looks good on you' say 'yes it's my boyfriends favourite' that kind of thing.

NeonGod73 · 07/04/2017 17:45

I am still laughing at the very first comment by noego.
What a numpty!

mustiwearabra · 07/04/2017 17:57

He wants a quick shag and that's all. You're not the first and you won't be the last. I strongly suggest finding a new job if contact with him is unavoidable as it sounds like you're very close to acting on it.

AnyFucker · 07/04/2017 18:00

Don't be a fucking idiot

You are sleepwalking into a cheap fuck. And you will still say "It just happened"

Fucking brain dead.

fruitbats · 07/04/2017 18:00

I'm sorry OP. but I don't see anything that says he's attracted to you. He gives you 'a stare' which you believe is sexy. He put £15 in a charity collection. Maybe he's just generous. I think you're reading too much into this. Forget it and concentrate on your own relationship.

AhYerWill · 07/04/2017 18:04

Because a good number of people will happily fuck someone else behind their wife/husband/partners back, without a second thought.

I'm nothing special but a suprising number of men in my last office hit on me at some point, many of whom were married. I just ignored it and assumed they'd get bored and move onto someone more accepting of their advances soon enough.

All it means is he is a flirt, and possibly a lying cheat. You aren't star crossed lovers or any of that shite, he just wants a quick shag, and he thinks you're up for it.

Obsidian77 · 07/04/2017 18:06

Shut him down, concentrate on your job and act like an adult. Involve HR if necessary.
Yes, he probably is flattered by your attention but he's a married man with young children. The fact he is pursuing you means he would be a really shit partner.
It might seem exciting and special but it's trashy, plain and simple.
Seriously, imagine what it's like on the other side of the coin. Would you want to be married to someone who pesters young women at work?

IsNotGold · 07/04/2017 18:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TomaytoTomahto · 07/04/2017 18:08

Pardon me for being a tad harsh here, but from your posts it honestly is starting to look like you enjoy these interactions going on between you and that you're looking for some sort of validation to "flirt" back.

Hes married with kids yes but how does that explain him flirting with me

and

what im confused about is why he is trying to make me attracted to him by doing these things?

These two statements especially strike me as very naïve, be it intentionally or unintentionally. He's being a complete arse, but flirting is a two way street. Stonewall him, don't get involved, and take a step back. Also, where do you draw the line with "harmless flirting"? I'm sure neither your partner nor his wife would be too happy with that.

TreeTop7 · 07/04/2017 18:18

He married young and he's looking for excitement. He doesn't care for you - you're just a convenient hole in which to stick it and shake it about.

I'm assuming you're more junior, given your lower age and the fact that you don't sound very self-aware or sophisticated. So, when his wife finds out and it all kicks off at work, guess who's likely to have to leave their job? Unfair, but true.

ZilphasHatpin · 07/04/2017 18:21

Ugh! Who is raising women to be this stupid when it comes to men??

GruffaloPants · 07/04/2017 18:24

Why is he doing this?

So you'll blow him in his car while he texts his wife to say he's working late.

Bluntness100 · 07/04/2017 18:24

Op. how old are you please? You are writing like a 12 year old with her first crush. What do you think he is just aching to leave his wife and children for you and dying with love or something? Hmm

Some blokes are flirts it boosts their egos. Especially if it's with someone they think is a saddo who fancies them. Some will even shag whomevers willing for an ego boost. Most women past puberty know this.

Gather your self respect and dignity please.

Wristy · 07/04/2017 18:30

You sound like a lost cause already, please just see this for what it is.

He's a sad arsehole, who probably by the sound of realises you're quite possibly up for extra-marital sex. I've worked with plenty- they just work their way through all the reciprocating ladies and they can spot you a mile off.

I'm sure the way you're behaving hasn't gone unnoticed either. You sound as if you're well on your way to fucking up your relationship, his marriage and your job to boot. Wake up.

HarrietSchulenberg · 07/04/2017 18:42

If you want to convince yourself you're special, there's better ways of doing it than hooking up with a cheater. If he's willing to cheat on his wife and kids then he'll cheat on you too, in a heartbeat.